Floïd(Spanish) available to win!

[manitasdeplomo]

Hey guys, I have been lurking on this forum for ages and have gathered a great deal of useful information from you guys.
I have two bottles of Floïd(Vigoroso and Suave) after shave that a friend of mine brought back from Spain for me. I really don't like the stuff, I don't think it suits someone of my age so I want to get rid of them. I don't really know anyone who would want them, and even my dad doesn't like the smell of the stuff.

So here's the deal, tell me a good joke and I you could get both bottles free of charge. I don't want anything for them as I didn't pay for them either(plus the stuff is cheap as chips in Spain).

I will leave the thread open for two weeks and whoever I think tells the best joke wins the bottles.


This is my second post on the forum so I don't know if I'm allowed to do this or if I posted this in the right section, if not, let me know mods.

 

[sychodelix]

Well, I'm only going by what I heard from others, but if ground is fine, then it's all good!

I guess I'm in!



Almost bald man : Why do u always charge me double? You ought to charge me cheaper for I don't have much hair!

Barber : No, no! We don't charge for cutting the hair! we charge for having to search for it!

 

[dcobranchi]

Just because it's Spanish Floid:

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ''But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''

 

[Wcoppage]

A man staggers, drunk, down the street. He is holding his car key. He runs into a cop. Tells the cop, "Someone stole my car." Cop asks, "Where was it?" Man say, "On the other end of this key." Cop kinda has a chuckle and tries to pass the man off my saying, "Well if you want to file a report, you will need to go down to the station.......but before you go, your flies is down. You might want to zip yourself up." The man says, "****, they got my girl too."

 

[manitasdeplomo]

I definitely would, but getting alcohol based products through customs in the US would be a bad thing. Good luck to everyone else!

Will this pose a problem you think? If so, then I might need to change it so only EU "contestants" can participate.

 

[jmsodpc]

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

 

[kaiyeong]

Three convicts escape from prison. They make it to a nearby town but are confronted by a policeman. "Hey, aren't you those three escaped convicts?", asked the policeman. Thinking on his feet the first convict looked around him and said "no, I'm Mark, Mark Spencer", "The second followed his lead and said "My names is William, W H Smith". The third said "My name is Ken.....TuckyFriedChicken"

 

[dcobranchi]

It is not illegal to import aftershaves into the US, if they are made with denatured alcohol. http://www.cbp.gov/xp/cgov/travel/vacation/kbyg/prohibited_restricted.xml You're more likely to encounter a problem shipping it out by air. The flash point of most A/S is too low to allow air freight. That's why a lot of our online vendors can't ship A/S to AK or HI.

For instance, here's the warning on WCS:

SHIPPING RESTRICTIONS: This product contains alcohol, which is potentially hazardous for shipping. We can not ship it outside of the continental USA. If you are an international customer, this item will be refunded and will not be shipped. If you are a customer in the continental USA, your order will ship via ground regardless of the delivery option selected. Please select FedEx Home or FedEx Ground during checkout.

 

[bobfarvour]

A man is driving his new sports car down the highway at 100mph when he notices police lights in his rear view mirror. So he speeds up to 140mph.
Eventually the officer pulls him over.
The officer says to the man "Look, I'm off duty on my way home. I've had a long day and I just want to get home and have a beer. If you can give me an excuse for why you were driving so fast that I've never heard before, then I'll let you go with a warning."

The driver says, "My wife just left me for a police officer. I saw your lights and thought you were trying to return her."

"Slow down and have a nice day", says the officer.

 

[wagstaff]

I taught myself how to play the guitar, which was a bad decision, cause I didn't know how to play it. So I was a sh*tty teacher. I would never have went to me.

 

[life2short1971]

I definitely would, but getting alcohol based products through customs in the US would be a bad thing. Good luck to everyone else!

There is no problem with shipping alcohol into the US as long as it is not shipped via air.

 

[zumo]

Do not quite understand the logic of the law ...

I can not send to the U.S. Floid
but if I can send him to Mexico

and possibly the package travel in the same plane.

greetings.

Deshacer cambios

 

[paperplane89]

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

 

[sychodelix]

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

 

[rxonmymind]

Three samurai's were vying for the grandmaster title. So a test was devised by the grandmaster....
With the first samurai the master let a fly go from his palm and instantly the samurai sliced in half with one fluid motion of his sword. The other two samurai looked on with approval. The master nodded.
The second samurai also had the fly test. The master let it go and the samurai sliced the fly in fourths in two fluid motions. The other two samurai looked on with admiration. The master nodded.
The master released the fly in front of the third samurai and with lightning speed no eye could trace the sword flashed with the sound of air being sliced....and the fly flew away.
Both samurai looked on and the one commented "you missed?" But the samurai replied "THAT fly will never have children again".... The master smiled approvingly.

 

[mistercitizen]

An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theater.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The old man groaned but didn't budge.

The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Once again, the old man just groaned.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old disheveled man, but with no success. Finally they summoned the police.

The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy what's your name?"

"Fred," the old man moaned.

"Where ya from, Fred?" asked the police officer.

With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Fred replied,

"The balcony."

Ben

 

[mattdenicola]

A married man was spending the afternoon with his girlfriend when she asked that he shave his beard.

"I do like your beard, John, but I would really love to see your handsome face," she said.

"My wife loves this beard, honey," he replied. "I couldn't possibly shave it. She would kill me."

"Oh, please?" his girlfriend purred.

"Really, I can't," he replied. "My wife loves this beard!"

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighed and finally gave in.
That night, John crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.

His wife stirred, felt his face, and said, "Oh, Robert, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon!"

 

[Sir]

What does a nosey pepper do?
Gets jalapeño business.

Well, I tried.

 

[chung]

One day, there was this exam held in multiple choice questions (MCQ) format..

After the exam started, the invigilator noticed that one of the student quickly took out a dice and started throwing it..

15 minutes later, the student kept his dice and went to sleep..

about 1 hour into the exam, the invigilator once again noticed that this student took his dice out again.. he became curious and went over and said..

'Hey buddy, didn't you finish the exam a long time ago?'

The student replied with a smile.."Sir, don't you know it is important to double check your answers?"

 

[rm71]

Do you want to know how bad my luck is with women? Last week I went to a brothel and all the girls there had a headache!