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In Honor Of My Departed Love

emwolf, trentr, benos, and Duke of Buckingham -- Thank you so much for your responses. Trent, it never occurred to me to take your words as anything but positive.

Today is two weeks to the day that I lost her--seems like 2 hours. My moments of strength are slow in coming, but they are coming. I have long been a man of rationale, of logic, of science, but in the last week I have experienced things that I simply cannot explain, occurrences in my home (in which I live alone) that have never happened before. I can only believe these things are Denise's way of telling me she's here and watching. They don't make the ache recede but they do allow for a whisper of comfort to ease the pain.

I have been warmly and truly graced by the outpouring of support here. I am deeply and forever touched by everyone's generosity of humanity, of their willingness to set aside whatever differences we may have and lend support to a complete stranger.

Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. I know the healing has begun, and you all were a part of it.
 
emwolf, trentr, benos, and Duke of Buckingham -- Thank you so much for your responses. Trent, it never occurred to me to take your words as anything but positive.

Today is two weeks to the day that I lost her--seems like 2 hours. My moments of strength are slow in coming, but they are coming. I have long been a man of rationale, of logic, of science, but in the last week I have experienced things that I simply cannot explain, occurrences in my home (in which I live alone) that have never happened before. I can only believe these things are Denise's way of telling me she's here and watching. They don't make the ache recede but they do allow for a whisper of comfort to ease the pain.

I have been warmly and truly graced by the outpouring of support here. I am deeply and forever touched by everyone's generosity of humanity, of their willingness to set aside whatever differences we may have and lend support to a complete stranger.

Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. I know the healing has begun, and you all were a part of it.
I have just read your thread to night and I am very sorry for your loss. I hope you healing continues with the help and strength of your cherished fond memories.
 
I have just read your thread to night and I am very sorry for your loss. I hope you healing continues with the help and strength of your cherished fond memories.
I know the healing will come, Time and Insight help with that. Memories will cause me to stumble, even face plant at times, but they too are an essential part of the process. I thank you for taking the time to read this and to send me your thoughts.
 
My brother,

My heart hurts for your loss, and reading each word you’ve written, it’s clear just how much you cared for Denise.

I haven’t much to offer other than a story of my own, per your request.

I grew up in a military family, moving all over Canada every few years or so and starting a new. The hardest part was a year and a half left of high school and moving yet again. I missed all of my friends dearly, and begrudgingly started to make new ones.

At the end of the 11th grade I had met a nice Italian girl who was in a few of my classes. Turns out she lived a few blocks from my home and I had already made friends with her younger sister from a different class.

Anyhow, this Italian beauty just caught my attention off the bat. She was taller, fit and had legs for days. Way out of my league fellas. We became friends, joked around, threw bouts of sarcasm back and forth, and even spoke late in evening on the phone. Everything just clicked. Problem was... I had a girlfriend.

Anyhow, the relationship with the girlfriend didn’t work out, as she chose to pursue and bed her manager. But-she was kind enough to break that news to me during a spare in University. Long story short, I remained a gentleman, promptly emptied my belongings from our shared locker and never looked back. That night, my typical evening phone call with the Italian beauty were filled with words of positivity and encouragement. She was so supportive and angry for me.

Time went on as I focused on my studies, but I would always call or visit the Italian beauty at her work. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Weeks turned to months and it only intensified. One day, I left work early and went to meet her for lunch. I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like my chest was about to explode. I was terrified as what was about to happen. I let it all out during lunch in the food court. 4 years of pent up emotion for this girl that I had no business being in the same room with. The expression on her face looked like she had seen a ghost. I walked her back to work and the only thing she said was “Well...that was weird.”

We didn’t speak for 4 or 5 days when she finally called me and asked “Where the hell have you been?” I reminded her of our lunch date and she told me to get over it, in her usual sarcastic tone.

The following week we spent a bit of time together...movies, dinner, whatever. I tried not to look too much into it. After an evening date I walked her to her door as usual and gave her my standard hug. I smiled at her. But she didn’t smile back. She just stared at me. The next thing I knew she pressed her lips against mine. After a second or two, she pulled away and smiled. “I’ll call you later tonight” she said.

I felt like I could have sprouted wings and flown to the moon. The Italian beauty had feelings for this nobody.

We went on date after date for 5 years until I finally I decided I didn’t want to date her anymore. It was shortly after my 21st birthday I asked her to marry me.

That was 20 years ago. 15 years married and two gorgeous daughters later, I still annoy that Italian beauty on the daily. And I know she wouldn’t have it any other way.

May you find peace and comfort in your memories of your “Bella”. You’ll see her again one day, this I’m hopeful for.

Brad.
 
Brad, thank you very much for your story. Mine and Denise's story shares some similarities with yours.

When she and I first started talking we used Yahoo Messenger for about a month or so I think before eventually turning to the phone. Like you and your wife we started out as friends (BTW, Denise was Italian-American, too; her legs didn't go on forever but they were delights for the senses to be sure--she had gorgeous dark hair, beautiful eyes, and the best lips for kissing) . At the outset, the first time we chatted, I told her about a recent relationship that went sour and she was supportive even though she didn't know me. The first time we met there was zero awkwardness, we clicked like we had known one another for years, and at that point I think we had only been talking for little more than a couple months.

A few years passed, countless hours talking, mostly every day, sometimes hours a day. Then one day she was over at my apartment hanging out and it came time for her to leave. I walked her out to her car, she dropped her purse into the passenger seat then stood up again and pulled me into the most intense, passionate, beautiful kiss--we had not kissed up to that point, Heaven knows how I wanted to but I was terrified I would scare her away, and I wanted her in my life so much that I didn't want to run that risk; yet there we were, making out in the apartment parking lot--directly across from the complex office, no less. I think we stood there kissing for a solid five minutes. I was stunned, but you could not have found a thirstier man in the Sahara desert, and her kiss was like a water fountain from which flowed ambrosia.

I recall her saying "Well, I should get going" at least twice, but each time I would lean in and kiss her again. Every kiss we shared after that was infused with the same passion, a shared, wordless expression of our heart's desires. I never, truly never tired of her kiss, always wanting more. My singular anticipation now is to once again, when I am rejoined with her, to feel that ambrosia coursing through my soul and lifting my spirit to the next level.

I love you, Bella. I miss you fiercely. I am with you in spirit; please be in spirit with me always.

Eternally Yours,
Me

Denise across from Chase Field in 2011.jpg
Denise new glasses 2019.jpeg
 
Hang in there. I'm not sure there will ever come a time when I don't miss my dad (and I actually hope that never happens) but the pangs are nowhere near as sharp as they were 5 years ago.
 
Jeff, I

don't know what to say, except I hope this message finds you on a path of increased happiness and just sending you some love man. <3
 
Linty, I know what to say . . . thank you. I call upon her often (she acts like she's exasperated, but I know she loves it); within her memory and genuine non-physical presence I find my moments of happiness.
 
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