Children these days

[1OldGI]

The first rule seems to be there aren't any. Kids these days are raised in a fantasy world where they can do pretty much whatever they want and there are seldom any consequences. Kind of like the real world only the exact opposite. Even worse, parents who impose consequences and make real attempts to teach their children right from wrong run the risk of run ins with the law.

My generation and every generation prior grew up with the old addage that "life is hard to begin with and even harder if you like to be stupid". Most folks 40+ grew up in an environment where every bad decision and every breech of acceptable public conduct produced results that were just not all that pleasant. Parents now a days feel it their responsibility to make sure that their kids are happy all the time, never uncomfortable and never held accountable for anything. Unfortunately that results in grown ups that are completely clueless and have no idea how to function in the real world where certain things aren't alright and discomfort and unhappiness are occassionally inevitable.

On a happier note, I'm just back from a lovely anniversary dinner with the fetching Mrs. GI. Twenty six years ago today we were married. Through thick, thin, and flush we've managed. More importantly I think I probably love her more now than I did back then. Watched the sunset on the beach while enjoying cocktails and some oysters. Then a lovely dinner and some live music, very nice indeed.

 

[Bluestaco]

I have no children so I can only estimate what life must be like for kids now where both parents work outside the home, they have so much information coming at them, and they have to deal with what I can only assume is a very complicated education.

I do see that kids now simply have rights, whereas when I was a kid we earned privileges. I think they just become very entitled very early, and their parents (AS parents) are, too.

That (and my overly curmudgeonly personality) has a lot to do with the fact that the last thing on Earth I should ever do is teach, and why I deeply respect anyone who can succeed as a teacher. Amazing people, to be sure.

 

[porman]

"The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for
authority, they show disrespect to their elders.... They no longer
rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents,
chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their
legs, and are tyrants over their teachers."

"The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have
no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all
restraint. They talk as if they alone knew everything and what passes
for wisdom with us is foolishness with them. As for girls, they are
forward, immodest and unwomanly in speech, behaviour and dress."

I believe it was either Socrates or Plato who said this.

 

[modern man]

I have to agree with pretty much everything here.

With the exception of cursing out a 10 year old, you curse at my kid you wont be able to have any of your own. Not saying the outburst is justified but still it was wrong, you should have yelled at the mother.

The mother is a dolt though, who leaves a 10 year old unattended in public.... oh yea Revé Walsh.

 

[SRock]

OK, I have a great story...well at least I think it is great.

One of my professors in graduate school was a semi-professional marathon runner and he would run a little over 100 miles per week. So he would run all over Birmingham for variety, which would on occasion take him into the snooty parts.

One day he ran past a golf course and some 12 year old boys were playing golf un-supervised. One of them yelled "Nice Shorts F_G (fill in the missing letter)" Without missing a beat, he took off running for them, and they of course took off running away from him.

As expected, most 12 year olds cant out run a marathoner so he caught up with them and threw their clubs on the ground. Just then, mom came out of the clubhouse and he gave her an earful too.

I just get this mental image of two slightly out of shape kids trying to out run a marathon runner while trying to carry their clubs...awesome.

The sad reality is that it was probably a couple of 200 pound 12 year olds on the verge of a heart attack with an ultra fit marathoner quickly catching them. Fat kids are another example of poor parenting. I'm not trying to start any wars if any of our fine members have chubby children, but weight loss (most of the time) is a discipline issue (for both adults and children). Either the child lacks the discipline to control their diet, or the parent lacked the discipline to teach them what to eat and the value of playing outside.

 

[Confuzius]

I'm going to go with it's a "parents these days" problem and not a "children these days" problem.

There's a few issues that seem to be contributing to this, the main one being that people aren't raising their own children. They send them to daycare, then feel guilty for not spending enough time with the kids and end up spoiling them to compensate and letting them have more free reign than any child should have.

My mom works in elementary school (k-6) lunch program and daycare, and has been doing so for roughly 20 years. I think that this position allows her to have even more insight to the problems because the kids, even the very poorly behaved ones, generally manage to put on a bit more of a show for actual teachers than for support staff. Plus she is in contact with the parents every day, 5 minutes a day adds up, and she says that there is a direct correlation between the problem kids and the way their parents treat the kids and the daycare staff, even in these 5 minute interactions.

I'm 26 and I've got relatively young parents, they both just turned 50 this year. Even though they were young when I was born I'd like to think that they did things right. My mom stayed home with me until pre-school age. This alone had a huge impact on me I'm sure. I wouldn't have learned to read as early as I did if I went to daycare, I doubt that my super-inquisitive nature and knowledge-hungry would have been nurtured as well if I were just one of a crowd in a daycare. If I had a question about something or the way things worked I was told, and other times brought to the library to find out more.

My dad was also very involved in my childhood and had a great sense of play and imagination that I didn't see in any of my friend's dads. (He's a special education technician, you've got to have a good sense of humour and play to keep up to and relate to those kids) Although I think that I lucked out in the fact that both of my parents work in schools and have the summer off, not everyone can spend that much time with their kids.

I was spanked once, and only once. That's all it took. The problem is to this day, I don't remember why. I haven't asked my parents lately if they remember why, but I'm sure it was because of something I did that was very stupid and dangerous to myself. For the most part, because my dad was such a cool, laid back guy all it took was for him to raise his voice for my sister and I to know that he meant business.

It is a terrifying thing when my dad raises his voice, partly because it's such a rare occurrence, partly because he summons up the monstrous bellow from the depths of hades that can peel paint of the walls and shatter windows. It's even scared my friends. He's made more than one designated driver at my parties nearly mess their pants before he found out that they weren't drinking. ("Whooose caaarrr iss thaaaaat?!!!", "ummm mine, sir", "are you drinking", "no sir", "make sure it stays that way, if I catch you drinking with a car here you don't want to know what will happen... Well nice to meet you, can I get you a soda, a coffee or anything?")

I'll end this novel of a post with my favourite line from the movie Boyz n the Hood:
Furious Styles: Any fool with a dick can make a baby, but only a real man can raise his children.

 

[Obsessed]

With the exception of cursing out a 10 year old, you curse at my kid you wont be able to have any of your own. Not saying the outburst is justified but still it was wrong, you should have yelled at the mother.

Yeah, the reality is that no matter what the little brat was doing or how much of a knuckle-dragging moron the mother was, once you curse out a ten-year old, you become the a-hole. That's just the way it goes.

Before I begin, let me say that I'm not some old guy (no offense intended) who is just complaining about kids; I'm only 18.

Kiddo, you may want to lighten up just a tad, or you could find yourself inducted into the Curmudgeon Hall of Fame by the time you're 30!

This should not be taken to mean that I'm not concerned by the state of a lot of kids and of parenting today. As a non-knuckle-dragging moron (if I may presume) trying to do my best to help raise my two girls, I worry about that stuff all the time, and agree with a lot of what was said above.

 

[SRock]

I'm going to go with it's a "parents these days" problem and not a "children these days" problem.

That's hitting the nail on the head!

 

[thirdeye]

I'm going to go with it's a "parents these days" problem and not a "children these days" problem.

+1 Bravo sir...I couldn't agree more.....People are just so quick to blame the kids. They really do need to take a look a little deeper.

 

[modern man]

+1 Bravo sir...I couldn't agree more.....People are just so quick to blame the kids. They really do need to take a look a little deeper.

I think more are likely to blame everything else but the kids and or parents.

Look at Colorado 1999, video games made them do it.

My kid killed himself because Ozzy told him to.

I could go on here. Parents need to take some blame, my kid isn't stupid he has ADHD.... give me a break. Spank him and make him do his homework.

 

[SRock]

I think more are likely to blame everything else but the kids and or parents.

Look at Colorado 1999, video games made them do it.

My kid killed himself because Ozzy told him to.

I could go on here. Parents need to take some blame, my kid isn't stupid he has ADHD.... give me a break. Spank him and make him do his homework.

You reminded me of this.

 

[htownmmm]

You reminded me of this.

yep, works every time!


Children learn respect for authority( adults,police,teachers,etc) at home first. If their household is of the permissive type, they will not learn. The hebrew word for discipline used in the Bible carries the meaning of repetition and training. We all know that children only learn from doing things over and over. Sometimes, we need to get their attention first-that's when discipline takes the form of spankings, beatings- to the degree the child deserves, not abuse. A child needs to learn that no means noand that they are not 'little adults'.

I grew up when the vice principals purpose in schools was to 'educate' those who had a propensity to act out in class-and he used the 'board' of education to do so. Once in his office for my school career was enough-and I was thankful that it ended there rather than my father being informed of the occurrence!

marty

 

[Kratos]

You were all good up until the cussing, man. It is definitely a parenting issue these days. It's getting ridiculous these days. People don't want to discipline their kids, but they get bent out of shape if anyone says anything to them. "That's MY child!" Then for the sake of Hell get up of your asz and be HIS parent.
I hate when people call the police because little Dopey won't go to school. You're his mom! Whup his asz and send him on his way! Or, for an "out-of-control" 12-year old. You gotta be kidding me. Too many people expect everyone else to raise their kids. Here in Texas, it is legal for parents and teachers to actually steer a kid in the right direction. Some kids call the police when their parents spank them, claiming to be "assaulted" with a belt, paddle, whatever. Come to find out he screamed at mom, told her F--- You, put hands on her, or just is generally acting like a cretin. I alwys tell them TOO BAD! The next time you call us out here for this I will arrest you for filing a false report. Touch your mom again and it'll be Assault-Family Violence. Then I tell mom and dad to carry on, and thank them for trying to bring a kid up right. I am thankful for each and every beating my mom sent my way. That's why I'm an upstanding citizen and not a shiftless lowlife, or self-entitled jackass.

 

[Obsessed]

I'm happy to report that a week or two ago a friend of mine was standing outside his house when some teenagers drove by and threw some empty soda cups or something onto the lawn. He chased them down, returned the trash to them, and calmly told them not to do it again. To hear him tell it, they were pretty shocked. I love that.

 

[Sue]

To be a good parent takes a lot of 'work' 24/7. There are too many parents (using the term lightly) that want to be their childs "friend". They don't command any respect, provide structure, disapline or a solid role model. The children reflect the image of their lazy parents.

That's this Grandma's opinion. YMMV
Sue

 

[Mr. Clean]

...cursing out a 10 year old, you curse at my kid you wont be able to have any of your own. Not saying the outburst is justified but still it was wrong, you should have yelled at the mother.
...

After cursing at a 10 y/o everything else becomes irrelevant. Absolutely a ridiculous action regardless of the circumstances. Yelling at a mother would not be appropriate either. Try yelling at a man and see how that works out for you.

If you had approached the parent in a calm and reasoned tone about the actions of his/her child then there would be something to discuss. As it is, there were two 10 y/o on the track that day.

 

[King of Kailua]

The mom runs up and blah blah..I should not curse at children, and blah, blah, blah.

Um, I am of the opinion that you shouldn't curse at children.

You may have been right in deciding to have a "little conversation" with the boy, but it's likely your message didn't resonate with the child and mother due to the profanity.

 

[Gilgamesh2003]

"The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for
authority, they show disrespect to their elders.... They no longer
rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents,
chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their
legs, and are tyrants over their teachers."

"The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have
no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all
restraint. They talk as if they alone knew everything and what passes
for wisdom with us is foolishness with them. As for girls, they are
forward, immodest and unwomanly in speech, behaviour and dress."

I believe it was either Socrates or Plato who said this.

+1 for this - the Greeks, Romans, practically everybody throughout history thought that the current generation of kids was misbehaving horrendously. Somewhere on my bookshelf I have a wonderful anthology of Roman writing which has a letter from some Roman noble right around 1 AD complaining that all young people want to do is drink, go to mindless gladiatorial games, and mouth off to their elders.

On the other hand, I think there is an especially pernicious entitlement mentality in America (and prob. Europe) right now, but I also agree with some of the previous posters that it's coming from the parents. I personally do not think that spanking is the solution to this problem, nor do I think that it is ethical. I was never once spanked or even yelled at, but I didn't misbehave because my parents took me seriously and discussed things with me. Instead of them using their larger size and strength to make me associate bad behavior with pain, they calmly and reasonably explained to me why I had erred and what the consequences of my error would be.

There's a child psychologist called Chaim Ginot (who my parents liked) who wrote something like "You punish a criminal, but you discipline a child." In this case he meant that you teach the child to distinguish right from wrong without causing them physical pain; when a child makes a mistake, it's an opportunity to learn, not for authority figures to inflict suffering.

All that said I was driving along the other day and turned into a side street where two 13 year old boys were skateboarding. I waited for them to finish their current run (or whatever you call it) and then slowly drove past them - they both flew into a rage and shrieked at me. I just had to shake my head and laugh - they were so affronted that some idiot MOTORIST wanted to use THEIR road!

 

[Maher]

I'm going to go with it's a "parents these days" problem and not a "children these days" problem.

[/I]

Being a parent myself, I have 4 kids two in the teens stage and two in the early tween, preteen. I believe it is a two way act, both the parents should be more active in the kids lives, even though they will be resisted in all sorts of ways, that's my life, you are old now, things do not happen the same way now etc., but with resistance and determination a parent must stay on top of their kids act. Do not give up on the kids, even though that it looks like you are going no where stay on top, do not give up. The kids on the other hand have no place to go, it is the internet and nothing else, it is dangerous to go outside, it is dangerous to be alone and so on that said, the parents have to be there again and again.

just my 2c worth

 

[porman]

I personally do not think that spanking is the solution to this problem, nor do I think that it is ethical. I was never once spanked or even yelled at, but I didn't misbehave because my parents took me seriously and discussed things with me. Instead of them using their larger size and strength to make me associate bad behavior with pain, they calmly and reasonably explained to me why I had erred and what the consequences of my error would be.

Well said! The fists start talking when the mouth stops. What makes beating an adult from beating a child so much different?

Can I claim that the assault of some guy was because he wouldn't listen to me?

Use your heads and talk with children on their level. That way they will listen to you.