I will take that as a compliment! Thanks!
Jokes that make you groan
- Thread starter Captain Pre-Capsize
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I will take that as a compliment! Thanks!
Dang you!
I initially growned at that, then I belly laughed.
And now the War Department knows I'm not giving full attention to whatever it was she was pontificatin' on! ...... Busted.
Quasimodo, that name rings a bell...
A cow with no legs is ground beef.
And a guy with no arms and no legs in a forest is named Russell...
Or that guy stuck on a wall is called Art.
There is a long story involving this. This is courtesy of Kent Pearce at Texas Tech:
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringers job.
The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man, "Observe!" He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."
(but wait, there's more...)
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist (now there's a trivia question), the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said, "Your excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned,clutched at his chest and died on the spot.
Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened?" the first breathlessly asked, "Who is this man?"
"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
in a hole- Phil.
in a hot tub- Stu.
in a mailbox- Bill.
Irish guy in your back yard-Patty O'Furniture.
in the flower garden- Bud.
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What did the old grape say when he got stepped on?
Nothing, but he let out a little whine.
Nothing, but he let out a little whine.
Two guys above your window-
Curt 'n Rod
On the beach -
Sandy
With a razor -
Nick
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I know you ain't gonna believe me, but I'm only lying when my lips are moving, but.....
I once dated a girl that had one leg longer than the other. You guessed it:
Her name was Eileen. True story doggone!
I just realized that I am the most blessed person on B and B.
I typically would have typed out "blathering on about" in regards to my wife. No offense is intended towards her. We are both "blatherers" to be honest. We enjoy conversing, a LOT, with each other.
But she is usually (okay, ALWAYS) smarter than me, which forces ME to be louder then her.
All of which forced our only begotten to be even louder to be heard over the fray...
We would be millionaires if my wife would have let me have a reality show in this house.
@Doc4
This comes in handy as well:
This comes in handy as well:
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