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Dealing with roommates

Your responses have been helpful.

To clarify, I'm not financially supporting them. I forgot to mention that the internship dude actually works as a server at a nearby restaurant. He pays his own way, and the other two have their parents send me checks for their portions of rent and utilities. Both of the other two come from very well-off families, and are nowhere near financially independent from their folks. While I'm not having to cover anyone else's *** for rent, they can't relate to my mindset of having to work for everything I have, and that likely contributes to their apathy towards my stuff.

I'm looking at studio/1BR options in the area, and while I'll definitely be paying more rent, I think it may be worth the peace of mind. Before I drop that bomb on them though, I'll mention the idea of a maid service for common areas only. In a sense that would be throwing in the towel and enabling their laziness, but there would at least be a "baseline" as someone said above. And yeah, split between the 4 of us, that's like $35-40/mo.

I'm sure we'll all have a house chat again, in light of this flare-up. The thing is, not one week prior to this, we all had a house chat and talked about all this, but nothing changed. These "strongly-worded letters" are because nothing else seems to work.

Honestly though, I go to bed earlier the rest of the guys, and am usually up and out to work before they're awake in the mornings. When I get home, if they're home too, they often have friends over. Not wanting to cause a scene or humiliate them in front of people (further making me look like the bad guy), I communicate via alternative means. On the flip-side, I'm totally responsive to their requests and change my ways the first time they ask.

gaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh:angry::glare::sneaky2:

Anyway, I'll keep you all posted as to what happens. Probably some of you saw my previous Barber Shop post entitled 'smoking girlfriend', and it's just so helpful to see the spectrum of responses, some of which I'd never considered. For the record, we're still together and she seems to be making progress. As with this, time will tell, my mileage may vary :biggrin1:, etc.

Thanks.

_B
 
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Luc

"To Wiki or Not To Wiki, That's The Question".
Staff member
My personal feeling, I've been there, get out and don't look back. Just say that you are getting milk and that's it.

Well, maybe not like this but I wouldn't stay. Good to see that you are making progress with your girlfriend. I would prefer a place where I'm by myself instead of having a bunch of dudes.

Good luck & keep us posted
 
...go get an apartment by yourself. It sounds like this issue has been festering. You're not going to be friends much longer if you guys keep this up.

I've lived by myself for the past 3 years, and it's the best housing decision I've ever made. I don't think I'll ever have another roommate. Although it's nice to have someone to split the bills with, I know that all the messes are mine to take care of. I guess this goes along with the adage "the only person you can truly trust is yourself."

There's also never any question about what money given to a roommate is to be used for. I had a roommate about 4 years ago who would buy weed with the rent/bills check I gave him, then wonder why we got a notice for the utilities being past due and in danger of being shut off. He has since gotten more responsible with his money (as have I), but it doesn't make me want to live with him again.
 
My suggestion;
Stop writing e-mails to guys you see frequently face to face and find another place to live.
This isn't going to end well for at least some.

agreed. you should cut your losses now while you can - your situation sounds like it will continue to degenerate until one of you goes TNT on someone.

I had a similar scenario with an ex-roommate. I was a full-time student then and worked roughly 32 hrs per week to make ends meet, so our schedules were different. my roommate and I got along fine but there were times when I felt like he needed a good ***-kicking just to clean around the apartment. his idea of cleaning meant his bedroom only and didn't include the bathroom, living room or kitchen. he would often leave a pile of dirty dishes in the sink that eventually stunk up our apartment. one day I came home from class and as a joke he tells me to open the freezer. to my disgust I found a dead mouse frozen in a jar. apparently he had killed the mouse with boiling water first before putting it in the freezer for me to find. another time I came home from class and caught the guy choking his chicken to a porno in our living room. there he was, his nasty butt-cheeks on MY couch, using my vcr and tv to watch his porn and a box of kleenex right next to him. that was the final straw for me. I ended up moving into a different apartment in the same building. I also had my $1000 Cannondale mountain bike stolen before I left for my study-abroad term and I know it was my ex-roommate that did it. his storage locker was across from mine and the only thing that was taken was the bike. I know he had a bolt-cutter and he definitely had motive as he was an avid mountain biker.

but I digress. all I can say is, get out now while you still can. roommates like yours clearly have no class or sense of etiquette when it comes to sharing a dwelling with others. I know moving may not be an option for you now but I think you'll be better off in the long run by isolating yourself from roommates who clearly have complete disregard for their surroundings.
 
This assumes, of course, that everyone in this house is paying their way already.

This will probably help explain why I'm not just packing up and running. I pay the least rent. It's a sweet deal and a nice house. It's the whole 'putting a price tag on my sanity' thing that's tricky
 
Unfortunately you are dealing with two adult children whose parents are enabling their behavior. The 2008 grad is probably too far gone to change though the newer grad might providing immediate intervention by life events. I don't think the current relationships are healthy physically and mentally.

My hunch is the intern will probably leave the "family" unit once his degree requirements are met anyway. I also have a hunch that you intuitively know what to do, you are just looking for some support to override what may be perceived as inertia (perhaps from guilt?). The support is there.

Trust me, trading your personal happiness and integrity for a few dollars is never worth it. Just see this as an opportunity to experience a different part of life. Walk out the door and seek a new experience.

If all you ever do is all you've ever done, then all you'll ever get is all you ever got.
 

Slash McCoy

I freehand dog rockets
The way that seems to work the best is to let one roomy clean the whole house for a week. He or she can then ***** and whine at everyone else and nag them into picking up after themselves. Everybody at the end of the week votes on how well that one kept the place clean, and votes (by secret ballot) a fine for poor performance, which is averaged out, collected immediately, and used to purchase beer. Then it is the next person's turn for a week.

The person cooking should always wash all the pots and pans, regardless of who does the cleaning and the rest of the dishes. The person cooking then has an incentive to not dirty up every single mixing bowl and pot spoon in the house.

Clothing left on the floor should be immediately thrown away by the cleaner. Don't want to get rid of it, don't leave it on the deck. No exceptions whatsoever for any reason.

The dish washer clears the table immediately after the meal, and washes immediately. No "soaking". The dirty dishes just ferment and grow wierd stuff on them. Better to just wash them right away, so the sink is clear for other uses.

Food should ONLY be consumed at the table. Eating on the couch while watching the tube or at a desk while at the puter are tempting, but crumbs and residue are nasty and feed the cucarachas and mice.
 
My suggestion;
Stop writing e-mails to guys you see frequently face to face and find another place to live.
This isn't going to end well for at least some.

+1. You can save a whole lot of hassle in the kitchen if people will just take a few minutes to wipe up spills and drips when they occur. Even cleaning the sink and mopping is no trouble if done while stains are fresh.

You can also remind your roommates that if it looks gross, it smells twice as gross to outsiders. If they won't agree to a formal conference around the table to straighten this out, I'd look for more mature roommates.

Anyway, good luck my friend.
 
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One more thing, to get the most value out of a maid service the house should be reasonably clean. You can't expect much from the maid if the place is gross. Now, if you have a true private maid, they can deal with gross because you are paying them the big bucks (even so the place would be even cleaner if the private maid does not have to deal with gross).

I would not expect miracles from a maid service in the present condition as you describe it.

Hang in there (mentally) whatever you decide to do, this too shall pass!
 
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My suggestion;
Stop writing e-mails to guys you see frequently face to face and find another place to live.
This isn't going to end well for at least some.

The above sums it up. I've been on my own since age 18. Had one roommate for the first 6 months and that was the end of that. (and he was my best friend). Lived with a Delta flight attendant for about 3 yrs. prior to meeting my wife. She was out of town half the time which actually worked out pretty good. She was hot but ultimately we weren't compatible. Mostly lived alone throughout my twenties. Get your own place, man, and gain full control over your life.:thumbup1:
 
I think a webcam was setup at your place.

Here is the documentary film showing a typical roomate situation when 3 or more guys share a place:

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_PAHbqq-o4&feature=related[/YOUTUBE]

:lol:
 
I don't think that I could ever deal with roommates for pretty much all of the reasons here.

This reminded me of something I read a while ago, under the title "Worst Room Mate Ever" It's an epic story of filth, disgust and complete and utter lack of sanity, it's also quite funny in parts. It's got NSFW language and themes, but no pictures or anything. Here's a copy of the original story http://community.livejournal.com/housematehorror/1451.html
I'm not sure how true it is, but it will make pretty much any crappy roommate scenario look like a weekend at the Ritz with your best mates.
 
I say just roll it off your shoulder. I had a similar situation, lived in a 4 BR house with 3 other dudes. We had the same problems you're having. You run into little arguments, which is bound to happen. We even came down to fist fights some times. You think you are unhappy, but when you're 30 and looking back, it doesnt seem that bad and you miss "the good old days". Loosen up, a couple dirty dishes and lack of commitment to cleaning shouldnt ruin any friendships.
 
You run into little arguments, which is bound to happen. We even came down to fist fights some times.

Fist fights? "Little" arguments? Are we talking about well educated adults here? Please reread my previous comments about dis-functional family units.
 
That is exactly the reason why I never cared to have roommates. However, I did live with 2 others (1 girl, 1 guy) for a short 7 month period during grad school (eons ago)...everything was great, because I put my "foot down" in terms of the cooking, cleaning and basic rules...everyone has to benefit and suffer equally. It worked well (and we are very good friends to this day), but I got out anyways, because I liked my privacy and it is a constant struggle to keep up with roommates.

if you are going to live with one (or some), make sure they are of the same mind set as you...Otherwise, it could be a disaster in the making!! A lazy and a Type-A won't mix for obvious reasons, etc, etc, etc...

Get out while you can and find someone that sees things the way you do...well, at least as far as cleaning etc goes.

Cheers,
Robert
 
Fist fights? "Little" arguments? Are we talking about well educated adults here? Please reread my previous comments about dis-functional family units.

We were all in college. Hardly adults at that point. At that age, the primary focus should be having fun.
 
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