Two men run into a bar, the third one ducks....
Jokes that make you groan
- Thread starter Captain Pre-Capsize
- Start date
Yep
An older gentleman getting on in years had spent decades polishing his jokes and practicing them at parties. One night, at a cocktail party, he met a nice older lady. They really hit it off and went out for coffee later that week.
During their date, the man started telling his jokes. He was notorious for his puns, and it was obvious to the lady as to why. They were absolutely brilliant, well timed, dry, and always seemed to fit the moment perfectly. His puns always made her smile.
One day she read in the newspaper that people could enter up to ten puns in a joke contest with a grand prize of $10,000. She couldn't wait until later that day when she would see him so she could tell him. When they met, she convinced the man to enter the contest, as surely he would win.
The man spent hours trying to write his best puns. After gleaning his list many times with the lady, they finally decided which ten puns he would submit.
Weeks later a letter announcing the results of the contest finally came. The man excitedly opened it. Slowly his eyes scanned the page until he quietly folded the paper back up and placed it on the table. He looked crushed. The lady asked nervously - Did you win?
The man looked at her and quietly muttered - No pun in ten did.
.
During their date, the man started telling his jokes. He was notorious for his puns, and it was obvious to the lady as to why. They were absolutely brilliant, well timed, dry, and always seemed to fit the moment perfectly. His puns always made her smile.
One day she read in the newspaper that people could enter up to ten puns in a joke contest with a grand prize of $10,000. She couldn't wait until later that day when she would see him so she could tell him. When they met, she convinced the man to enter the contest, as surely he would win.
The man spent hours trying to write his best puns. After gleaning his list many times with the lady, they finally decided which ten puns he would submit.
Weeks later a letter announcing the results of the contest finally came. The man excitedly opened it. Slowly his eyes scanned the page until he quietly folded the paper back up and placed it on the table. He looked crushed. The lady asked nervously - Did you win?
The man looked at her and quietly muttered - No pun in ten did.
.
Perfect meta joke! Kind of like, and I am afraid I used this before: An Englishman, an Irishman, and an American walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "what is this, some kind of joke?"
This may have been posted here, but this thread is going on so long I can't remember where I saw it:
A Priest, an Imam, and a rabbit walk into bar. The rabbit says, "I'm only here because of auto-correct."
A Priest, an Imam, and a rabbit walk into bar. The rabbit says, "I'm only here because of auto-correct."
Q: Why don't ants get the Corona Virus?
A: Because they have little anty bodies.
A: Because they have little anty bodies.
This one may have shown up previously:
"People laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now!"
And "What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?"
Kind of meta.
"People laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now!"
And "What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?"
Kind of meta.
Owen Bawn
Garden party cupcake scented
The Democrats are going to wait until next week to decide if they will declare themselves the winners of the election, or concede defeat.
... they're Biden their time.
That was the worst joke.
That was the worst joke.
Why are the best playgrounds in the midwest?
They have the most swing states!
They have the most swing states!
Why don't we have the results of the election yet?
It's a race between two men in their 70s, what do you expect?
It's a race between two men in their 70s, what do you expect?
Do Not Touch ! ! !
(this must be one of the scariest things to read in braille)
(this must be one of the scariest things to read in braille)
So do Hawaiians laugh loudly? Or is it just a low ha? 
My wife asked me if I could clear the dining room table. I said I thought so.
It took a running start but I managed to do it . . . .
It took a running start but I managed to do it . . . .
"twenty twenty" isn't one word ...
"twentytwenty" it is now...
More likely a tic. If you catch my drift...
I always said I wanted to be "somebody."
But I see now I should have been more specific.
But I see now I should have been more specific.
