'Cancer Bad; Shaving Good'

[Hannah's Dad]

Every now and then, we get hit over the head with a billy club known as 'perspective.' Perspective allows us to walk in another person's shoes, open our minds to a differing opinion or simply take a fresh look at our own attitudes. In his own gentle, honest and even humorous way, my friend Paul (@Ridpath ) has provided me with some much-appreciated perspective.

It began a couple of weeks ago when I pithily suggested to him that obtaining a Wolfman razor (one of his Grails) was as easy as getting on the Wolfman website, putting in an order and waiting several months for the mail to arrive. The private response I got from Paul (though he could have shamed me publicly) instantly changed my perspective. You see, Paul has cancer. And I have invited him to share some of his thoughts with this great B&B 'family' -- not for pity (he discourages that); not for charity (though charity abounds in this place); not for any reason other than the fact that shaving (of all things) has provided him respite from his battle and distraction from the reality of his condition. Let me be the first to say 'thank you' to Paul -- for providing me with some great perspective. My hope for this thread is three-fold: 1) to support my 'brother-from-another-mother' across the pond with words of encouragement; 2) to provide a place for Paul to share his shaving journey and 3) to help us all to appreciate - perhaps a little more - the simple pleasures which this hobby provides.

 

[Ridpath]

Thanks Dan.

Hi, I’m Paul. I have cancer. Not the friendly, “I’ll leave you alone if you ask nicely” type, more “I own your body now, good luck mate”. Sounds weird, but shaving has been an escape of sorts for me, a respite from my ongoing battle.

Spoiler: A bit of background

I’m 27 years old, currently living in southwest England. I first had an inkling something was wrong in the summer of 2017, when I had a persistent pain that, due to my age and perhaps some incompetent doctors, was misdiagnosed as sciatica for 6 months. The cancer was discovered on my 25th birthday after I paid to get surgery to correct the ‘sciatica’. By then, it had already spread to multiple locations, with two mega-tumours on the left kidney and left hip (hence the pain), and was declared incurable. Since then, it’s spread quite a bit further, with metastases in the head, liver, spine and kidneys (among others). The current prognosis is still uncertain, but it’s most likely to be counted in days and weeks than months.

The exact subtype of cancer I have is exceedingly rare, with less than 15 documented cases worldwide. As a result, even with the supposedly amazing National Health Service we have in the UK, treatment options are limited, and since the NHS refuses to pay for any treatment that’s experimental, I have to privately fund any treatment I want to undergo.

I first shaved my head when the head tumour was discovered, which had caused me to lose the use of my left eye. I underwent regular radiotherapy and stereotactic radiosurgery, and while hair loss was going to be temporary, I decided to shave it all off and keep it off.

I switched from an electric razor to a manual razor for head shaving earlier this year. Since then, I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole in fairly spectacular fashion. After learning about my situation, Dan (Hannah’s Dad) suggested that I put down some thoughts on how shaving has been a respite from my daily battle, and how it has affected my decision making and attitude toward things in general.

First and foremost, shaving has provided a strong sense of fulfilment and much needed independence. Even though I live alone, I am very physically weak and disabled, as a result of all the chemo treatments and the extent of my disease. Shaving has been one of the few acts of self care that I have been able to do without aid. It probably sounds inconsequential to most people, but believe me, as my ability to be independent slips away day by day, my daily shave is a ritual I am immensely grateful to be able to carry out.

It’s also been an incredibly important time-waster. Believe it or not, I’m not filled with an urgent need to tick every single thing off my bucket list within a week, despite what movies and books might have you believe! I’ve had a good life and I’ve been incredibly fortunate; and I don’t feel I’ve left anything unfinished. Small joys and distractions take up the majority of my day, and provide structure and mini-boosts to my mood. Shaving provides both those things. While waiting for Charon to moor his damn boat, shaving is one of the more enjoyable things I can do to pass the time.

In the same vein, I am ruthless in deciding whether to keep something, be it a razor, soap, or even anything non-shaving related. For instance, there are probably more bloody brands of razor blades than days I have left, and if I don’t get along with one particular brand, it’s an instant goodbye. I give away things I have no immediate use for on a regular basis, and it’s a good way to get my friends to join me in the rabbit hole!

Also as a result of the ‘more blades than days’ issue, I don’t usually keep more than 3 of each element of my shave kit on hand, and I gravitate toward the upmarket. I don’t have the luxury of trying a dozen different cheaper razors to find that diamond in the rough for me. Any product I don’t like gets instantly given to my friends. In my experience, a high price tag usually correlates to a higher degree of attention to detail and better materials. Since I’m a sucker for excellence and beauty in functional design, I have no problems spending money on what some consider unjustifiably expensive razors. That is why I also find this forum invaluable – the collective opinions and thoughts are invaluable for me when doing research on a potential purchase.

If you’ve made it this far, good job! I hope it has been an interesting read, and has given you a fresh perspective on shaving or matters in general. We’re all dying a bit everyday, some just happen to be dying faster than others. What you spend your time/money on and how you choose to spend it is up to you, but I feel it is important to be aware of the reasons behind your choice.

It would be great to hear about your thoughts on the points I’ve talked about above, and equally I would be more than happy to answer any questions you have on the medical bits as well.

TL;DR: Cancer bad. Shaving good.

 

[It's Hedley]

Paul, the strength in your words is an inspiration. We can all find a little reason for self pity these crazy days, but you just helped me put mine in check.

As for shaving, the OP of this thread has cost me a pretty penny or two (thanks Dan). Dan always has the newest, prettiest modern and best vintage razors (although he says his den consists of only 5 razors, HA!) for which I seek out to be just like @Hannah's Dad with his fancy shaving toys!

I have found myself coming to B&B to "get away" from the office more times than I would like to admit. I can see why you find comfort here.

Paul, your bravery has me at a loss for words. Incredible really. Keep pushing through it one day at a time and know you have many brothers & sisters from other mothers pulling for you.

Cancer bad; shaving good.

It's Hedley (aka Thomas from St. Louis, MO USA)

 

[Hannah's Dad]

 

[@ngel]

Thanks Paul for your words!

People may think that is us who have to keep people like you inspired and in good spirits to keep on the fighting...couldn't be farther from the truth!

Is people like you that make people like me look at a mirror and seek the shortcomings and sometimes even my mediocre way of seeing things in order to change and be as wise as you are today Paul.

I feel honored to meet you and I wish you the best on the rest of your journey.

Cancer bad; shaving good.

 

[njpaddy]

My mother's mom died in 1933 from stomach cancer, treated as an ulcer. My father's dad, a steamfitter, died in 1948 from colon cancer. My dad, a Seabee in the pacific during WW2 was treated for hemorrhoids and died in 1956 from colon cancer when I was 9. I've outlived them all. Life is a crapshoot, but science has come a long way since then and there's always hope.

 

[JBlaze]

Like Paul I'm a cancer survivor and I still am dealing with side effects and potentially more things down the line. Ik since a kid my perspective in life is not as happy go lucky but realistic and cold some might say. For me wet shaving is somewhat of a meditative therapy when I can just let go a bit about what's going on and even the cold reality of life and just concentrate on the simplicity of guiding a de razor down my face and sorta like a zen garden raking sand, the razer takes away the shaving lather. For myself being temporarily disabled buying a wolf man is not an easy thing nor do I feel a need. I'm at the juncture of dipping my toes into SE razors and experimenting with both de and Se comparatively. I will say this tad note I found ppl who have dealt with cancer since a young age see things differently than those who acquire it as an adult or older age but I do hope Paul I believe all the best and maybe some advice would be doctors work using protocols no matter how grim a situation might seem everybody is different and no matter how good a doctor is they can at best only generally guess on what may or not happen. I wish everybody the best and just try to remember some ppl deal with alot of dark stuff and just dont show it under their cheerful demeanor.

Sent from my SM-J737P using Tapatalk

 

[never-stop-learning]

Paul - Our prayers are with you.

My Mom, God rest her Soul, survived breast cancer in the 1960s. When she passed in the late 1990s, it was not from cancer.

Lost my Dad (God rest his Soul) in the late 1980s to colon cancer.

God Bless You and Your Family.

 

[ackvil]

Paul, I admire your strength and courage. Your post has certainly hit home.

Both my wife and I are older than you and are retired.

Fortunately, I have never had cancer. However, my wife has battled this dreaded disease a number of times. On her second bout with cancer, she was undergoing chemo treatments. She had just completed her third treatment when she wanted to visit her cousin in Seattle WA. Our drive to WA was uneventful. However, on the third day that she was there she became violently ill and ended up being hospitalized for two weeks. She had an adverse reaction to the chemo treatment she was undergoing. She had so many illnesses that came about because of her weakened immune system. She had blood clots in her legs and by her lungs and an infection in her throat that made it painful to swallow. I made sure that I was clean-shaven and dressed appropriately every day. I wanted everything to be as normal as possible.

After she was released from the hospital we flew back home and after one week she was back in the hospital. She had surgery to remove a blockage in her intestine. She eventually recovered and we decided a year later to go to Hawaii for our anniversary. On our return, we learned her cancer returned. She underwent treatment again and thank the good Lord she has recovered. She has remained cancer-free for two years now.

This experience has changed how we look at life. Previously, we would constantly debate purchasing something with me doing exhaustive research in the hope of saving a few dollars. We are not extravagant by any means - but we now live in the present. Our experience pales with yours but the message is so true. We are all here for you.

I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Aaron Hall]

Paul, your words are inspiring. I congratulate you on building victories wherever you can.

I live with a mental illness. Medication is not an effective treatment, only therapy is. We all have battles to fight; this is mine.

Shaving has developed into a meditative experience, particularly on days when I suffer more. The hobby helps to distract my mind when that is needed. The B&B community is an unwitting therapist. Thank you, everyone.

 

[Ad Astra]

Paul; we are on your side!

May our strength be your strength; this is a brotherhood, we care.


Mike

 

[DEPenguin]

All we need to do to find beauty is look--within or without, doesn't matter, it is ever present. I sense a beautiful kind of strength in your words, a resolution to imbibe every possible experience in the best possible way. Your day-to-day battle with your health is struggle enough, so to be able to truly immerse yourself in something as seemingly menial as a morning shave is a blessing indeed.

After my beautiful Denise passed I found it damned difficult to care about most anything, much less shaving; I still did it, but it had lost its luster. Slowly, but surely, I began to let the process avail me of a few moments respite from my blistering sorrows. Those few minutes I spent each day with my brush and soap, applying lather, then shaving helped me focus, even if only for that small window of time--it removed me enough from myself to see the greater joy in the moment.

Her loss is still fresh in mind and heart, but she has helped me (and continues to help me) take notice of such seemingly minor experiences every day.

Back in 2009, when I had a book of my short stories published, I gave her a copy and signed it with "It isn't the few big things, it's the million small things that mean the most." I truly hope you continue to find beauty in small things, while you still can.

Your angels are watching and listening, and I guarantee they're proud of you.

 

[BobbyB]

My wife has successfully beat pancreatic cancer through immunotherapy. Her initial treatment was surgery where the pancreas' tail--along with the spleen, were removed. She is now taking monthly infusions to help her body rebuild it's natural immune system resources. Great progress is being made in treating cancer, and there is always hope.

 

[JWCowboy]

Paul,

That's quite a burden to deal with. I appreciated reading your words, and the responses of the other members. You are an insightful and wise young man who has taught this cynical gen X guy a lesson this afternoon. Peace and blessings to you.

 

[JCarr]

Hi Paul. First off, I'm sorry to hear about your condition. Just an observation, but you seem to me, based on your post, to be dealing with it with peace and dignity. I would venture a guess that most of us are with you...falling down the shaving rabbit hole. I'm currently going through razor blades also, trying to find which one works best for me. I suppose each of us will be different in what works best, but one thing I've learned so far...it's not always the sharpest blade that works best. I used a Feather blade the other day and...I knew it was super-sharp...and although I got a very good shave, I found afterwards that I experienced a bit of mild skin irritation. So, super-sharp blade, good shave...skin irritation. No other blade to date has done that to me. My search continues.

But...have fun searching! That's the best part!

Looking forward to sharing fun shaving stuff with you on B&B.

 

[Ridpath]

Paul, I admire your strength and courage. Your post has certainly hit home.

Both my wife and I are older than you and are retired.

Fortunately, I have never had cancer. However, my wife has battled this dreaded disease a number of times. On her second bout with cancer, she was undergoing chemo treatments. She had just completed her third treatment when she wanted to visit her cousin in Seattle WA. Our drive to WA was uneventful. However, on the third day that she was there she became violently ill and ended up being hospitalized for two weeks. She had an adverse reaction to the chemo treatment she was undergoing. She had so many illnesses that came about because of her weakened immune system. She had blood clots in her legs and by her lungs and an infection in her throat that made it painful to swallow. I made sure that I was clean-shaven and dressed appropriately every day. I wanted everything to be as normal as possible.

After she was released from the hospital we flew back home and after one week she was back in the hospital. She had surgery to remove a blockage in her intestine. She eventually recovered and we decided a year later to go to Hawaii for our anniversary. On our return, we learned her cancer returned. She underwent treatment again and thank the good Lord she has recovered. She has remained cancer-free for two years now.

This experience has changed how we look at life. Previously, we would constantly debate purchasing something with me doing exhaustive research in the hope of saving a few dollars. We are not extravagant by any means - but we now live in the present. Our experience pales with yours but the message is so true. We are all here for you.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Amazing to hear your wife has beat the odds, I’m glad they caught it in time and despite the complications, she recovered. I’ve more or less been on chemo for the last 2.5 years, but palliative chemo aims to preserve quality of life for what time the patient has left, so the side effects have been not as bad. They have no more options for me though in terms of treatment, they were clutching at straws from day one anyway because of how rare my disease is; so now they’re looking at non-palliative treatment options (the not fun chemos).

Oddly enough, I still research each purchase to death (ha) before pulling the trigger, even impulse buys take me hours. I’m from a working class background and like yourself am not extravagant; but old habits die hard and that’s resulted in this weird position where I will happily buy expensive things, but will scour the Internet for every last detail before buying them.

 

[Ridpath]

All we need to do to find beauty is look--within or without, doesn't matter, it is ever present. I sense a beautiful kind of strength in your words, a resolution to imbibe every possible experience in the best possible way. Your day-to-day battle with your health is struggle enough, so to be able to truly immerse yourself in something as seemingly menial as a morning shave is a blessing indeed.

After my beautiful Denise passed I found it damned difficult to care about most anything, much less shaving; I still did it, but it had lost its luster. Slowly, but surely, I began to let the process avail me of a few moments respite from my blistering sorrows. Those few minutes I spent each day with my brush and soap, applying lather, then shaving helped me focus, even if only for that small window of time--it removed me enough from myself to see the greater joy in the moment.

Her loss is still fresh in mind and heart, but she has helped me (and continues to help me) take notice of such seemingly minor experiences every day.

Back in 2009, when I had a book of my short stories published, I gave her a copy and signed it with "It isn't the few big things, it's the million small things that mean the most." I truly hope you continue to find beauty in small things, while you still can.

Your angels are watching and listening, and I guarantee they're proud of you.

A tragically beautiful story. Thank you for sharing, I often feel it is harder for those who care to lose someone they care about.

And you’re right, it’s the small things that keep you going. Early on in my illness, a dear friend of mine who lost both parents to cancer taught me to find and appreciate the small things, like having a coffee with a friend, refilling my pill organiser, or hell, when I take a dump without anything going wrong. I’m glad you found yours.

 

[Frank Shaves]

Thank you for joining the forum and sharing your experience and thoughts, Paul!

Having now lived for more than 60 years, my immediate family has experienced both cancer and mental illness, plus a few other forms of disease. Your story reinforces just how precious life is.

Regarding your "scour[ing] the Internet for every last detail before buying them", that's another aspect of what is so fun about shaving - learning and experiencing.

Cancer bad; shaving good.

 

[ChiefHA]

My best friend since childhood was diagnosed with cancer a couple of years ago and until I began visiting him regularly after he became sick (his job required him to travel and stay at works sites most of the year) I did not know that we were both wet shavers. It was funny that we had both gone down the rabbit hole individually only he had a large collection of vintage razors. Our interests were still the same even when we did not realize it. Shaving was a passion of his until he became to weak to do so. After we lost him I discovered his posts on another shaving site and still can look at his SOTD posts and often reviewed products. I have even reposted some of his SOTD pics here. Not only did wet shaving give him comfort his posts help me deal with his loss as well. Ridpath stay strong and hold fast!

 

[Hannah's Dad]

Paul (@Ridpath ), interested to hear what some of your favorites are (hardware and software) and why.