I Thought Changing Diapers was Hard...

[BEAR DEN]

My kids are now between the ages of 18 and 20, and do I ever long for the days when all they did was cry and poop their diapers. They are on their own and not on their own. They won't listen to any advice at all. In fact they will probably do the opposite of what I suggest. They are gone most of the time except when they need something. Oh, and I use to think diapers were expensive, NOT compared to the price of your kids making their way out...sort of, the nest. I love them to pieces but it's driving my wife and I a little crazy.
Any one have advice or words of encouragement

 

[no_pants_cat]

I say tell them it's time they left the nest. It sounds like you've taken good care of them for 2 decades (!!), now it's time for you and the misses to have some time to yourselves.

I think that's kind of funny... you must be a pretty good parent. I'm only 25 but I moved out of my mom's house as soon as I could afford it (right when I had just turned 18). Hell, I moved across the country to get farther away.

 

[burnwood]

The road with a come on by for a visit is what they need.

 

[BEAR DEN]

I say tell them it's time they left the nest. It sounds like you've taken good care of them for 2 decades (!!), now it's time for you and the misses to have some time to yourselves.

I think that's kind of funny... you must be a pretty good parent. I'm only 25 but I moved out of my mom's house as soon as I could afford it (right when I had just turned 18). Hell, I moved across the country to get farther away.

You must have had good upbringing that you had the convidence to do that. It shows that your a motivated person. Very good quality IMO.

 

[NBS 4life]

I live in a tiny community (very hard to source shaving supplies) I moved away from my parents when I was young to the place I now live purely based on the idea that I wanted to live a simple life surfing etc.

I still go to them if I need help etc and I think that it is normal. Where the line should be drawn however is when someone is using you. You sound like the sort of parent who is so kind to the offspring that they take you forgranted.

One day tell them to lump it, you might get some interesting results.

 

[Walter Sobchak]

Good Advice, NBS.

I'm at the complete opposite end of the spectrum. I've got three in diapers and it's making us crazy! They're the sweetest things and I don't look forward to having 3 leaving the nest all at once. I applaud your fine parenting, BearDen. Be sure not to forget how hard this can be on the Misses. It seems the empty nest hurts most our beloved wives and mothers.

 

[sapito318]

I've got 1 in diapers, and am enjoying it while I can cuz I know the trouble I put my parents through when I got older

I moved out when I was 18, and moved far enough away that I would be able to be on my own without having to bug my parents. Then I got married a few months later, and am as happy as can be. It was the best thing for me to move out. It removes the dependance crutch. I say ask them to move out and come visit, or if that dont work give 'em the boot and go watch a movie with your wife in peace!

 

[mretzloff]

My kids are now between the ages of 18 and 20, and do I ever long for the days when all they did was cry and poop their diapers. They are on their own and not on their own. They won't listen to any advice at all. In fact they will probably do the opposite of what I suggest. They are gone most of the time except when they need something. Oh, and I use to think diapers were expensive, NOT compared to the price of your kids making their way out...sort of, the nest. I love them to pieces but it's driving my wife and I a little crazy.
Any one have advice or words of encouragement

I'm 18. The best way to deal with this is to draw a line and refuse to let them step over it. We young adults can be a bit arrogant at times, but I guarantee you that your kids do listen to your advice, but just don't want to show it.

 

[Cutter]

I had one boy, when he was 17 I told him to get a hobby. I was thinking cars or sports, but no. He found this girl that shoots out kids like a Pez dispenser and now I have custody of his 4 kids. Good times!

 

[Sue]

My youngest is married with three kids. Your kids are at a difficult age--balancing the security of home and all that it entails: meals, a bed, toilet paper -TO- I'm on my own and a big bite of reality; food, utilities, or 'oh no'-I need a new transmission.

If I can offer any advice .... it is that they will find their way in their own time, relax. Let go of any feeling that you are responsible for their every need. Don't offer advice unless asked. Don't cater to them but be available if needed/asked. Don't be an open checkbook, make them stand-up. Reconnect with your wife, have fun together, this time will pass just like the terrible two's.

Our three kids moved after school; on to college or out of town and to budding careers out of state. We visited occassionally but did our own things we enjoyed as a couple; camping, fishing and a lot of travel. We even joined a dance club during the week and met those friends on the weekend for dancing and drinks.

Where are the kids now? Once scattered from Amsterdam to Michigan, they each own houses in my subdivision by their choice. One son right across the street. The other son and Wendy just a couple blocks away and they live three houses apart from each other.

Reconnect with your wife and let the kids fly on their own wings. You;ve done what you can do, be proud they want to be on their own.
Sue

 

[rickw]

Wait till they come home after the divorce or with spouse and two young children. Then you can start changing diapers again.