1. Whoever invented autocorrect should burn in hello.
2. Chuck Norris went to Burger King and ordered a Big Mac - and got one.
2. Chuck Norris went to Burger King and ordered a Big Mac - and got one.
I'm cold and bored and need some jokes.
- Thread starter ike
- Start date
I’m not good at telling jokes.
Rhody
I'm a Lumberjack.
Why did the skunk go to church?
To sit in his own pew
To sit in his own pew
Why are there no streets named after Chuck Norris?
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Last night my wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to take a running start, but I managed.
I had to take a running start, but I managed.
Here's a story I love to tell. Let's see if I can remember...
It seems Mark Twain was traveling home in a train after going fishing somewhere in Maine? New England somewhere I think. Out of season.
A guy sits next to him and Mr Twain commences to brag about all the fish he caught. He turns to the man and asks, " by the way, who are you?"
The stranger says, "I'm the game warden around these parts. Who are you?"
Twain replies, "the biggest dam liar you ever met!"
It seems Mark Twain was traveling home in a train after going fishing somewhere in Maine? New England somewhere I think. Out of season.
A guy sits next to him and Mr Twain commences to brag about all the fish he caught. He turns to the man and asks, " by the way, who are you?"
The stranger says, "I'm the game warden around these parts. Who are you?"
Twain replies, "the biggest dam liar you ever met!"
After this one guy realized someone replaced his shaving cream with mayonnaise, he shouted, "what the Hellman!"
The jokes so far are pretty good. I’m talking about Jokes 2 -7.
Well - feel free to contribute a better one!
Lol, I'm thinking he was praising ALL the jokes posted to that point! So...........
THE JOKE'S ON YOU!
Hey folks, I'm here all week! (Kinda literally. My wife won't know I'm dead till I start decomposing in my Lazyarseboy, with my phone in hand, with a half written, half witted reply on a B&B thread!
Here's another Mark Twain story. Unless I mess it up....
So old Sam Clemens was getting a haircut. The barber, making conversation, like all us GREAT hair cutters do, especially with a new customer, asks ole Sam, "You going to see that Mark Twain feller talk tonight? I hear it's standing room only."
To which Sam replies, "Dang it! Seems I have to stand everytime I see that man speak!"
So old Sam Clemens was getting a haircut. The barber, making conversation, like all us GREAT hair cutters do, especially with a new customer, asks ole Sam, "You going to see that Mark Twain feller talk tonight? I hear it's standing room only."
To which Sam replies, "Dang it! Seems I have to stand everytime I see that man speak!"
- Thread starter
- #12
It sure comes across as that he didn't like my lead-in jokes.
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Weren't there 8? 
Somebody better laugh at my joke, or I'll be forced to tell another one!
- Thread starter
- #16
Mark Twain is a classic. Keep them coming.
I’m thinking (hoping) that Billski was being sarcastic. Sometimes subtleties of humor don’t convey well online. What is needed is a good sarcasm font.
Billski's humor is native to the Sahara Desert.
- Thread starter
- #18
Are you telling me his humor is DRY? Lol!
Man, I'm scared to jump in now. But here goes.
Q: Where do Martians keep their armies?
A: In their sleevies.
Q: Where do Martians keep their armies?
A: In their sleevies.
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