Delicate conversations with the woman of the house

[Owen Bawn]

I'll demonstrate, and you guys can perhaps share your tiptoe through the minefield stories:

The other night we're clicking around the TV and we see Selma Hayek, so my wife asks if I think she's hot. I say I dunno, and I make a comment about how slobs like Jim Belushi and Kevin James get women like that in the movies but in real life such a thing wouldn't happen. My wife then says "Of all the actresses in Hollywood, which one do you think is hottest... you know, which one would you like to... you know..."

I ain't stupid. I say I don't think about crap like that. She continues to push. I continue to stonewall.

Finally I realize this isn't going to stop so I say, 'OK. Rachel Griffiths.'

"Rachel Griffiths," she says. "Why her?"

"I dunno," I say. "I guess it's because she looks normal, she acts normal, she's still married to her first husband, and I heard she still goes to Mass every Sunday."

My wife is frustrated because she knows deep inside that she's been bested. As she walks out to the kitchen with our ice cream bowls she shakes her head and says "I was asking who you'd like to boink, not who you'd like to marry."

I made it through that minefield. Thanks, Rachel.

 

[Doc4]

"Well then, hurry up and get yourself a Hollywood career, would ya?"

 

[Mr. Scruffy]

Mrs. Scruffy: "Do you think Selma Hayek is hot?"

Mr. Scruffy: "Not near as hot as you, dear. Oh look, that TV show starring Tom Selleck is about to start. Let's watch it!"

 

[Owen Bawn]

Another favorite comeback is to say "I feel bad enough disappointing you. Why would I want to make another woman miserable?"

 

[Ridgeback]

I would not tip toe...I would have said a 30 year old Linda Carter....But that's probably why I am Divorced

 

[RanTan the Cool]

Years ago when we’d be going out, and my wife would come down dressed and say, ‘what does this look like?’ - well, I immediately recognised that for a minefield. So I’d say, ‘well let’s be honest honey, you’re going out with me, so no-one’s going to be looking at you...’
After that, and even today, she’ll say, ‘what do you think of this - ok, I know, I’m going out with you...’ Saved me many a faux pas.

And when we’re shopping and she buys flowers, someone invariably asks if I’ve bought them for her. She tells them I never buy her flowers, but if I did she’d wonder what I’d done. But I always tell her that even if I bought her the most beautiful flowers ever, they’d be a waste of money, because in our house, where she is, no-one would notice those flowers...she just says yeah, I know...

As for other women, she knows I prefer ladies of the ‘more rounded shape’, (she’s still slim and shapely, even though she wouldn’t agree) - so she doesn’t bother asking if I like a particular women. She knows I’ll just say ‘nah - too skinny!’

 

[SharpieB]

3 things I have learned in 25 years of marriage....

1. When asked by the wife what I think about a particular item of clothing she is wearing/trying on, the only correct answer is always “it looks nice”. Even if it looks like a burlap sack.

2. ALWAYS remember to comment positively on her hair when she gets it done. Even if it looks the exact same as before or if they shaved her head by accident. Set a reminder alarm if you have to.

3. When asked if another female is bigger or better looking than her, the answer is always “of course not” even if the other woman is a supermodel or looks like she is starving to death.

Happy wife, happy life.

 

[Atlantic59]

There's no good answer that I could ever discover. "I plead the Fifth" does not work. "I don't like to dwell on fantasies, I prefer reality" was not very convincing.

 

[Tomo]

You can’t win in these situations. You can attempt to stonewall, change the subject, turn the question around, go do something else and hope she forgets or eventual accept defeat. Never under any circumstances reveal your actual answer. You may be banned from watching these movies or, if allowed, you will certainly be hassled with questions the whole way through.

 

[Wogus]

Conversations with my wife such as that (and we've had several) never constitute a "minefield".
It's one of the many reasons I'm married to her.

 

[ackvil]

Conversations with my wife such as that (and we've had several) never constitute a "minefield".
It's one of the many reasons I'm married to her.

Me too. It is so wonderful to be able to discuss anything with her.

Now my ex was another story.

 

[MntnMan62]

I'll demonstrate, and you guys can perhaps share your tiptoe through the minefield stories:

The other night we're clicking around the TV and we see Selma Hayek, so my wife asks if I think she's hot. I say I dunno, and I make a comment about how slobs like Jim Belushi and Kevin James get women like that in the movies but in real life such a thing wouldn't happen. My wife then says "Of all the actresses in Hollywood, which one do you think is hottest... you know, which one would you like to... you know..."

I ain't stupid. I say I don't think about crap like that. She continues to push. I continue to stonewall.

Finally I realize this isn't going to stop so I say, 'OK. Rachel Griffiths.'

"Rachel Griffiths," she says. "Why her?"

"I dunno," I say. "I guess it's because she looks normal, she acts normal, she's still married to her first husband, and I heard she still goes to Mass every Sunday."

My wife is frustrated because she knows deep inside that she's been bested. As she walks out to the kitchen with our ice cream bowls she shakes her head and says "I was asking who you'd like to boink, not who you'd like to marry."

I made it through that minefield. Thanks, Rachel.
View attachment 1164461

Well done! That took skill and perseverance.

 

[McBlade]

As she walks out to the kitchen with our ice cream bowls she shakes her head and says "I was asking who you'd like to boink, not who you'd like to marry."

In the kitchen, a telephone call:

"Hi Selma. Yes it's me. No sorry we're not on for that threesome we were talking about next Saturday. I don't think my husband finds you attractive. Yeah I know. It's crazy!

 

[Owen Bawn]

In the kitchen, a telephone call:

"Hi Selma. Yes it's me. No sorry we're not on for that threesome we were talking about next Saturday. I don't think my husband finds you attractive. Yeah I know. It's crazy!

Threesome? No thanks. I have no desire to feel inadequate with 2 different women at the same time.

 

[Wogus]

... Now my ex was another story.

I'll drink to that!

 

[Lightcs1776]

My wife is realistic to know there are plenty of women that look great. However, she also knows I would bypass all of them to keep her. She is a treasure, which is all that matters.

 

[pdillon]

To quote Selma Hayek from 30 Rock St. Valentine's Day Episode: "Please don't tell me you're over of those convenient Catholics who just goes to church every Sunday."

 

[oc_in_fw]

Salma is the most beautiful woman in Hollywood. My wife had a think for Tom Selleck (which is why I cannot shave my chest). We have an agreement- we don’t talk about either with each other

 

[AimlessWanderer]

I'm single. By choice. I have zero interest in getting entangled in one of those conversations

On occasions when I have been close to being ensnared by such questions, my stock answer is "Don't ask questions that you don't want an honest answer to". If they insist they do want the answer, they'll get it, but I don't accept any repercussions if they're not happy with it.

 

[Bakker1964]

My wife knows full well of my adoration of Ms Hayek. She also knows that there is truly no other woman for me than she.