What's new
  • Guest
    As per our long standing policy of not permitting medical advice on the forum - all threads concerning the Coronavirus will be locked.
    For more info on the coronavirus please see the link below:
    https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-nCoV/summary.html

Jokes that make you groan

What's the difference between a bass and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a bass.

How do you reduce wind-drag on a bassist's car?
Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof

What do you throw a drowning bass player?
His Amp.

How many Pop bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The keyboard player does it with his left hand.

What are the three most difficult years in a bass player's life?
Second grade.

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A Bass Player.

Why don't bass players tell blonde jokes?
They don't understand them.

What do a bass and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

The difference between a guitar and bass player?
A guitar player gets students and a bass player gets gigs!
 

emwolf

Contributor
What do you call a trombone player with voice mail? An optimist.

What do you call a guy who hangs around with musicians? A drummer.

So as not to alienate all the trombone players and drummers in the world, those are the instruments my kids play. :) I never could play any instruments and am sad about it!~
very funny! I come from a long line of trombonists AND my brother is a drummer. I'll be telling these on our next zoom call!
 
What's the difference between a bass and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a bass.

How do you reduce wind-drag on a bassist's car?
Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof

What do you throw a drowning bass player?
His Amp.

How many Pop bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The keyboard player does it with his left hand.

What are the three most difficult years in a bass player's life?
Second grade.

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A Bass Player.

Why don't bass players tell blonde jokes?
They don't understand them.

What do a bass and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

The difference between a guitar and bass player?
A guitar player gets students and a bass player gets gigs!
After playing bass for almost 40 years, I am I’m impressed that there were a few of these I haven’t heard yet. 👍
 

The Knize

Moderator Emeritus
Wow, I did not know bass players were picked on! Not sure why the unemployed jokes. Seems to me a bass player can always get work!

A dad gets his son a bass and lessons for his birthday. When the son comes home from his first lesson dad asks, " what did you learn at your first bass lesson son?"

"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4...5 notes on the E string!"

"That's great son!"

The next week rolls around.

"What did you learn at your second bass lesson son?"

"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4..5 notes on the A string!"

"That's great son!"

The next week rolls around.

"What did you learn at your third bass lesson son?"

"I blew it off I had a gig."
 
A dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender - Do you have any jobs?

Why don’t you try the circus?

Why would the circus need a bartender?
 
Sorry for ragging on the bass players. There was a time (long ago) I was hanging out with a band. They had a gig and were desperate for a bass player and they ever spent some time trying to teach me the bass parts of their songs... :lol: I can barely play records so this was stretching my abilities mightily. Fortunately they found a real bass player and made me run the sound board (another thing I didn't know how to do...). While being given the rundown about how to run the board I noticed one channel labeled with the F-word. When I asked about it I was told that it isn't connected but there will be several times during the night when someone comes up and demands that I turn something the F up or down. He said keep it in the middle so they can see you adjust it for them :001_rolle

And that is how I almost inadvertently became a bass player.
 
Top Bottom