For The Wife

[SCWilson]

Gentlemen, I am in a bit of a situation. I feel as though I have not let my wife know that I still love and appreciate her. You see, my emotional responses are very subtle, which I am working on as well. What are some things that you guys who have been married for a good while do to show your wife that you love and appreciate her? We have been married for 6 years and have 2 boys.

I write her a letter about once a month to let her know, but I want some more ideas. Sometimes I get her flowers too.

Ladies, feel free to chime in as well.

Thanks.

 

[Ironman06]

Easy man,

Hug and kiss in public. Hold hands. And of course TELL HER that you love her... frequently ... and not just after you said or did something dumb. (not that I have any experience in that.)

 

[Crazy Dave]

Easy man,

Hug and kiss in public. Hold hands. And of course TELL HER that you love her... frequently ... and not just after you said or did something dumb. (not that I have any experience in that.)

Great advice! I do this too. Tell her how beautiful she is, often! Kiss her after and watch her face light up! She will actually get more beautiful when you do! I also bring her flowers for no reason. It doesn't have to be expensive flowers, just something nice. This one scores big with the wife. It's like getting a "get out of jail free" card!

I have tried to tell this one to my fiends, none will listen to me, but their wives are jealous!

Dave

 

[Wilpar76]

Surprises work best. I usually plan a night for us whether it is out on the town or a quiet night at home. I arrange for the babysitter, select the restaurant, everything. I usually frame it like this. I tell her I see how hard she is working and thought she could use a break. Half of the time we end up staying home and have a quiet night together. That might mean watching a movie, just getting a good night sleep, or even having some husband and wife fun (trying to keep it PG mods). Whatever you do, don't assume you will be having "husband and wife fun" as it can create some tension. You want to create an expectation free environment that you wife can not only relax in but also know that your feelings and gestures toward her are genuine.

Recently, I had planned a whole night out for us. I took our daughter to my mother-in-law's house. When I sprang the plans on my wife, she said she wanted to stay home. No problem I said. We got some carryout food, watched some TV and just talked like adults (our daughter is 2, so most conversations are not like that.) We were asleep by 930. IMO, that time together said more and was more valuable then the $100 I probably would have dropped that evening. It was like we were dating again.

Besides, early morning husband and wife fun is second only to makeup after a fight fun.

Seriously though, don't think you have to go all out. Yes, trips to the spa, flowers, dinners, etc are nice and have there place. But know that you can say a lot with simple but sincere gestures. Hope this helps.

 

[paulboeck]

IMO, that time together said more and was more valuable then the $100 I probably would have dropped that evening. It was like we were dating again.

+100 on that. Time alone at home without the kids is the best. If it's easy enough to get rid of the boys (temporarily, of course ), an evening or two alone at home could be a great gift. However, if your wife is always at home with the kids all day anyway, maybe she'd rather get out. Be flexible like Wilpar76 and you'll be fine.

 

[Spivey]

I'm told (by my wife of 7 years) that a "suprise chore" is a good way to communicate love. For instance, if I were to do something that is usually considered "her job" as a suprise, she'd really feel loved.

Maybe my wife's weird, or maybe I'm a horrible husband, but that's what she says means more to her than flowers, words OR public affection.

 

[ScotchDave]

I'm not married, but when I'm with my gf (she lives in LA, I live in Britain) I try and do nice simple things. For example, she has 11 hour days in Uni on Tuesdays, so I make sure that there's food ready and waiting for her, or that we know where we're going for dinner.

 

[Brodirt]

Flowers, a tube of massage oil, some scented candles and an hour of foot and back massage works very well for me.

 

[Emmett]

The women I have dated have been less into flowers than they have just wanted me to show interest in their lives and be a good listener. I have a tendency to try to fix her problems...finally she told me I needed to listen before I tried to fix. That and simple things like pitching in regularly and small spontaneous gifts have all been helpful at getting my feelings across.

 

[isshou]

It is not so important that YOU tell her how much you love her, what is really important and she will really value is that EVERY BODY, or at least as many people as possible, know how much you lover her.

If you send her some flowers, don't do it to your home, send them to their working place.

In other words, your love for her needs us much publicity as possible to the eyes of her friends and relative, they (her friends and relatives) will be the ones who tell her how much you love her.

Remember, your wife doesn't want to live a secret affair with you, but to live, with as much publicity as possible, the love of her life.

I hope it helps, that is my experience as lawyer.

 

[40_Caliber]

Call her everyday at lunchtime no matter how busy things are just to let her know you are thinking of her. I've been doing this for 10 years and she still isn't tired of it.

.40

 

[Noebie]

i sometimes ask my wife "what can i do for you today?" or "is there anything i can do around here?" or somesuch

if there isn't anything special, i'll simply try to take up slack - make sure i'm up early to brew the coffee, or whatever

good for you that you're being attentive to showing your appreciation and love

 

[valmara1971]

Well I noticed you asked for ladies to chip in as well As my other half (or should that be better half, on a man's forum is out walking our dobe, I thought I would like to add a ladies point of view on this. It's very hard to make comment when I don't know what your relationship is like. Married six years with two boys, HUMMM and as you are asking people I guess you think that you need to do more to make her feel really loved and that you are not currently doing enough. Flowers, chocolates, meals, etc etc etc. Well they are all great aren't they, and much appreciated from time to time by us ladies, and that is from a ladies point of view of course. HOWEVER as nice as they are they are not as special as "off the cuff" things, you know those things that just happen without you really trying. Gosh having been put on the spot to form an answer it's really hard you know even for us ladies so here goes here's my take on things. A walk in the park and you see something that makes you both smile, you look up and see a shooting star, absolutely amazing that you both share that together at exactly the same time. A cold day where you both run and your breath comes out in gasps and you laugh as you watch each other. The beauty of your two children that you both share. A look between the two of you that the rest of the world could not share if they wanted to, because they would not have a clue what it truly meant. How about you take her face in your hands and you tell her that you really love her. It will mean far more than any flowers, meals, or presents ever could. Believe you me us women as hard as we may seem to you men, really know when something is said from the heart, we are good at that. My goodness did I really write that he will think I am getting soft in my old age. Seriously my Mick can melt my heart with a simple smile

 

[Newfie]

SNIP<<<<"is there anything i can do around here?" >>>>SNIP

Wifey was in an evil mood one day and I tried that. She flew into a rage saying "If you can't see what needs to be done around here without asking me ............. yadda ............. yadda ................ yadda ..................... then get out from under my feet and let me do it all .................... yadda ........." you get the idea.

In other words, choose wisely when to ask stuff like that.

Basically, in the way she enjoys being pampered best, I love doing it.

I do 90% of the cooking. She despises the kitchen and I love it. I'm home before her nearly every day so it works that she comes home to a cooked dinner most nights.

 

[Noebie]

If you can't see what needs to be done around here without asking me..."

i have experienced that as well - yes - timing is everything

and sometimes, frank conversations that go something like "no matter how much i love you i can't read your mind"

but that's another thread

:^)

 

[TinFish]

I'm told (by my wife of 7 years) that a "suprise chore" is a good way to communicate love. For instance, if I were to do something that is usually considered "her job" as a suprise, she'd really feel loved.

Maybe my wife's weird, or maybe I'm a horrible husband, but that's what she says means more to her than flowers, words OR public affection.

Dead on, here! I don't know how you and your wife share the household chores. We share them fairly equally, but the kitchen is mostly her domain. If I get home or get up before she does, and the kitchen's a mess, I'll clean it. I'll have it spotless, dishes put away, coffee made etc. before she gets there. My wife also gets annoyed if I have to ask what needs to be done. Do things like this without asking, and it shows you're paying attention. After 18 years of marriage, she still appreciates this kind of attention more than material gifts.

 

[isshou]

In other words, choose wisely when to ask stuff like that.

+1

if you take the risk of making a question of which you ignore the answer, you may end up with an answer that you may not like at all.

 

[gaseousclay]

here's a definitive list my wife wrote for me:

- card
- flowers
- backrub
- recognition
- cooking
- holding
- asking what she needs
- offering to work with her
- foot rub
- gift card
- stories
- reminding her of better times
- asking her to dance to our wedding music

 

[Spivey]

- asking her to dance to our wedding music

Oh, now that's almost sneaky. I'm going to implement this tonight!

"Come Rain or Come Shine" ~ Sarah Vaughn

 

[tlanning]

I'm blessed, I married my childhood, (literally) sweetheart.
We were inseparable thru Jr High and High School. I enlisted the week I graduated high school and we were married when I finished basic. We've been together 40 years our last anniversary. In that 40 years we were together in spirit 40 years but physically maybe 20 with 9 of those since I retired after 32 years.

We were good with letters in expressing our feelings and we literally tracked each others careers thru them. She became a Doctor and I managed to leave her a new addition each time I came home after we had been married 8 years, 4 total 2/2.

I've watched this post a while now and almost didn't respond because you used letters. They still work for us, Once a month and we read em together.

I've only told 4 women I love them in my life; Wife, Mother, Daughter, Daughter and as "sissy" as it may sound try to say it daily if possible