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Jokes that make you groan

Rhody

I'm a Lumberjack.
A horse walks into a bar

And orders a beer. The bartender looks confused but pours him a cold one:

- That’ll be $25.

The horse opens his wallet, pays and start drinking. The bartender is still in awe and says:

- You see, we don’t really have many horses coming in here.

To which the horse replies:

- With prices like these, I’m not surprised.
 
A horse walks into a bar

And orders a beer. The bartender looks confused but pours him a cold one:

- That’ll be $25.

The horse opens his wallet, pays and start drinking. The bartender is still in awe and says:

- You see, we don’t really have many horses coming in here.

To which the horse replies:

- With prices like these, I’m not surprised.

Bahahahaha, I have a collection of Bennett Cerf anecdotes from 1944, and I'm pretty sure this joke was in it.
 

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The Instigator
A horse walks into a bar

And orders a beer. The bartender looks confused but pours him a cold one:

- That’ll be $25.

The horse opens his wallet, pays and start drinking. The bartender is still in awe and says:

- You see, we don’t really have many horses coming in here.

To which the horse replies:

- With prices like these, I’m not surprised.

+1. Gorilla / banana daquiri.


AA
 
When my daughter was in elementary school she loved that joke except it was a grasshopper that walked into the bar and his response was “you have a drink named Steeeevee?” She didn’t know about the drink but loved to say the Stteeeve.

The really funny part is she wasn’t completely sure about insects so about half the time it was

A cricket walks into a bar…

Nobody ever quite understood a joke about a drink called the cricket
 
Remember when we were kids we thought a dirty joke was:
Two white horses fell into the mud.

How many of you added, "Three came out"?

Thanks @Rhody for reminding me of this. I mean, it's a groaner for sure, but it made me smile on a day it was needful.
 
.
When my daughter was in elementary school she loved that joke except it was a grasshopper that walked into the bar and his response was “you have a drink named Steeeevee?” She didn’t know about the drink but loved to say the Stteeeve.

The really funny part is she wasn’t completely sure about insects so about half the time it was

A cricket walks into a bar…

Nobody ever quite understood a joke about a drink called the cricket


What's a grasshopper?

 
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!"

The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"

The first kid says, "A circumcision."

And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"
 
Lena is pregnant with Ole's child. Late one night, Lena wakes Ole and says, 'I tink it's time!' So Ole fired up the John Deere tractor and took her to the hospital to have their first baby.
She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and said, 'A son! Ain't dat Great!' Well, Ole got excited by dis, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, 'Hold on! We ain't finished yet!'
The doctor then held up a little girl.. He said, 'Hey, Ole! You got you a daughter!' She's a pretty little ting, too.'
Ole got kind of puzzled by this, an then the doctor said, 'Holey Moly Ole, we still ain't done yet!' The doctor then delivered another boy and said, "Ole, you yust had yourself another boy!" Ole was flabbergasted by this news!
A couple days later, Ole brought Lena and their 3 children home in the self-propelled combine. He was real serious and he asked Lena, 'How come we got tree on the first try?'
Lena said, 'You remember dat night we ran out of Vaseline and you vent out in the garage and got dat dere 3-in-1 Oil?'
Ole said, 'Yeah, I do.. Uffda! It's a darn good ting I didn't get the WD-40!!
 
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