Cyber-bullying

[icedoverfire]

Hi everyone,

I'm interested to hear from you (especially those who have children) about this:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/05/us/05bully.html?src=me&ref=general

Thoughts of mine from earlier today:

One way to solve this problem: Make the minimum age to sign up for social networking sites age 18. Current COPPA regulations make the minimum age 13. Of course, kids could lie about their age...
Or, make it that if someone is age 13, their parents must provide some kind of verification to allow them to create an account...
Or, if the child is age 13, give parents moderator powers over their profiles - anything they say must be approved by their parent in order to be posted. If news sites can moderate comments, why can't parents be allowed to moderate their child's social networking profile?

I know my last suggestion advocates for "invasion of privacy" but what would you do? I feel like we've taken the appropriate steps in teaching kids what to do and what not to do online, but what else do we need to do?

- ice

 

[azmark]

Just my humble opinion; a 13 year old has no need to social network outside of school. fb was much better when I remember it at its beginning.

Even me at 30 I can care less about fb, twitt, and some others. There are pros and cons but for me the cons out weigh the pros.

Just my .02

 

[mretzloff]

The problem is not with the children, but with the parents. They are not watching their children and completely unaware of what they do. Those cyber bullies are probably little angels in their parents' presence. I think the answer is for parents to monitor their children's Internet activities like China monitors that of its citizens.

EDIT:

Just my humble opinion; a 13 year old has no need to social network outside of school.

I completely agree. Let us not forget, Facebook started as a website for college kids to connect with each other. Young children see each other enough not to need this.

 

[azmark]

I completely agree. Let us not forget, Facebook started as a website for college kids to connect with each other. Young children see each other enough not to need this.

Oh yeah I was still in Cambridge when it began. It was only open for college students. It called thefacebook or something like that then.

 

[cim_can]

Part of the problem, too, as mentioned in the article, is that phones today are more or less computers. When I was younger, we had one computer in the house, and it was stationed in the family room. Personal computers in rooms, plus cellphones that text and access the internet, means that parents are less likely to know what teens are up to online. I liked the idea of tracking software, but telling your kids that you have access to it, as a potential way to keep them in line. Thankfully, I'm years away from kids, since the whole idea of cyber-bullying makes me scared to be a parent trying to deal with the problem.

 

[pyrrhusmj]

It is all about the parents. Parents need to take an active interest in their kids lives and be as aware as possible. Of course kids lie and go behind their parents backs so you can't totally protect them, but you need to make sure they know you will do your best and they can come to you with problems. Online bullying to me is no different then face to face bullying and the parents have to be made aware somehow. At least online the parents might be able to see what is going on easier then possibly a playground bully.

Michael

Hi everyone,

I'm interested to hear from you (especially those who have children) about this:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/05/us/05bully.html?src=me&ref=general

Thoughts of mine from earlier today:

One way to solve this problem: Make the minimum age to sign up for social networking sites age 18. Current COPPA regulations make the minimum age 13. Of course, kids could lie about their age...
Or, make it that if someone is age 13, their parents must provide some kind of verification to allow them to create an account...
Or, if the child is age 13, give parents moderator powers over their profiles - anything they say must be approved by their parent in order to be posted. If news sites can moderate comments, why can't parents be allowed to moderate their child's social networking profile?

I know my last suggestion advocates for "invasion of privacy" but what would you do? I feel like we've taken the appropriate steps in teaching kids what to do and what not to do online, but what else do we need to do?

- ice

 

[BladeDE40]

The problem with social networks is that it really doesn't teach kids how to be social, interact with others or how to deal with problems, it allows kids to hide behind the vail of the internet. Kids need to go back to the original social network...get outside...grab a ball, a bike, or a skateboard and go play with some other kids.

 

[azmark]

The problem with social networks is that it really doesn't teach kids how to be social, interact with others or how to deal with problems, it allows kids to hide behind the vail of the internet. Kids need to go back to the original social network...get outside...grab a ball, a bike, or a skateboard and go play with some other kids.

Funny but I agree. There wasn't a time where I didn't have some funky tan line, scratches and bruising from being outside all day.

 

[npsarros]

This is a great article. Kids should not have a free reign on their internet access. No PCs in the bedroom and no Internet enabled phones for young kids.

This case of cyberbullying is really scary, but I thought that you had to be 18 to be on facebook....

I guess parents must be on the lookout constantly.

 

[_JP_]

I agree with others here. Keep your kid off of the computer and don't give them a phone with Internet and texting enabled. The kid only really "needs" a phone that is just a phone.

 

[pyrrhusmj]

The problem with social networks is that it really doesn't teach kids how to be social, interact with others or how to deal with problems, it allows kids to hide behind the vail of the internet. Kids need to go back to the original social network...get outside...grab a ball, a bike, or a skateboard and go play with some other kids.

Except that in modern society, virtual offices and online college..... The idea of interacting socially is changing slowly. I don't understand it but the kids seem to.

Michael

 

[pyrrhusmj]

I agree with others here. Keep your kid off of the computer and don't give them a phone with Internet and texting enabled. The kid only really "needs" a phone that is just a phone.

JP.... If you don't let your kids on the computer, how will they learn about the birds and the bees? Parents don't have the nudie magazine and foot movies hidden in the closet anymore

 

[bob.e]

My neice is the only person in her house that knows anything about computers her parents are useless on computers

 

[Fletch]

Personally, 2 of the most common or popular things currently that I loathe are: "reality" TV and social networks. I believe if both things were to die a swift death the world would become a better place.

I'm in completely agree that the age for FB should become a minimum of 18 and there should be a way to enforce it. Or I would love it became a paid site and required a credit card to open with a monthly charge. Chances are most parents ( I would hope) would drop that off a kids radar. I believe kids today are trending towards a way where they might not know how to act in an actual social setting. There was and article from CNN here that an average teen sends over 3k texts A MONTH . REALLY!! First off they spend, what, 7 hours a day in a school with their friends/peers. Can't you get out most of what you have to say during that time like everyone else before them did. If not go to their house, or as a last resort have an actual conversation on the phone.

Since that will likely never happen what I think should be implemented is a law against slandering, bullying, etc over a social network. Which is harshly punishable regardless of age, and it should also affect the parents of minors (something like a 5-10K fine for parents would do I think). There have been cases of kids committing suicide over things kids have said about them on a social network. People ask me if I have a FB account and when I tell them "no'' they often try and tell me how great it is to meet up with "old friends". I tell them "look if I haven't spoken to you since high school or the last 5-10 years, I probably don't need to start now. If they were a friend they would have stayed in touch over the years through some form of communication like people did before the internet".

And yes, I also believe that there are WAY too many parents today that are so disconnected from their kids that it's sad. Granted when I was a kid there was stuff I did that my parents didn't know about but I was also held accountable for a lot of what I did. When I was a kid and said "my teacher hates me" my parents basically shrugged it off as to something all kids say. Now parents will come after the school and want to know why the teacher hates their kid because their kids are perfect and can do no wrong.

Somewhere, somehow, something went grossly wrong with society and it's not getting any better.

 

[Arctic]

I don't think the internet is really the issue here. Kids and teenagers will bully each other until the end of time. They'll do it through the internet, through gossip circles, through rumor spreading and text messages and right to each others faces. I don't think it's possible, or even advisable, for legislation to change that. If you know who's bullying your kid, talk to their parents, or to the website administration if it's online, or to the police if it's that serious. Also, where do you draw the line? What constitutes a "social network"? Facebook, chat, forums like this, a list of contacts on instant messenger, the numbers in your cell phone... Where does it stop? Age 18, age 21, why not age 25 this year and pretty soon age 57? Invasion of privacy is nothing to take lightly. Many of our members here are under 18. Could you imagine what a PITA it would be if their parents had to approve everything they wanted to post? We would miss out on a wealth of shaving information. I think the real message here is that life is still rough for teenagers. Kids still act like bastards. This is another situation where the solution is better parenting. I've always said, "There are basically two kinds of people: those who try to make their own life better, and those who try to make everyone else's life worse." teach your kids not to be bullies in the first place. Teach them that you will help them if they need it, and if it makes you feel better, keep an eye on them, but don't send Big Brother over here to spy on mine. Finally, bullying in its many forms is nothing new. Ask your son or daughter if there's anything they'd like your help with. You'll probably find that there's a hundred things they'd rather have you focus on than their personal interminglings with their peers.

 

[BladeDE40]

Personally, 2 of the most common or popular things currently that I loathe are: "reality" TV and social networks. I believe if both things were to die a swift death the world would become a better place.

I'm in completely agree that the age for FB should become a minimum of 18 and there should be a way to enforce it. Or I would love it became a paid site and required a credit card to open with a monthly charge. Chances are most parents ( I would hope) would drop that off a kids radar. I believe kids today are trending towards a way where they might not know how to act in an actual social setting. There was and article from CNN here that an average teen sends over 3k texts A MONTH . REALLY!! First off they spend, what, 7 hours a day in a school with their friends/peers. Can't you get out most of what you have to say during that time like everyone else before them did. If not go to their house, or as a last resort have an actual conversation on the phone.

Since that will likely never happen what I think should be implemented is a law against slandering, bullying, etc over a social network. Which is harshly punishable regardless of age, and it should also affect the parents of minors (something like a 5-10K fine for parents would do I think). There have been cases of kids committing suicide over things kids have said about them on a social network. People ask me if I have a FB account and when I tell them "no'' they often try and tell me how great it is to meet up with "old friends". I tell them "look if I haven't spoken to you since high school or the last 5-10 years, I probably don't need to start now. If they were a friend they would have stayed in touch over the years through some form of communication like people did before the internet".

And yes, I also believe that there are WAY too many parents today that are so disconnected from their kids that it's sad. Granted when I was a kid there was stuff I did that my parents didn't know about but I was also held accountable for a lot of what I did. When I was a kid and said "my teacher hates me" my parents basically shrugged it off as to something all kids say. Now parents will come after the school and want to know why the teacher hates their kid because their kids are perfect and can do no wrong.

Somewhere, somehow, something went grossly wrong with society and it's not getting any better.

Facebook is great and does serve a purpose...it allows people to keep up with family and friends quickly and easily. Businesses are increasingly using social networks like FB and Twitter for marketing purposes. Whether we like it or not social networking will become an ever increasing part of society, but I do agree that there needs to be some monitoring/ rules when it comes to kids, and I do think that needs need to spend more time away from the computer. The texting thing doesn't concern me a much, I can easily see how kids can run up 3000 texts per month...I've seen kids I know having texting conversations with 5 or more people at one time. When I was in high school it was pagers and pager code...Now reality TV....great stuff! Nothing shows the disfunctionality of society better tha

n reality tv and I love watching it!

 

[ImaWestie]

My son (6) and daughter (8) are both required to have school email accounts. Reasonably enough, I've connected my daughters PC through opendns to allow access to her school email.

I understand that cyberbullying goes on via the school email system.

If your kid has a Nintendo DS they can IM within about 80 metres (on a good day with a tailwind so to speak). Put enough of their mates in a grid and they can IM over a mesh.

Cyber-bullying, is just nasty kids being nasty kids and is the C21 version of what happened at school back in the 70's - and before, and since.

In fact, at least with cyber-bullying, there is forensic evidence of the wrong-doing.

 

[ImaWestie]

The problem with social networks is that it really doesn't teach kids how to be social, interact with others or how to deal with problems, it allows kids to hide behind the vail of the internet. Kids need to go back to the original social network...get outside...grab a ball, a bike, or a skateboard and go play with some other kids.

Hello?
So when you* were riding around on your bike throwing balls with your buddies - you weren't excluding the dumb/smart/black/yellow/non-suntanned/red-headed kid?

Man, you must have been Jesus come back the second time and none of us noticed. You were cyber-bullying, without the computer.

Hell, I was a d&d nerd in a football school - and there were kids we wouldn't let in the room to play d&d (they made sure I was in the dorm room furthest from the showers so it was all swings and round-abouts). In todays vocabulary, that's bullying and harassment (just because "I didn't like those kids").

*by "you" I mean, you, your mates/buddies, cousins, big brothers, and the captain of the foot-ball team.

 

[raisindot]

While all of the arguments for aggressively monitoring kids' behavior online are perfectly valid, there also needs to be greater accountability on the part of the sites themselves.

By federal law, sites and internset are not legally liable for any actions arising from the content that people put on them. Thus removes any incentive for sites to monitor and remove potential bullying activity. A person can literally post a notice on Facebook calling for someone to be killed. While the cops might find the poster, Facebook itself is not liable for allowing this kind of content to be posted.

This should change. No site is required by law to adhere to the first amendment. As a privately owned business, it has a right to include or exclude whatever content it deems appropriate or inappropriate. In certain situations (i.e., Ebay or Craiglist) 'buyer beware' should still apply, but for not transactional content that incites violence (verbal or physical) against individuals of groups, the sites should be liable for content posted by users.

Case in point: Several years ago, an associate forbade his teenage daughter from hanging around with a group of local losers. Several days later, one of them posted a Myspace page with the father's picture offering a reward for his death. The father needed to get the FBI involved to sort through the mess, and they only found out who the poster was when the daughter gave him up.

Jeff in Boston

 

[Fletch]

I agree that social networks are here to stay. However I don't necessarily believe they are a must have for kids who spend half their day in a place where they're socializing with their peers. And yes I realize that bullying has been around as long as there have been kids. However the difference between doing it online versus in person has a few differences. One I believe is that people will often type things over the computer that they probably wouldn't necessarily say to someone in person. Someone can always type something and then defend themselves with the line "I was only joking" or something along those lines, if the crap hit the fan. And therefore use it as a defense. Something written can take on A LOT of different meanings versus saying it more often than not. You can tell someone in person that you know well "you're such as ***hole, or even "I'm going to kill you" in a manner that they know is you joking or blowing off steam with them. Humans are well wired to read facial patterns, gestures, and a persons tone to generally know what kind of context to take something. A written word can come across very different.

Another thing is bullying face to face tends to be a more isolated incident most often with a certain (generally) small group of kids. Most of the time again in person not everyone will jump on a bandwagon to be harsh to another kid. Chances are they may see it but not say anything. Again with the internet it's much easier to type something to someone that you might not necessarily say if it were an in person thing. Sure we all excluded kids in some way or another growing up but excluding them versus constantly telling them things like "you should go kill yourself" or "go cut yourself" or whatever is a bit different than getting picked last for the kickball game or sitting with the "uncool" kids in the lunchroom.

It's like when kids see a fight on the schoolyard . Maybe initially it's a handful of kids egging them on to fight each other. Once it breaks out the whole schoolyard is looking on and chanting one thing or another. It's human nature, group mentalities are often considerably different than individual.

I also agree that parenting plays a pretty large role as well. And I also believe that a large number of parents are clueless about not only what their kids do but also how to actually raise their kids. It seems a lot of parents these days believe they all have perfect kids, and it's never their kids fault for anything. It's always anyone or anything but their kids who are at fault when something involves them.

Again I realize that there has always been a time when some kids have been singled out for one reason or another. However kids are radically different now than they were 20 or 30 years ago. Maybe there are a lot of reasons for it but kids shooting up high schools and colleges were unheard of 25 years ago. There were a lot of places where, during hunting season, kids would have their guns either in their cars or left them in the principals office so they can hit the woods after school. When I was in high school I attempted to make a pool cue in wood shop. I never finished the thing but the state that it was in when class was done was nothing short of a fantastic club. Kids can never make things like that now, hell kids can't even bring in a kitchen knife to cut their food now without the police showing up and the kid getting suspended, even if the parent packed it for them. I've rambled enough here the bottom line is maybe nothing can be done, but as much as people say "I wish I was a kid again" I honestly don't think I'd want to be one in this day and age.