I'm Pretty Sure I Have an Anger Problem

[AABCDS]

If you'd like to skip all this background information just skip down to the section labeled "The Story".

Synopsis

Person backs up, stops less than a foot away from my bumper at the gas station, and I react irrationally.

Background Info About Me

I'm a relaxed, soft-spoken guy. I keep to myself, am a homebody, don't drink, don't do drugs, don't go out at night unless it's to the movies. Every once in a while though, something will just set me off.

After I was deployed to Afghanistan and returned home, pretty much every little annoyance just rolled off my back. People driving slow or tailgaters didn't really bother me when I was used to worrying about IEDs and my primary objective was bringing everyone in my platoon home alive.

Shortly after I got back to the States, I moved to Atlanta. I have driven extensively in several parts of the country, Washington, California, Ohio, and Maryland; Atlanta definitely has the worst drivers I've seen.

The Story

So I went to Costco to get gas around 6:30 PM today and it wasn't very busy. I was in the far right pump waiting with two cars at the two pumps in front of me. Both cars were not actively filling and both drivers were in their cars. The car closest to me pulls around to the right and pulls away. Not knowing if the far car was done or had just arrived, I pull up, wait about five seconds, and get out to start filling up. Before I start filling up, the car in front pulls away.

Then this girl, mid-twenties, pulls around to get to the front pump, throws it into reverse, backs up past her pump and stops less than a foot away from my front bumper. I thought she was going to hit my car. I knew she did that on purpose so that I would have to back up to get around her once I was done.

My Reaction

She gets out of the car and I say, "Parked it kind of close there."

She replies, "Well, next time pull up to the front pump." That was it! It was on like Donkey Kong.

I yelled, "Hey, when I pulled up, the front car was just sitting there! I waited and it just stayed there so I got out. That's when it pulled away!"

She says, "I'll call the cops."

I say, "Call the cops! You don't think I don't know to pull up to the front pump?! You think I'm inconsiderate?!"

She says, "I'll call the cops."

I say, "Call the cops!" I said some more stuff but I don't remember. At one point, I yelled something and finished with "idiot."

She said, "Calm down, it's not a big deal." What a hypocrite. It was a big enough deal for you to take the extra five seconds, throw it into reverse, stop less than a foot away from my bumper, leaving her gas cap nearly 10 feet away from the nozzle.

I got into my car and waited until we finished. She even had to gall to look at me several times after this like I had done something wrong! ARGH!

• What do you think?
• Do I need anger management classes?
• Should I have just let it go? What about people saying stand up for what you think is wrong?
• Should I have honked at her the entire time she was filling up?
• Should I have pulled around her once I was done and then blocked her in?
• Is life too short for this? I think life is too long to have to let people get away with this crap.

All responses welcome.

 

[August West]

Brother, you are a choir boy relative to my volatile nature. All kidding aside: I don't think you are ready for the couch. I do however have a therapist and it doesn't hurt especially if insurance covers it.

 

[AABCDS]

Brother, you are a choir boy relative to my volatile nature. All kidding aside: I don't think you are ready for the couch. I do however have a therapist and it doesn't hurt especially if insurance covers it.

Yeah, not the worst but not the best either. I'd like to get to the point of discussing rationally with a person the errors of his ways without becoming a bigger idiot and losing my cool.

 

[August West]

Yeah, not the worst but not the best either. I'd like to get to the point of discussing rationally with a person the errors of his ways without becoming a bigger idiot and losing my cool.

I reckon the world ain't like B&B.

 

[BigFoot]

Buy another brush James......you will feel better.

In this day and age with all the nut jobs running around I tend not to say anything. I used to flip people off a lot, especially on the motorcycle, then I started thinking that is stupid they are a lot bigger than me.

 

[Shaving_CHENG]

We are very similar.

I think it stems from a feeling of being threatened or a feeling of impotence. Maybe you're not ready for a couch just yet, but you should take some time, think about why her actions would provoke your reaction, and from where those feelings come.

You'd be amazed at what you can do in just a morning of deep reflection. Good luck, and there are plenty of guys here to whom you can reach out if you need.

 

[auk1124]

You did the right thing by calling her out on her behavior. The older I get, the less patience I have for the passive-aggressive BS that so many people feel free to throw at strangers. Maybe next time she will act like an adult.

I'm to the point of nearly screaming at the pimply little idiots who address me as "Bud" at drive-through windows.

 

[Dusty1]

Thats it, I'm calling the cops!

 

[August West]

We are very similar.

I think it stems from a feeling of being threatened or a feeling of impotence. Maybe you're not ready for a couch just yet, but you should take some time, think about why her actions would provoke your reaction, and from where those feelings come.

You'd be amazed at what you can do in just a morning of deep reflection. Good luck, and there are plenty of guys here to whom you can reach out if you need.

I would say threatened in my case. This is what I have learned over time.

 

[Slash McCoy]

You got to bekidding.I would have slapped her crosseyed and then knocked out her daddys teeth for passing on the stoopid gene and then went looking for her husband for letting her drive.

Lol seriously idiots do roam the earth and sometimes it is best to just vent a little and forget abot it. If you are still in the service you might want to see about getting some couch time with a therapist or something.. Dr Slash's advice and diagnosis, which are worth about what you paid for it, is you arent so much having anger issues as readjustment issues. You spent a year where violence was normal and sometimes necessary for your own aurvival and to get thigs done. You also lived under the constant threat of violence. You are still used to a higher stakes game. Then some bimbo with an iq equal to her chest measrement acts like a total retard and you lashed out in a way that you realize was quite a bit beyond how you would have handled it a couple of years ago. I got news for ya. That is not such a rare thing and nothing is wrong with you unless it is a little mild PTSD. You can fix this I think. But it might be easier with counseling and/or therapy.Meanwhile figure out ways to relax and get back into the buainess of enjoying and appreciating life.

Five cents, please.

 

[August West]

You got to bekidding.I would have slapped her crosseyed and then knocked out her daddys teeth for passing on the stoopid gene and then went looking for her husband for letting her drive.

Lol seriously idiots do roam the earth and sometimes it is best to just vent a little and forget abot it. If you are still in the service you might want to see about getting some couch time with a therapist or something.. Dr Slash's advice and diagnosis, which are worth about what you paid for it, is you arent so much having anger issues as readjustment issues. You spent a year where violence was normal and sometimes necessary for your own aurvival and to get thigs done. You also lived under the constant threat of violence. You are still used to a higher stakes game. Then some bimbo with an iq equal to her chest measrement acts like a total retard and you lashed out in a way that you realize was quite a bit beyond how you would have handled it a couple of years ago. I got news for ya. That is not such a rare thing and nothing is wrong with you unless it is a little mild PTSD. You can fix this I think. But it might be easier with counseling and/or therapy.Meanwhile figure out ways to relax and get back into the buainess of enjoying and appreciating life.

Five cents, please.

How the heck did you get copies of my records? Seriously, it can be managed but never truly "cured" according to conventional medical wisdom. Very perceptive good man.

 

[AABCDS]

Buy another brush James......you will feel better.

In this day and age with all the nut jobs running around I tend not to say anything. I used to flip people off a lot, especially on the motorcycle, then I started thinking that is stupid they are a lot bigger than me.

I would buy another brush, Scott, but I'm still waiting on the purple B&B Essentials! I've always wanted to learn how to ride but not with the way people drive around here.

We are very similar.

I think it stems from a feeling of being threatened or a feeling of impotence. Maybe you're not ready for a couch just yet, but you should take some time, think about why her actions would provoke your reaction, and from where those feelings come.

You'd be amazed at what you can do in just a morning of deep reflection. Good luck, and there are plenty of guys here to whom you can reach out if you need.

Good advice.

You did the right thing by calling her out on her behavior. The older I get, the less patience I have for the passive-aggressive BS that so many people feel free to throw at strangers. Maybe next time she will act like an adult.

I'm to the point of nearly screaming at the pimply little idiots who address me as "Bud" at drive-through windows.

Yeah, I'm getting less patient with people as I get older too. It reminds me of the saying "The more people I meet, the more I love my pets."

Thats it, I'm calling the cops!

Call the cops!

You got to bekidding.I would have slapped her crosseyed and then knocked out her daddys teeth for passing on the stoopid gene and then went looking for her husband for letting her drive.

Lol seriously idiots do roam the earth and sometimes it is best to just vent a little and forget abot it. If you are still in the service you might want to see about getting some couch time with a therapist or something.. Dr Slash's advice and diagnosis, which are worth about what you paid for it, is you arent so much having anger issues as readjustment issues. You spent a year where violence was normal and sometimes necessary for your own aurvival and to get thigs done. You also lived under the constant threat of violence. You are still used to a higher stakes game. Then some bimbo with an iq equal to her chest measrement acts like a total retard and you lashed out in a way that you realize was quite a bit beyond how you would have handled it a couple of years ago. I got news for ya. That is not such a rare thing and nothing is wrong with you unless it is a little mild PTSD. You can fix this I think. But it might be easier with counseling and/or therapy.Meanwhile figure out ways to relax and get back into the buainess of enjoying and appreciating life.

Five cents, please.

It's been a while since I got back from deployment, over three years; I got back in July 2010. I need to start exercising again. I've really let myself go and have been eating poorly. Gotta find a better way to expend all that energy.

I appreciate all the empathic responses, gentlemen. I feel better already.

 

[Chadao]

I go to therapy for my anger. I lose my temper at inappropriate times, and it has jeopardized my job in the past. I'm not cured, but in much more control now. One thing helps..."Every time they make me angry, they win."

 

[keepcalm]

Agree with Slash...and not too continue beating a dead horse, but your best option would be to get some counsel while you are in. I did it kind of late in the game and now I'm having to deal with heart issues, related to my explosive personality, anger, etc after being in a grunt for 20 years.

In the end, is not worth your health. Hope this helps.

edit: sorry I didnt see your vet badge and thought you were still in...so my advice, if you will, life is too short for that. If you can or if it gets worse, I'd see a doctor/counselor etc.

 

[August West]

I would buy another brush, Scott, but I'm still waiting on the purple B&B Essentials! I've always wanted to learn how to ride but not with the way people drive around here.



Good advice.



Yeah, I'm getting less patient with people as I get older too. It reminds me of the saying "The more people I meet, the more I love my pets."



Call the cops!



It's been a while since I got back from deployment, over three years; I got back in July 2010. I need to start exercising again. I've really let myself go and have been eating poorly. Gotta find a better way to expend all that energy.

I appreciate all the empathic responses, gentlemen. I feel better already.

You have many Brothers here. Welcome Home.

 

[AABCDS]

Agree with Slash...and not too continue beating a dead horse, but your best option would be to get some counsel while you are in. I did it kind of late in the game and now I'm having to deal with heart issues, related to my explosive personality, anger, etc after being in a grunt for 20 years.

In the end, is not worth your health. Hope this helps.

edit: sorry I didnt see your vet badge and thought you were still in...so my advice, if you will, life is too short for that. If you can or if it gets worse, I'd see a doctor/counselor etc.

I'm in the Reserves so I'm still in, sort of. Good advice from a great user name!

 

[ctr]

Life is too short. There are more idiots than I have time.

I try and let things go. Karma takes care of the rest.

 

[AABCDS]

Life is too short. There are more idiots than I have time.

I try and let things go. Karma takes care of the rest.

That is certainly true.

 

[jrp316]

Water off a duck's back, that's all it is to me. I had a similar event happen to me at a gas station a few years ago. I used to have a 1977 MGB roadster. Small, but fun little car (if you've never seen or heard of one, think Miata size). I pull up to the middle pump behind another car which pulls away just as I stop. I start to pull up and a Tahoe SUV pulls up in front of me. I switch the ignition off and wait for the engine to stop. (The car had an issue where it wouldn't always stop immediately when the key was off. It would run anywhere from a few seconds to a minute or so normally after the key was switched off.)

Lo and behold, I look up and see the SUV's backup lights come on and it starts backing up toward me! I put the car in reverse and have just enough running time left to back it away to the rear pump. A little 5-foot-nothing blonde woman climbs down out of the SUV where I politely point out that she nearly ran me over. Her response? "Well...you shouldn't drive such a small car! People can't see those tiny cars!" I think I was too stunned to be angry.

 

[tugboat]

those who practice restraint in body, mind, and word, are surely in control of themselves...The Dhammapada..... I have an explosive temper when I cross a line. I try to remember these words... However, in todays world, with the lack of common respect and just shear idiocy, things often become quite difficult.....