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Jokes that make you groan

My daughter had a hamster that escaped on last Tuesday. Poor thing got run over, flat, squished. So we buried it at the top of the garden where there's some flowers sprouting. Well yesterday morning she comes into my bedroom telling me that a flower has grown on the grave of said now ! long dead hamster. So as a good dad we both went to have a look, sure enough a gorgeous red tulip, strong colour and stem.

My daughter and I both agreed, the the best red tulips come from HAMSTER JAM!!! (Amsterdam)
 

FarmerTan

"Just Call Me Billy"
The nurse becomes the patient
I will say that fire pit of yours looks inviting my friend. If the rain ever stops I plan on sitting out by mine soon.

The garden may end up drowning, good thing we canned so much last year. My bride said all canning season long last year that God gave us a bountiful harvest because He was getting us prepared for a rough 2021.

Sad to see.
 

Toothpick

Needs milk and a bidet!
I will say that fire pit of yours looks inviting my friend. If the rain ever stops I plan on sitting out by mine soon.

The garden may end up drowning, good thing we canned so much last year. My bride said all canning season long last year that God gave us a bountiful harvest because He was getting us prepared for a rough 2021.

Sad to see.

I use that pit about once a week. Mostly burning all the cardboard and paper products we accumulate weekly.

The rain here has been hell on the garden. Which is a really odd thing to say. Tomatoes have tons of bugs and worms over them. Cucumbers are dying already. Peppers are taking a long time to produce. Corn and cabbage is doing great though. Leafy greens tend to love moist soil and high humidity. So they are doing fantastic. I just planted spinach and lettuce from seeds today.
 
Many years ago the Germans sought to make another car line. To save on labor costs, they contracted with a Japanese company to make the car. After all the negotiations were done they discovered they hadn't come up with a brand name for the car.
The Germans figured they had some time for their their advertising department to come up with a name. They asked the Japanese how long would it be for the first cars to arrive. The Japanese said, "About two weeks".
To which the German executives replied, "Dat Soon?"
 
Here's a few short ones

I lost my wife's favorite audio book. I'll never hear the end of it.

A truck on the main round near us flipped over, it was carrying a shipment of Vicks Vapour rub, there was no congestion for 8 hours.

My friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favourite Star Wars character.
You should have seen the Luke on her face.
Those are fantastic! I can’t wait for my daughter to get home from science camp so I can tell her those jokes.
 
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