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Jokes that make you groan

The Knize

Moderator Emeritus
Surely everyone on this forum has heard this line before. I feel like we ought to just start numbering some of these jokes, and then we can just type "No. 5!" :)

But I cannot help myself. "A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't."

The difference between a guitar and bass player?
A guitar player gets students and a bass player gets gigs!
I missed this one earlier. Well-said! I still do not get the ragging on bass players. How many famous bass players seem at all dumb? Duff, maybe. Wyman, perhaps, but surely not Darryl Jones. But do Entwhistle, McCartney, John Paul Jones, Sting, Jaco, Jack Cassady, Phil Lesch, much less James Jamerson, seem dumb to anyone? I was going to say "or wild," but there is a certain argument for mentally ill.

To me, even a mediocre bass player makes live music so much better than recordings. And sometimes I am kind of with George Harrison--"I would prefer he keep it simple and stay in the pocket," so extraordinary chops are not all that necessary. And a bass player with real chops can absolutely make a band.

<And that is how I almost inadvertently became a bass player.>

From what I read, most bass players inadvertently become bass players!

And, again not to be ragging on any players. I cannot play anything.
 

FarmerTan

George Bailey Fanboy
Surely everyone on this forum has heard this line before. I feel like we ought to just start numbering some of these jokes, and then we can just type "No. 5!" :)

But I cannot help myself. "A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't."



I missed this one earlier. Well-said! I still do not get the ragging on bass players. How many famous bass players seem at all dumb? Duff, maybe. Wyman, perhaps, but surely not Darryl Jones. But do Entwhistle, McCartney, John Paul Jones, Sting, Jaco, Jack Cassady, Phil Lesch, much less James Jamerson, seem dumb to anyone? I was going to say "or wild," but there is a certain argument for mentally ill.

To me, even a mediocre bass player makes live music so much better than recordings. And sometimes I am kind of with George Harrison--"I would prefer he keep it simple and stay in the pocket," so extraordinary chops are not all that necessary. And a bass player with real chops can absolutely make a band.

And, again not to be ragging on any players. I cannot play anything.
My buddy is good enough for the orchestra. Stand up bass. Lol, HE'S the one that makes fun of ME! He's got mad skillz, I'm just banging away.
 
Surely everyone on this forum has heard this line before. I feel like we ought to just start numbering some of these jokes, and then we can just type "No. 5!"
That wouldn’t work for me. No matter what, I’ll screw up the joke. I just have no delivery.

No. 5.

See it wasn’t funny at all when I tell it.
 

emwolf

Contributor
I'm so ashamed. I never knew they had no bass player. Lol, my first band had no bass player, which made me either TOTALLY necessary, or the worst player in the band.

Dang! I was BOTH!
They did have a bass line, though it was often played on the organ and not a stringed bass
 

The Knize

Moderator Emeritus
Great Kids in the Hall clip. Although I do not know whether The Doors, one of my all time favorite bands, have that kind of cache with the young but true rock fan crowd, for reasons I do not fully understand. It has seemed to me that being into The Doors was never as fully hip as some other groups. The "Love Her Madly" reference indicates, for reasons too complicated to go into here, that whoever wrote that skit knows The Doors and the "lore" about them!

They did have a bass line, though it was often played on the organ and not a stringed bass
That is a perfect way to state that! I do not know if The Doors ever played live with a conventional "stringed" bass player. I would say that live it was exclusively or almost so Ray Manzarek playing bass lines on a Fender Rhodes bass piano, that sat on top of his signature, for the early albums, Vox Continental organ. (Later Gibson G-101 Kalamazoo combo organ, the 'net tells me.) ray manzarek bass piano - Bing images - https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&ccid=T6hqbZmd&id=9ED9CB20E2E271539D805D14F8EC95C45595B187&thid=OIP.T6hqbZmdgliGQQ9eez_dFAHaEK&mediaurl=https%3a%2f%2fi.ytimg.com%2fvi%2f8fAIJO6bfmU%2fmaxresdefault.jpg&exph=720&expw=1280&q=ray+manzarek+bass+piano&simid=608046771272223372&ck=1D75CBFCDB50D3D65004A6B6CB806EB8&selectedIndex=27&FORM=IRPRST&ajaxhist=0

However--and I did not know this until I looked it up just now--the record store employee in the KITH clip, is wrong. When recording albums The Doors apparently invariably had a conventional, studio-type, bass player--various different players--I assume always along with RM's bass piano work. See The Secret History of the Doors' Bass Players - https://ultimateclassicrock.com/doors-bass-players/

Ironically, the record store guy is recommending the album Waiting for the Sun when he says there is no bass player on it or on any Doors album. The internet tells me there was more than one conventional bass player on WFTS, most notably Doug Lubahn, may he rest in peace, who was on quite a few Doors albums from Strange Days on. See above. And the actual album cut "Waiting for the Sun" actually has two bass lines, both thought likely to have been played by Ray Neopolitan, according to one source, although the source above says RN did not come on board in Doors sessions until Morrison Hotel.

I have told you more than I know! I am personally actually amazed to find out that The Doors had conventional bass being played on every album, including the first one! I thought I knew something about The Doors!

Various artists have done without a bass altogether or for various purposes--or supposedly they did, what the heck do I know. Prince on "When Doves Cry." The White Stripes, I suppose, although I have my doubts now, and assume Jack White did some work arounds to get bass-like lines. Apparently an entire Metallica album. A bunch of Velvets' cuts.
 
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Doc4

Stumpy in cold weather
Moderator Emeritus
Great Kids in the Hall clip. Although I do not know whether The Doors, one of my all time favorite bands, have that kind of cache with the young but true rock fan crowd, for reasons I do not fully understand.
That clip is about 30 years old itself! Man, time flies. Somehow, I'm not still in college but middle-aged with a mortgage and kids.
 

The Knize

Moderator Emeritus
I got my quip from my younger brother who at the age of 40 or so was talking to an 80 some year old guy, and kind of forgot himself, complaining about some aliment, saying "oh, to be 20 again." The response was, of course, "oh, to be 70 again."

Physically it apparently does not get any easier. Hopefully, though, we have acquired some wisdom over the years so that that helps mentally!
 

FarmerTan

George Bailey Fanboy
I got my quip from my younger brother who at the age of 40 or so was talking to an 80 some year old guy, and kind of forgot himself, complaining about some aliment, saying "oh, to be 20 again." The response was, of course, "oh, to be 70 again."

Physically it apparently does not get any easier. Hopefully, though, we have acquired some wisdom over the years so that that helps mentally!
Years ago I ran into a Lodge brother at the store. He looked so depressed. He mentioned that it was his 65th birthday. I was all of a about 30.

He said when he was a kid (he was probably born around 1930 to 35) a man was REALLY old at 65.

He died I know before he hit 70.

This conversation haunts me from time to time, especially now that I'm real close to 65.

Remember to number your days my friends!
 
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