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Jokes that make you groan

Rhody

I'm a Lumberjack.
A horse walks into a bar

The bartender says, "Why the long f--" when suddenly the horse cuts him off.

"I've heard that a million times. 'Why the long face, haha!' I hear that everywhere I go."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," says the bartender. "Other than that, how's your life?"

The horse responds with, "Stable."
 
A string walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve strings here" and throws him out of the bar. The string, determined to get his drink, ties himself into several loops, then unravels his fibers on one end. He re-enters the bar and orders a drink.
The bartender looks him over and says, "You look awfully familiar. Aren't you that string I threw out of here earlier?"
The string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."
 
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Rhody

I'm a Lumberjack.
A Horse walks into a bar.
The Bartender sees such a vivid depth
of despair and ennui in the Horse's eyes,
like the Horse has stared into the abyss
and found the infinite void of nothingness so deep
that the Horse could no longer believe
that he himself nor anyone nor anything else existed.
To say something exists requires knowledge of self,
which requires knowledge of existence of the self,
an obviously impossible leap of logic,
absurd to even attempt to conceive or contemplate.
The Bartender,
in that single instant within the Horse's mind,
became the nothingness the Horse perceived,
and thus was rendered speechless.
If neither the Horse,
nor the Bartender,
nor the bar itself can be said to exist,
then why should he ask,
how could he ask,
"why the long face?"
The question can have no meaning,
and that which has no meaning cannot be stated.
The Bartender, dumbstruck, not by realization of mortality
but by fundamental doubt that he was ever alive,
gazes into the endless depth of the Horse's eyes,
and asks him, "Sir, I beg you say, do I exist?"
The Horse replies,
"Neighhhh..."
 
A Horse walks into a bar.
The Bartender sees such a vivid depth
of despair and ennui in the Horse's eyes,
like the Horse has stared into the abyss
and found the infinite void of nothingness so deep
that the Horse could no longer believe
that he himself nor anyone nor anything else existed.
To say something exists requires knowledge of self,
which requires knowledge of existence of the self,
an obviously impossible leap of logic,
absurd to even attempt to conceive or contemplate.
The Bartender,
in that single instant within the Horse's mind,
became the nothingness the Horse perceived,
and thus was rendered speechless.
If neither the Horse,
nor the Bartender,
nor the bar itself can be said to exist,
then why should he ask,
how could he ask,
"why the long face?"
The question can have no meaning,
and that which has no meaning cannot be stated.
The Bartender, dumbstruck, not by realization of mortality
but by fundamental doubt that he was ever alive,
gazes into the endless depth of the Horse's eyes,
and asks him, "Sir, I beg you say, do I exist?"
The Horse replies,
"Neighhhh..."
I laughed and groaned at the same time.
 
A Horse walks into a bar.
The Bartender sees such a vivid depth
of despair and ennui in the Horse's eyes,
like the Horse has stared into the abyss
and found the infinite void of nothingness so deep
that the Horse could no longer believe
that he himself nor anyone nor anything else existed.
To say something exists requires knowledge of self,
which requires knowledge of existence of the self,
an obviously impossible leap of logic,
absurd to even attempt to conceive or contemplate.
The Bartender,
in that single instant within the Horse's mind,
became the nothingness the Horse perceived,
and thus was rendered speechless.
If neither the Horse,
nor the Bartender,
nor the bar itself can be said to exist,
then why should he ask,
how could he ask,
"why the long face?"
The question can have no meaning,
and that which has no meaning cannot be stated.
The Bartender, dumbstruck, not by realization of mortality
but by fundamental doubt that he was ever alive,
gazes into the endless depth of the Horse's eyes,
and asks him, "Sir, I beg you say, do I exist?"
The Horse replies,
"Neighhhh..."

This is the best philosophy joke I've ever heard, thank you.
 
A male mathematician and a male civil engineer are in a room with a naked woman.
They are told they can approach the naked woman at increments of 1/2 the distance to the woman.
Immediately the male mathematician runs out of the room.
However the civil engineer remains in the room knowing he will get close enough to the naked woman for a practical application.
 
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