How to be a good guest

[Alacrity59]

I just responded to a question about dish washing which has lead me to start this thread. I'm certain a great lot of this has been covered on B&B before but can we go over it all one more time.

A good guest:

• Brings a bottle of wine to a dinner and says "This is for you to enjoy how you like". This allows the host to serve what was planned with no obligation to serve the chateau neuf de plonk you brought.

OK please add to the list . . . if you will be so kind


Thanks,

Mike

 

[thunderball]

I'm assuming you mean a dinner or party guest (and not a staying-overnight guest)?

• Ask if there is anything you can bring or contribute beforehand.
• Don't bring your uninvited friend (obviously)
• Be on time.
• Don't get completely drunk
• Avoid contentious topics at dinner
• Know when to go home

EDIT: Forgot - always compliment the chef.

 

[Navig8tor]

[*]Know when to go home

+1

Also, if you have any food allergies or things you won't eat please discuss them before the dinner. Nothing makes a host feel worse than serving a meal their guest can't/won't eat.

 

[Badgers]

I'm assuming you mean a dinner or party guest (and not a staying-overnight guest)?

• Ask if there is anything you can bring or contribute beforehand.
• Don't bring your uninvited friend (obviously)
• Be on time.
• Don't get completely drunk
• Avoid contentious topics at dinner
• Know when to go home

EDIT: Forgot - always compliment the chef.

What would you say is the policy on bringing over an uninvited friend?

 

[thunderball]

What would you say is the policy on bringing over an uninvited friend?

I would say that, generally, there isn't a policy. If the matter was discussed beforehand and the host was okay with it then it would be alright (in which case his status would have changed from 'uninvited' to 'invited') but otherwise I just wouldn't do it.

Of course I'm only speaking about a fairly formal dinner party or a party perhaps with people who aren't your closest friends. If it's just a Super Bowl (Canadians read: Stanley Cup finals) kegger down the street at your buddy Brent's place, well then I wouldn't hesitate so much to bring somebody unexpectedly. Or if the venue was not somebody's house but rather a pub or something casual with unreserved seating I might also take the chance and bowl up with an unexpected friend.

 

[airplanedoc]

Judging by the title, I thought this might be the inverse of the "How to be a good server" thread.

Oh Well...

 

[castlecraver]

1. Try to greet other guests within 3-5 minutes. Try not to end up taking 8-10 minutes to greet another guest, because that's when people start to get irritated. If you do take longer than 5 minutes, do apologize.

2. Make sure you have utensils. I can't count the times I've either had to use my hands or had to asks my host for some. I've also have seen other guests and even my girlfriend was given food (which I didn't order any food that time) without being served any utensils.

3. When the host says something, WRITE their order down. Write down EVERY detail and repeat it to everyone within earshot. Make sure you understand every detail like if they said "we're having crab" and you may have thought they said "I have crabs." I've had 2 parties that 2 different hosts at 2 different houses assumed I wanted ketchup "ON THE SIDE" meaning that I didn't want ketchup on my steak I ordered, when I actually wanted "2 SIDES" of extra ketchup to drown my steak in. So when talking in all caps, MAKE DARN SURE that you get EXACTLY what they said. I NEVER said "on the side", but they ASSUMED that, even though one of those times I remember I said "2 sides of "EXTRA" ketchup." I also NEVER said I wanted the steak cooked either. They just ASSUMED that. When in doubt, ASK or ASK them to repeat their order.

4. NEVER "ASSUME" ANYTHING, EVER! For example: My girlfriend and I went to 2 parties at the unabomber's shack. I didn't want what she wanted and she didn't want what I wanted, so that's why we ordered 2. We figured we could take the food home if we had too much. The host ASSUMED I wanted the appetizer served by a guy in a gorilla suit. For starters, I NEVER ONCE said that. Also, I should assume that since Tom Cruise states Xenu shall return, that I would get it through a beer bong unless I state otherwise. We were waiting quite a while when the waiter came around and we asked where my pants were. Our demonically possessed weinerdog replied "gneesh jort hoowahka" I told him "Su-Sussudio" I was SOME PISSED that he "ASSUMED" we were going to "projectile vomit" the first appetizer. Anyway, I received it 2 minutes literally before Xenu returned as Tom Cruise prophesied.

(etc)

 

[Wilpar76]

What would you say is the policy on bringing over an uninvited friend?

Just don't do it. It is in poor taste for several reasons.
1. They weren't invited.
2. There may not be enough provisions.
3. There may not be enough space.
4. The host may not like the person or want them in their house.
5. It is universally considered to be rude.


Also, as a guest, you should always offer to help clear the dinner table or offer to help serve dessert. Most times the host will decline the offer, but the gesture will be greatly appreciated.

 

[rm71]

I'm assuming you mean a dinner or party guest (and not a staying-overnight guest)?

• Ask if there is anything you can bring or contribute beforehand.
• Don't bring your uninvited friend (obviously)
• Be on time.
• Don't get completely drunk
• Avoid contentious topics at dinner
• Know when to go home

EDIT: Forgot - always compliment the chef.

+1. Summed up nicely.

 

[Mr. Imperial]

4. NEVER "ASSUME" ANYTHING, EVER! For example: My girlfriend and I went to 2 parties at the unabomber's shack. I didn't want what she wanted and she didn't want what I wanted, so that's why we ordered 2. We figured we could take the food home if we had too much. The host ASSUMED I wanted the appetizer served by a guy in a gorilla suit. For starters, I NEVER ONCE said that. Also, I should assume that since Tom Cruise states Xenu shall return, that I would get it through a beer bong unless I state otherwise. We were waiting quite a while when the waiter came around and we asked where my pants were. Our demonically possessed weinerdog replied "gneesh jort hoowahka" I told him "Su-Sussudio" I was SOME PISSED that he "ASSUMED" we were going to "projectile vomit" the first appetizer. Anyway, I received it 2 minutes literally before Xenu returned as Tom Cruise prophesied.

(etc)

hahaha...

 

[Alacrity59]

3. ......I've had 2 parties that 2 different hosts at 2 different houses assumed I wanted ketchup "ON THE SIDE" meaning that I didn't want ketchup on my steak I ordered, when I actually wanted "2 SIDES" of extra ketchup to drown my steak in. So when talking in all caps, MAKE DARN SURE that you get EXACTLY what they said. I NEVER said "on the side", but they ASSUMED that, even though one of those times I remember I said "2 sides of "EXTRA" ketchup." I also NEVER said I wanted the steak cooked either. They just ASSUMED that. When in doubt, ASK or ASK them to repeat their order.


(etc)

Good guests never ask for ketchup on the side?

 

[Bertilak]

If you show up as an uninvited guest to a wine tasting party (where all the invited guests chipped in to cover the cost of the wine) don't ask for club soda to mix with the wine you are (reluctantly) served.

This is *not* a hypothetical case!

 

[Sue]

~ Don't start eating before the host has even sat down
~ Don't turn on their TV
~ Don't bring a movie and start playing it
~ Don't keep going outside to listen to the game because the host won't turn it on inside the house.
~ Pass the dishes being served (or don't fill your plate and start eating and leave it in front of your plate).
~ If there is music playing softly in the background, don't change it to your choice and turn it up LOUD.

Unreasonable? Yeah, these are true
Sue

 

[FreezerBurns]

~ Don't start eating before the host has even sat down
~ Don't turn on their TV
~ Don't bring a movie and start playing it
~ Don't keep going outside to listen to the game because the host won't turn it on inside the house.
~ Pass the dishes being served (or don't fill your plate and start eating and leave it in front of your plate).
~ If there is music playing softly in the background, don't change it to your choice and turn it up LOUD.

Unreasonable? Yeah, these are true
Sue

Yes, they are true... I've seen it in person.

 

[soapbox]

One unusual piece of advice I once received and found to be a good guest move was "leave the party 30 minutes before you think you should", because that way you will think about when it is appropriate to leave, not wear out your welcome, and will have fond memories of the event -- with a touch of wishing you could have stayed longer (rather than the alternative, wishing you had left sooner!).

 

[Bertilak]

~ Don't start eating before the host has even sat down

OK Miss Manners -- tell me how to deal with a bad habit my wife has. With dinner guests she commands everyone to sit down but then doesn't sit down herself as the dinner isn't really ready -- she has about 10 minutes more of things to do. She keeps moving from the kitchen back and forth to the table. Guests start to reach for their forks then back off and look confused.

 

[Sue]

Where are you in the picture, already seated? You help her - so she can sit down too?

Pour the wine or whatever you are drinking and keep the conversation going until everything is served and you both are seated.

Sue

 

[Bertilak]

Where are you in the picture, already seated? You help her - so she can sit down too?

Pour the wine or whatever you are drinking and keep the conversation going until everything is served and you both are seated.

Sue

Elbow into my wife's catering? Ahh, to be so brave, or foolish! Wine already poured. Plates already full as it is generally a buffet type of situation. Conversation going but people are hungry and confused!

 

[SpyvSpy]

From how I was raised

1. WAIT for everyone to be seated before eating (in case grace is said or whatever)

2. Offer to clean up the host/hostess plate.

3. As said before know when to leave

4. And of course if you can't say it nicely don't say it. (preferably while chatting or at the dining room table)

 

[WhosYerBob]

• Wait for the hostess to start eating before beginning to eat; the same holds true for dessert as well.

• Don't criticize the meal before it is even served.

• Don't eat like it's the last meal on earth.

• If in tight confines with other guests around the dinner table, don't purposefully knock their arms off the table as a show of protecting territory.