Jokes that make you groan

[FarmerTan]

Brother @ackvil is upping his game! My lovely bride fell for the elevator joke, and then I got the giggles when she rolled her eyes at me (of course I didn't let her see the picture until AFTER I told her it verbally. Yes I'm talented that way. Kids, don't try this at home!) and THEN you posted the picture of the couple on their first date, and what they are thinking. This is actually kind of sad, this couple, all caught up inside their own heads.

Sorry for the side rail! But, here's the real groaner: I don't think this qualifies to be called a derail!

 

[luvmysuper]

View attachment 1313542

Reminds me of this

 

[ackvil]

Reminds me of this one.

 

[FarmerTan]

Reminds me of this

Oh my.

My lovely bride referenced this last week. Lol, now I cannot admit to her that I had NO IDEA what she was talking about, because it will reveal that I wasn't listening to her when she told me about this video, AND that I am guilty of ALWAYS trying to fix her problems instead of just listening!

I'm in a pickle, gents!

 

[Neilzebub]

View attachment 1313542

If this isn't the most perfect example of humanity ever, then I've no idea what might be.

 

[Neilzebub]

Three dyslexics sat at a bar arguing.
The pantheist says : "There are many dogs."
The atheist states: "There is no dog!"
The agnostic shrugs and admits: "There may be a dog...
or ton."

 

[Doc4]

dyslexics

Cruel joke by the medical profession. Imagine someone with that condition trying to tell people of their condition ...

"I have lysdexia ... um ... lydsexia ... um ..."

They should change the name of the condition to "bub".

 

[FarmerTan]

Cruel joke by the medical profession. Imagine someone with that condition trying to tell people of their condition ...

"I have lysdexia ... um ... lydsexia ... um ..."

They should change the name of the condition to "bub".

Anem.

 

[Jmp63]

Anem.

I laughed too hard at this.

 

[FarmerTan]

I laughed too hard at this.

I do believe if Jesus were fully God, AND man, in order to identify with us he must have had a sense of humor. Or in the King James version, humour.

Can you imagine 12 men wandering from town to town, eating and sleeping wherever you must, and at least one of them NOT, in 3 years, not once, giving the first one to fall asleep a "wet willy" or a "hot foot"?!?

That is hard for me to believe.

The duckbilled platypus. I rest my case.


Evolve that my friends! The watch demands the Watchmaker!

 

[FarmerTan]

Or my belief that my dyslexia was as great a gift as a bum ticker. Both forced me to teach myself to read because I couldn't make any money as a dumb jock! Lol, true story doggone!

 

[Whisky]

 

[Jmp63]

I do believe if Jesus were fully God, AND man, in order to identify with us he must have had a sense of humor. Or in the King James version, humour.

Lord I hope so! Otherwise, some of us might be in big trouble!

 

[Doc4]

View attachment 1313812

... and then there was that time I got into all that trouble in Saudi Arabia just for trying to put up a patio umbrella ...

 

[Neilzebub]

I do believe if Jesus were fully God, AND man, in order to identify with us he must have had a sense of humor. Or in the King James version, humour.

Can you imagine 12 men wandering from town to town, eating and sleeping wherever you must, and at least one of them NOT, in 3 years, not once, giving the first one to fall asleep a "wet willy" or a "hot foot"?!?

That is hard for me to believe.

The duckbilled platypus. I rest my case.


Evolve that my friends! The watch demands the Watchmaker!

"God is an iron," I said. "Did you know that?"

I turned to look at her and she was staring. She laughed experimentally, stopped when I failed to join in. "And I'm a pair of pants with a hole scorched through the ***?"

"If a person who indulges in gluttony is a glutton, and a person who commits a felony is a felon, then God is an iron. Or else He's the dumbest designer that ever lived."

--Spider Robinson, God is an Iron and Other Stories.

Robinson is in my top five SF writers, because like Heinlein and Sturgeon, he has a wonderful instinct for how his subjects affect humanity.

 

[FarmerTan]

"God is an iron," I said. "Did you know that?"

I turned to look at her and she was staring. She laughed experimentally, stopped when I failed to join in. "And I'm a pair of pants with a hole scorched through the ***?"

"If a person who indulges in gluttony is a glutton, and a person who commits a felony is a felon, then God is an iron. Or else He's the dumbest designer that ever lived."

--Spider Robinson, God is an Iron and Other Stories.

Robinson is in my top five SF writers, because like Heinlein and Sturgeon, he has a wonderful instinct for how his subjects affect humanity.

You must have read Spider's "collaboration" with R.A.H. then where he finished one of the novels, and edited it I assume... The title escapes me!

But it was EXPERTLY done. I swear you can't see ANY of Spider's fingerprints on it. It was like reading a brand new novel from the 50's for the first time!

 

[Neilzebub]

You must have read Spider's "collaboration" with R.A.H. then where he finished one of the novels, and edited it I assume... The title escapes me!

But it was EXPERTLY done. I swear you can't see ANY of Spider's fingerprints on it. It was like reading a brand new novel from the 50's for the first time!

It was absolutely brilliantly done! Variable Star is the title. Why am I not surprised you know their work -- I stumbled across Heinlein in my Junior High library and he pretty much singlehandedly shaped my world view.

 

[FarmerTan]

It was absolutely brilliantly done! Variable Star is the title. Why am I not surprised you know their work -- I stumbled across Heinlein in my Junior High library and he pretty much singlehandedly shaped my world view.

Mine too. He was a hard headed libertarian like me. Tho I lean to the right on some subjects. I just don't believe in legislating my leanings, lol.

 

[Neilzebub]

Mine too. He was a hard headed libertarian like me. Tho I lean to the right on some subjects. I just don't believe in legislating my leanings, lol.

Not too concerned with your politics, friend. What is important is I like you. It's rare to find someone who can convey their distinct personality and humanity through text. You're most certainly one of those.

 

[Toothpick]

Let me tell you about politics….

You pour me enough liquor; I’ll tell you all kinds of lies.