What's new
  • The Annual Sue Moore Auction is now running from 19 - 21 October. Every year proceeds from this auction and all monies raised go directly to the National Breast Cancer Foundation. Please take a look at the items that are available this year, as there is sure to be something of interest to everyone!

Jokes that make you groan

@TexOkie Shaver thanks for reminding me of this one.

So this Mohel (guy who does circumcisions) goes to his Rabbi. The esteemed gentleman
invites him into his study and after a few pleasantries asks what he can do for him. So the Mohel says, "Well Rabbi, I have an idea for a sideline and wondered if you knew of anyone who could put up some venture capital."

The Rabbi, being a prudent type of guy, inquires as to the nature of the business. So the Mohel replies, "Well, in my line of work, I have all these remnants and for years I've been trying to find a use for them."

The Rabbi raises his eyebrow quizzically, so the Mohel goes on, "Right, so I've been sewing 'em together to make wallets. Here's the pitch: when you rub 'em they turn into a suitcase."
 
@Neilzebub that reminds me of this one. The moderators may not like it, so it may only be up a short time.

It seems that a baby was born without eyelids. The doctors were in a quandary about what to do. Without eyelids his eyes would dry out and the baby would go blind.

Their solution was to take the skin from the circumscision and fashion eyelids from that skin.

At last report, the baby was doing fine, but the doctors say he is a little cockeyed.
 
Mr. Smith is stranded in the Grand Canyon.
A Red Cross rescue helicopter passes overhead.
The co-pilot is on the bullhorn and calls out "Mr. Smith this is the Red Cross"
Mr. Smith replies: "I gave at the office"
 
The large accounting/auditing firm Price Waterhouse was auditing a supermarket store.
At 10pm after closing the Price Waterhouse partner met with the store manager.
Price Waterhouse said that register 11 did the best of all the registers.
The store manager said the store only had 10 registers.
 
The large accounting/auditing firm Price Waterhouse was auditing a supermarket store.
At 10pm after closing the Price Waterhouse partner met with the store manager.
Price Waterhouse said that register 11 did the best of all the registers.
The store manager said the store only had 10 registers.
This was actually a true story in the book Wiseguys which became the movie Goodfellas!
 
I coached my son on this one for weeks before unleashing it on his kindergarten teacher. He asks the teacher, "Miss Jones do you have a hen way?" And she buys it! She asks, "What's a hen way?" And my five year old delivers with a straight face, "About five pounds" and walks away. Never been so proud!
 
A man sees an ad for a $50 cruise on Craigslist. Despite his better judgment, he grabs some cash and makes his way to the address given in the ad.

He opens the door to a small office and is knocked unconscious from behind. He wakes up tied to a barrel floating in the Atlantic Ocean. "Well, this sucks," he thinks out loud.

A second man floats by, also tied to a barrel. "Tell me about it," the second man replies. "This is worse than last year."
 
A man sees an ad for a $50 cruise on Craigslist. Despite his better judgment, he grabs some cash and makes his way to the address given in the ad.

He opens the door to a small office and is knocked unconscious from behind. He wakes up tied to a barrel floating in the Atlantic Ocean. "Well, this sucks," he thinks out loud.

A second man floats by, also tied to a barrel. "Tell me about it," the second man replies. "This is worse than last year."

lol

Some people have to get hit in the head with a 2 X 4 several times to get the message. You can't fix stupid!
 

Chandu

I Waxed The Badger.
Here's a few short ones

I lost my wife's favorite audio book. I'll never hear the end of it.

A truck on the main round near us flipped over, it was carrying a shipment of Vicks Vapour rub, there was no congestion for 8 hours.

My friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favourite Star Wars character.
You should have seen the Luke on her face.
 
Here's a few short ones

I lost my wife's favorite audio book. I'll never hear the end of it.

A truck on the main round near us flipped over, it was carrying a shipment of Vicks Vapour rub, there was no congestion for 8 hours.

My friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favourite Star Wars character.
You should have seen the Luke on her face.

Well done, you win today's internet!
 

Attachments

  • groan-o-meter.jpg
    groan-o-meter.jpg
    25.3 KB · Views: 3
Top Bottom