gun safe dilemma: what do I do?

[gaseousclay]

I finally found an affordable, fire-proof gunsafe that i'd like to eventually buy to house my future gun collection. however, my wife insists that I keep any and all guns at her mom's house at the farm which is 45 minutes away. I mentioned the safe to her and she wouldn't hear me out. the only way I get to keep a firearm in the house is if I got a gunsafe BUT kept the safe in our garage . not only is the garage a serious liability but it's freezing in the winter and brutally hot in the summer -- I doubt the extreme temperatures can be good for any gun, especially a rifle with a wood stock. so, what options do I have? just bringing up the subject makes her pretty pissy about the whole thing and I have to hear some long, drawn out diatribe about how guns are dangerous, we're gonna start a family soon so no guns in the house, blah blah blah. I told her that guns don't kill people, people kill people and that I would be the safest person out there. what recourse do I have? the garage idea just isn't gonna work, unless of course there's some ultra fancy gunsafe out there that's climate controlled.

 

[DavyRay]

Just wait. You will win. My spouse was adamant that our children would not have toy guns to play with.

My son was still in a high chair when he chewed a piece of toast into the shape of a gun. He pointed it at something in the kitchen and said "bang". My wife said "I give up.".

It's that Y chromosome.

 

[jmcrawf1]

I'm biased because I'm a "gun guy". I have a room dedicated to my gun hobby. It includes a gun safe, ammo cabinet with 10K assorted rounds, and a reloading bench.

That said, aside from beating your chest and giving her the ole my way or the highway (yea like that works ) I don' tknow what to say.

Horrible as it sounds, it usually takes something happening to someone where they need a gun and feel helpless, to make them see the need for one.

If you can get the safe in the house, then time is your friend. You can gradually make her more comfortable around them.

 

[gaseousclay]

Her bias is based on ignorance. Educate her by getting her some professional instruction. I've yet to meet a well-informed 'anti'. Go take a course at Front sight or Thunder Ranch together. You'll have fun and you'll be amazed at how much you learn. And you'll both be safer.

i've asked her to go trap shooting with me but she has no interest in it. rather than indulge me she manages to insult me by shooting me down (no pun intended) every time I ask. she complains about how we don't do things together but when I suggest something she shows no interest. I agree that she's being ignorant about the whole thing but I don't know what I can do to get her interested in guns

 

[jmcrawf1]

i've asked her to go trap shooting with me but she has no interest in it. rather than indulge me she manages to insult me by shooting me down (no pun intended) every time I ask. she complains about how we don't do things together but when I suggest something she shows no interest. I agree that she's being ignorant about the whole thing but I don't know what I can do to get her interested in guns

Sounds like you might need to pull a little rank. There can't be any her way or no way.

 

[The Nid Hog]

I think it's important to have a safe and secure place to store weapons, but I wouldn't buy a safe to house a future collection. Isn't there a more economical way of locking up a rifle or shotgun? I have a trigger lock on my pistol, but I understand that they don't work for all actions. We never kept rifles locked up in my home when I was a kid, so I don't have any positive suggestions here, other than a vague intuition that there's got to be a better way to start out.

On the other hand, the whole guns don't kill people, people kill people argument is not a good one to make. I don't know anybody who killed themselves with a dolly or a toy train, but I know plenty of people who killed themselves, their relatives and their friends with guns. Turns out that they work really well for that. Instead of taking totally the opposite position, take a more reasonable one. If you argue in absolutes, the garage or grandmas house aren't any safer. Kids can go over there and shoot themselves too. Come up with a good plan for home security. I don't think it needs to be as expensive or intrusive as a safe, unless the wife is already into having firearms in the house. It just needs to be reliable.

On the other, other hand, it's going to be a hard argument to win. It's tough to be in a relationship with someone who is strongly opposed to something that really interests you. I wish that I had some good advice for that, but I don't. Over the years, I've come to realized that we really notice it when people change their position on something, but the truth is that I don't think that most people ever do. It's too bad you didn't sort this stuff out when you were dating. The stakes are much lower then.

 

[dpmtherrien]

As a retired police officer I know for sure that you can do serious harm and kill someone with almost anything, so what's the big fuss over a gun. A gun is only a tool, and should be kept ready to use if needed. You wouldn't have a hammer in the house where the handle was on one place, and the head in the basement or locked in a safe would you. The hammer wouldn't be ready if needed. Same thing with a gun, if someone broke into your house, and was armed and dangerous, who was for sure going to do you harm, what would you do? Ask him to wait while you went and got your gun from a locked safe in the basement, and then went upstairs to get the bullets from the attic? A person has the right to protect their home and family. The highest court of the land has affirmed this. Waiting to take action after something happens is way to late. There are some very sick and dangerous people out and about in every single part of this country. A gun safe is good for storing your extra guns, but have one ready to go, just in case.

 

[PaulX608]

I doubt that I would want to start a family who seeks to perpetuate such baseless fear and ignorance. I grew up in a house full of firearms, as have all four of my kids. I treat them (the firearms) as any other potentially harmful tools in the house. Everybody I know has a big block full of knives in their kitchen that are more accessible and easier to use than any firearm. They don't seem to think they should be locked away to be safe. The difference is that the kids grow up seeing the knives in action. When a child sees you cutting something in half with the knife, they learn very quickly what it does and what it could do to them. And we tell them 'Don't touch the knife, it will cut you. When you're older, we will teach you to use it safely.' I've always treated all my tools the same way. My kids grow up knowing what the knife is and what it does and they never cut themselves. They learned the same lesson the same way about the stove, hammers, screwdrivers, saws, firearms, drills, etc. Some people, as well as the media, treat firearms as if they're some mystical device filled with wonder. I never allow that attitude to evolve. I carry every day, sometimes open, sometimes concealed. I'm wearing my .38 snub sitting here at the computer. It's a normal tool they see every day. When they turn 10, I teach them to shoot. Usually with a .22 rifle. I'm not a fan of toy guns at all, they bring about unfavorable handling habits. Air guns are OK in my book, but only after training with something that generates a bit more respect.

Anyway, my initial statement was a bit tongue-in-cheek. I'm sure you wouldn't dump her for this issue. But I, myself, would have a serious issue with continuing a relationship with someone that opposed to my own beliefs.

 

[The Nid Hog]

As a retired police officer I know for sure that you can do serious harm and kill someone with almost anything, so what's the big fuss over a gun. A gun is only a tool, and should be kept ready to use if needed. You wouldn't have a hammer in the house where the handle was on one place, and the head in the basement or locked in a safe would you. The hammer wouldn't be ready if needed. Same thing with a gun, if someone broke into your house, and was armed and dangerous, who was for sure going to do you harm, what would you do? Ask him to wait while you went and got your gun from a locked safe in the basement, and then went upstairs to get the bullets from the attic? A person has the right to protect their home and family. The highest court of the land has affirmed this. Waiting to take action after something happens is way to late. There are some very sick and dangerous people out and about in every single part of this country. A gun safe is good for storing your extra guns, but have one ready to go, just in case.

All good points. I'm a gun owner myself and, for the most part, I agree with you. However, none of my carpenter friends have ever been killed by an AD from their nail gun. I don't know any engineers whose girlfriends got mad at them and beat them to death with their calculator or a PS3. However, I have a policeman buddy whose girlfriend shot him in the head with his service sidearm and another friend whose wife shot her parents then killed herself with his shotgun. I've seen Marines who stabbed themselves while fooling around with their knives and Marines who shot their buddies while fooling around with their weapons. The difference in damage was significant. The other day at work I dropped a book on my foot and, apart from a bruise, there wasn't much damage at all. Maybe my anecdotal evidence just happens to skew in one direction. It doesn't mean you should keep your weapons locked up in a box inside a safe inside somebody else's house. But it means that you should take their ability to do terrible damage very seriously. Otherwise, soldiers would go into combat armed with pugil sticks.

The reason I make this point is that the OP isn't married to the Supreme Court. He's married to a woman who is opposed to having firearms in the home. Extreme arguments and rigid statements of personal conviction aren't going to change anything.

 

[gaseousclay]

On the other hand, the whole guns don't kill people, people kill people argument is not a good one to make. I don't know anybody who killed themselves with a dolly or a toy train, but I know plenty of people who killed themselves, their relatives and their friends with guns. Turns out that they work really well for that. Instead of taking totally the opposite position, take a more reasonable one. If you argue in absolutes, the garage or grandmas house aren't any safer. Kids can go over there and shoot themselves too. Come up with a good plan for home security. I don't think it needs to be as expensive or intrusive as a safe, unless the wife is already into having firearms in the house. It just needs to be reliable.

I was using the 'guns don't kill people' bit as an example of how people are ultimately responsible for their actions. so whether it's a gun, a knife or a baseball bat, it doesn't really matter. I don't know if my wife is just afraid of guns or afraid of me owning a gun. believe me when I say that I take gun safety very seriously and that I wouldn't do anything to put my wife in harm's way, let alone make her feel unsafe with a gun in the house. I guess i'd like for her to at least engage in a civil conversation rather than shut me down every time I bring it up. I love my wife but she can be unbelievably stubborn

 

[The Nid Hog]

I was using the 'guns don't kill people' bit as an example of how people are ultimately responsible for their actions. so whether it's a gun, a knife or a baseball bat, it doesn't really matter. I don't know if my wife is just afraid of guns or afraid of me owning a gun. believe me when I say that I take gun safety very seriously and that I wouldn't do anything to put my wife in harm's way, let alone make her feel unsafe with a gun in the house. I guess i'd like for her to at least engage in a civil conversation rather than shut me down every time I bring it up. I love my wife but she can be unbelievably stubborn

I get your point, but I think that it's worth acknowledging that there is something significantly different about a firearm, a knife or a baseball bat. I don't understand why people insist on making this analogy. If your future son thinks about picking up a bat and taking a swing with it, unless little Jimmy is standing next to him, nothing bad will happen. If he decided to brain grandma with hit, he'll have to cross the room with it in his hand before he can do it, and grandma might have something to say about it when he gets there. With a firearm, it just takes a couple of pounds of pressure on the trigger and it's pretty hard to dodge an incoming round. You're really talking about an order of magnitude of difference and it doesn't help your argument to minimize that. That's my feeling about it anyway.

 

[gaseousclay]

I get your point, but I think that it's worth acknowledging that there is something significantly different about a firearm, a knife or a baseball bat. I don't understand why people insist on making this analogy. If your future son thinks about picking up a bat and taking a swing with it, unless little Jimmy is standing next to him, nothing bad will happen. If he decided to brain grandma with hit, he'll have to cross the room with it in his hand before he can do it, and grandma might have something to say about it when he gets there. With a firearm, it just takes a couple of pounds of pressure on the trigger and it's pretty hard to dodge an incoming round. You're really talking about an order of magnitude of difference and it doesn't help your argument to minimize that. That's my feeling about it anyway.

good points. I guess I don't know how to resolve this discussion with my wife. I'm trying to be sensitive to her needs and I understand the argument she's making but having me keep a gun at her mom's isn't my idea of comprimise. am I being unreasonable?

 

[RF1963]

I was born and lived in the UK and am now living in NZ so I don't have the background of easy access to firearms, I've never lived with a constitutional right to bear arms etc.

I think this is one of those domestic things you're just going to have to accept. Your best beloved doesn't want guns in the house. Seems to me she's compromised by offering the garage. I really think you're stuck with things the way they are. She may well be unreasoning, stubborn, unthinking in her prejudice against firearms but that's the way she is.

I think you have to decide how much of a deal breaker is this. At the moment an irresistible force (you and your firearms) has met an immovable object (SWMBO and her determined NO to guns in this house). Something's got to give and I suggest it should be you

 

[mmadha]

Her bias is based on ignorance. Educate her by getting her some professional instruction. I've yet to meet a well-informed 'anti'. Go take a course at Front sight or Thunder Ranch together. You'll have fun and you'll be amazed at how much you learn. And you'll both be safer.

My grandfather was in the Navy, a US Marshall, and local sheriff for many years. He taught me the "four cardinal rules" of gun safety and I have a decent amount of experience firing guns but would never consider having one in my home or around my children. Say what you will, but I consider myself staunchly anti-gun.

All that being said, in relation to the thread may I suggest convincing your wife a trigger-lock is a less expensive, smaller, and more efficient way to give some semblance of gun safety.

 

[doublebucklemonk]

Assuming "Twin Cities" is Minneapolis / St. Paul.

Ask her if she would consider taking a firearms safety course. In addition to all the normal Firearms safety courses the MN DNR offers, they offer special "women only" courses. She would have a chance to learn and get comfortable with the firearms without any of the pressure you may be inadvertantly putting on her. Then once she has had the class, the two of you will be able to have a conversation on equal footing.

 

[Gruder]

Anyone else see a golden opportunity for the OP to score some shave gear in compromise?

 

[M80]

Cold isn't the problem, moisture is.

Easy fix.

http://www.amazon.com/Browning-Safe-Accessories-Everydry-Dehumidifier/dp/B0013RBD5K/ref=pd_sbs_sg_1

 

[The Nid Hog]

good points. I guess I don't know how to resolve this discussion with my wife. I'm trying to be sensitive to her needs and I understand the argument she's making but having me keep a gun at her mom's isn't my idea of comprimise. am I being unreasonable?

A good option might be membership in something like a rod and gun club. Although I grew up in a place where owning firearms was the norm, there were still some guys who couldn't get it past the wife. They kept their gear locked up at the local Izaak Walton or similar place. When they wanted it, they could get it. Not a bad idea. When my uncle joined the Marines, he said that they issued him with a rifle and he carried it with him to his next duty station. That's Old Corps. When I was in the Marines, apart from our initial training, we kept them in the armory. I don't remember anybody freaking out about that. Make a compromise so that you can get what you want and so can your wife.

 

[RF1963]

Anyone else see a golden opportunity for the OP to score some shave gear in compromise?

Good call!

 

[cleancut]

Get yourself a "Goldenrod" to keep in your gunsafe. A Goldenrod is an electric dehumidifying rod that is used to prevent condensation in gunsafes. It will prevent rust from forming on your guns and to some degree will keep them abouve freezing in winter. There is no substitute for proper cleaning and maintenance, so make sure that your guns are kept clean and well lubed with a high quality lubricant such as breakfree. If these suggestions don't work, divorce her!