Wow a lot going on here.It's mostly true too. As well as I remember. But the half Scotch bit I stole 40+ years ago from Robt. A. Heinlein.
Lol, who knows who he stole it from! Maybe Milton Berle?
Her are my thoughts.
Are the rules in the thumb different than the rest of the country?
Yes, Famer Tans description of a cold damp overcast day in the woods and wanting to leave soon after sounds like the Midwest and it is.
Farmer tan I think its ok to steal jokes from others. Comedians do it all the time. I am surprised you remembered who you took the joke from. If a comedian busts you for stealing their joke you need to pay up.
When we lived in Tennessee for a time, we had a lady take a cheeseburger with a bite out of it. She cut the bitten part off.
If you want gross you need to eat lunch with middle schoolers at the school cafeteria. My son would describe boys stuffing a whole sandwich in their mouth at one time. My daughter had some stories as well, but they escape me now.
So I can understand why some would object to Farmer Tans pizza shenanigans it is not even close to what a middle schooler is capable of.