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Jokes that make you groan

A woman was sitting at the funeral for her recently deceased husband. A man leaned toward her and asked, "Do you mind if I say a few words?"
"No, go right ahead, " the woman replied.
The man stood up, cleared his throat, said "Plethora ." He then sat back down.
"Thanks, " the woman said, "that means a lot."
 
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don't know s**t?"
And then she went back to reading her book.
 
Bugs Bunny told Porky Pig he was going to the junk yard but has not returned for hours.
Porky goes to the junk yard and looks around.
Porky sees a refrigerator and opens the door and lo and behold there is Bugs.
Porky asks Bugs why is he in a refrigerator.
Bugs replies, "It's a Westinghouse."
 
A teacher is discussing the story of Jonah and the whale. He goes on and on about the scientific impossibilities and how it couldn't possibly have happened the way it is recorded.
A student named Johnny is squirming in his chair, obviously uncomfortable with the mockery. The teacher notices and calls on him.
"Well, Johnny, what do you think of the story about the whale swallowing Jonah"?
Johnny replies, "The Bible says it happened, and I believe it"!
The teacher then says, "Well, how could Jonah have survived with no oxygen in there? What about the stomach acids? How could Jonah have survived for 3 days without being burned up"?
Johnny thinks about it for a few seconds, and then says, "I don't know, sir. I guess when I get to heaven I'll ask Jonah about it".
The teacher snorts, "Well, what if Jonah isn't in heaven"?
Johnny replies, "In that case, sir, then you can ask him".
 

luvmysuper

Moderator Emeritus
Contributor
My associates and I went to a conference in a city. By coincidence, there was a Comic-Con going on.
As a prank, my friends hired a woman to go to my room dressed in a Supergirl outfit.
She told me that she was there to give me Super sex.
I thought about it, and told her I'd take the soup.
 

Rhody

I'm a Lumberjack.
A horse walks into a bar, and orders a drink.

He finished it, and the bartender asks if he wants another one. The horse replies “I think not” and disappears.

This joke is normally told with Rene Descartes as the subject, but to tell you that one first is to put Descartes before the horse.
 
A horse walks into a bar, and orders a drink.

He finished it, and the bartender asks if he wants another one. The horse replies “I think not” and disappears.

This joke is normally told with Rene Descartes as the subject, but to tell you that one first is to put Descartes before the horse.
Yep, that made me groan.
 
A horse walks into a bar, and orders a drink.

He finished it, and the bartender asks if he wants another one. The horse replies “I think not” and disappears.

This joke is normally told with Rene Descartes as the subject, but to tell you that one first is to put Descartes before the horse.
I told that joke to the wrong audience once and very nearly put Descarte before the hearse...
 
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