bullying/harrassment in the workplace

[gaseousclay]

any of you ever have to deal with this type of behaviour? I'm just wondering if there's legal recourse one can take in this situation. I won't go into details about where I work but I will say that the company and its owner have fostered an environment of consistent hostility and bullying by certain employees. There is no management to speak of and the boss seems to take sides regardless of your contribution and time served at the company. I'm feeling incredibly stressed out about it and don't know what to do. If I say something I risk being the office pariah, if I don't then the cycle will continue. Plus I know that as soon as I start pointing fingers there will be five pointing right back at me accusing me of something.

For example, a couple of years ago my wife (then co-worker) got a part-time job at my company. After she quit we then started dating, but even prior to that certain individuals at the company made derogatory remarks about her. I didn't take much stock in it at the time because we weren't dating then. We eventually got together but the negative comments continued. It got to the point where I had to listen to people make fun of her on a daily basis. Why didn't I do anything you ask? Mainly because we don't have management and I know my boss wouldn't have done anything about it. Also, I'm fiercely protective of my private life so I didn't want people knowing about us. I think my co-workers finally caught on to us dating thanks to office gossip and the negative comments stopped. I also stopped talking to the one person who was responsible for perpetrating the comments about her. Some would say that my lack of communication with the guy is a form of harrassment but I think he knows that I know he talked smack about her and knew any additional comments might land him a punch in the face.

Another example, I came into work today and like a lot of businesses that are struggling with the economy there just wasn't much work to do. My co-worker, who has the title of manager but isn't really a manager, proceeded to give me the cold shoulder. I tried chatting with him this morning and he was despondent. I even gave him some of my workload so he would have something to do and again, nothing but the silent treatment all day. For a guy that calls himself a manager he sure as hell doesn't act like one.

Anyway, i'm at the end of my rope here. If I could find another job I'd jump at it in a heartbeat, unfortunately, since the economy is still in the crapper I know this isn't possible. What i'm seeing is a lot of posturing, as if certain co-workers are trying to stake a claim on work. There's a false sense of entitlement among certain employees and it's really pushing me to the breaking point. What should I do?

 

[valmara1971]

There is no quick and easy answer to this situation I'm afraid. In the end I think it is a question of what do you value most your integrity or your job. I know in an ideal world you would just walk away but we all know it's not that easy. Talk it over with your wife and try to decide together what you're going to do about the situation. Best of luck to you fella.

 

[Biffo]

I thank my lucky stars my current employers are VERY anti harassment / bullying / racism etc etc etc, and my "line managers" are always ready and available to talk to anyone with any complaints.

This is after 10 years with another company where people were picked on, bullied, harassed and had mind games played on them on a daily basis, in the end I said enough is enough and walked out. My salary now is only two thirds of what it used to be but gods I am happy working here now and can look forwards to going into work.

 

[RBE17]

Do you have a company handbook? If you do, there might be guidelines in there concerning it. You might want to talk to a lawyer and see if you have any recourse. I think you're stuck at the moment. I'd just hang on until you can find something else and then tell them to jam it. One of the things I've seen in this economy is work places treating people poorly because they can.

 

[Mejnoon]

The one piece of advice I'll add is document EVERYTHING.

 

[valmara1971]

The one piece of advice I'll add is document EVERYTHING.

+1 on this. If you can get someone sympathetic to your cause to witness what goes on this will help if you ever get it to court.

 

[Bill Smith]

Five years ago I worked for a sales agency representing a variety of different products to big box retail. I reported to a district manager who was an organizational bully, I lasted one year and decided at the time in my mid thirties, it just was not worth it for potential mental and physical health issues down the road. So I quit, took a lower paying gig and went back to school (now graduated) for a new career.

If you are suffering the Monday morning dread Saturday night, it's time to draft up the resignation letter, economy be damned. Things won't stay crappy forever and your well being is more important.

 

[ShaveAddict]

I know what u talk about, couple of years ago i was solving my problem whit leaving the job.
But i learned it's not the good thing to do.
Talking can sometimes be helpfull.

 

[BruceK]

Is this a stand alone company or is it part of a larger one? Meaning, is there a central or "corporate" office that you can elevate this to? If so, then start there. If not, then you may want to speak to an employment attorney.

And has already been said, by all means document, document, document. And keep copies at home.

 

[mmack66]

Do you work at the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company?

 

[Chaucer498]

I fail to see where the bullying/harrasment come into play with the scenarios you described.

The first scenario they were talking about a former employee, which you were dating at the time, but no one really knew that but you. Cracking on a former employee is unprofessional, but it happens and it's not really harrassment. As soon as the "gossip" got around that you were possibly dating her they immediately stopped talking about her. I don't see any harm done here.

The second scenario a co-worker is giving you the cold shoulder. This isn't really bullying or harrassing. You don't really know what that guy goes home to or what he has on his mind. His kid could be sick, his wife giving him a hard time and just the bs life throws at a person. Maybe he's just not in the mood to talk? He should keep his personal life out of the work place for sure but again I fail to see where you feel you have been violated in any way?

Also unless you have ever actually attempted to say anything regarding these things that go on. You really have no leg to stand on. You're assuming that your boss will take sides. If he/she did takes side why would they not choose your side and opt to side with the others?

If you don't like the way the business is conducted there is only one answer for you my friend....start looking for a new job.

 

[AndrewWiggin]

I fail to see where the bullying/harrasment come into play with the scenarios you described.

The first scenario they were talking about a former employee, which you were dating at the time, but no one really knew that but you. Cracking on a former employee is unprofessional, but it happens and it's not really harrassment. As soon as the "gossip" got around that you were possibly dating her they immediately stopped talking about her. I don't see any harm done here.

The second scenario a co-worker is giving you the cold shoulder. This isn't really bullying or harrassing. You don't really know what that guy goes home to or what he has on his mind. His kid could be sick, his wife giving him a hard time and just the bs life throws at a person. Maybe he's just not in the mood to talk? He should keep his personal life out of the work place for sure but again I fail to see where you feel you have been violated in any way?

Also unless you have ever actually attempted to say anything regarding these things that go on. You really have no leg to stand on. You're assuming that your boss will take sides. If he/she did takes side why would they not choose your side and opt to side with the others?

If you don't like the way the business is conducted there is only one answer for you my friend....start looking for a new job.

+1. If there's no work to be done at your current employer you should probably be looking anyway, it doesn't sound like a company that has what it takes to survive a down economy.

Then again, if you really want your co-worker to buck up, get him a shaving kit and introduce him to the wonderful world of wetshaving.

 

[flatstick96]

Are there any managers within your company that you DO respect? Can you request to be transferred to another group/department where you could work under one of them?

About a decade ago I took a job in an industry that was new to me at the time; the district manager who hired me recognized pretty quickly that I was his top dog, and he started moving me around to various underperforming locations, cleaning up other peoples messes. Eventually we'd cleaned up the whole group and everything was humming; as is often the case, the company couldn't leave well enough alone, so they reassigned me to a different district (in the hopes that I'd have the same impact there). The DM to whom I was reassigned was a bully - and, frankly, an insecure *******. Where my previous DM had recognized that if he just let me be I'd get him results, this guy relished busting my balls, making sure he "kept me in my place" - all he cared about was maintaining some juvenile pecking order, and results be damned. Adding to the annoyance was that he (a married man) was banging one of the female managers the group - the whole group was a shambles, and everyone except his mistress pretty much despised him. I worked under this guy for a few months, and the locations for which I was responsible were showing improvement, but the working situation was just brutal - so I decided to quit.

At just that time we had a regional meeting; while there I got to chatting with my old DM. I told him I'd had it with the guy I was working for and that I was going to have to take my act elsewhere. A couple of days later he called me up and said "I've made some calls, and I've worked out a trade; will you consider staying with the company if I can get you transferred back into my group?" I told him I would, and he made it happen. It got me out of my ****ty situation, and it beat having to try and find a new job.

Just a thought...

 

[David in Boston]

The one piece of advice I'll add is document EVERYTHING.

Do it!

And if you can consult with a lawyer that deals with employment issues.

Also if you are having physical, mental, or emotional effects from this situation go see a doctor and document it.

I haven't been the victim of bullying in the workplace but I know of folks who have. It is amazing how a doctor or lawyer can put a bully(who are nothing but cowards) in their place.

Good Luck.

 

[mmack66]

Do it!

And if you can consult with a lawyer that deals with employment issues.

Also if you are having physical, mental, or emotional effects from this situation go see a doctor and document it.

I haven't been the victim of bullying in the workplace but I know of folks who have. It is amazing how a doctor or lawyer can put a bully(who are nothing but cowards) in their place.

Good Luck.

Unless there is something more substantial than the information that is presented in the OP, there is really nothing to document other than a poorly run business.

 

[Dewaine]

Here is what you do: If you have a computer with a DVD player, use it, or bring in a small DVD player. During your lunch break, put in MR. BEAN'S HOLIDAY, play it and laugh uproariously while you are watching it. After lunch, put it away and forget about it. If someone comments on you lunchtime antics, stare at their forehead as they speak to you, and then just go back to whatever you were working on.

It worked for me.

 

[gaseousclay]

I fail to see where the bullying/harrasment come into play with the scenarios you described.

The first scenario they were talking about a former employee, which you were dating at the time, but no one really knew that but you. Cracking on a former employee is unprofessional, but it happens and it's not really harrassment. As soon as the "gossip" got around that you were possibly dating her they immediately stopped talking about her. I don't see any harm done here.

my co-workers knew of my involvement with her even before the office gossip started, because I was the only one there who was friendly to her. the co-worker in question knew I liked her and purposely made malicious remarks about her in my presence knowing that it pissed me off. to me this is akin to someone calling your wife a whore. it doesn't matter if they knew we were dating or not, the fact that this type of behaviour went on is appalling to me.

The second scenario a co-worker is giving you the cold shoulder. This isn't really bullying or harrassing. You don't really know what that guy goes home to or what he has on his mind. His kid could be sick, his wife giving him a hard time and just the bs life throws at a person. Maybe he's just not in the mood to talk? He should keep his personal life out of the work place for sure but again I fail to see where you feel you have been violated in any way?

I knew he was giving ME the cold shoulder because he didn't seem to have any problems chatting with everybody else this morning. I was the only one he didn't talk to all day, despite my attempt at conversation with him earlier in the day. i'm not blind to workplace hostility but when it's aimed at me for no apparent reason then I take it personally. I don't feel like i'm in a position to talk to him about it because quite frankly, he's very immature for a guy in his 40's and I don't think he's capable of having a civil conversation about the matter.

Also unless you have ever actually attempted to say anything regarding these things that go on. You really have no leg to stand on. You're assuming that your boss will take sides. If he/she did takes side why would they not choose your side and opt to side with the others?

i've been with this company for roughly 14 yrs and the majority of those years didn't have a manager. i've seen a lot of good former coworkers quit or get fired because of the often scathing and unwarranted remarks of others. i've also seen one too many verbally abusive shouting matches occur between employees over the most petty things, hence the reason I keep my mouth shut. had my co-worker perhaps made an attempt to talk to me I would've turned the other cheek, but since my so-called manager doesn't have the social skills necessary to engage in adult discussion I don't bother. I'm not making an assumption about my boss taking sides - he's done it many times before and on a couple of occasions they were because of baseless accusations leveled at me.

If you don't like the way the business is conducted there is only one answer for you my friend....start looking for a new job.

i've already got a resume up on several jobs sites and i'm actively looking. one thing I won't do is voluntarily quit because then i'm ineligible for unemployment insurance.

 

[gaseousclay]

Are there any managers within your company that you DO respect? Can you request to be transferred to another group/department where you could work under one of them?

Just a thought...

as I stated, there are no real managers. there are a couple of people that have the title of 'manager' but have absolutely no authority, nor have they done anything managerial in my entire tenure at the company. when I first started the boss' brother was the acting manager, but he was quickly ousted from his position because my coworkers seem to have a problem with authority figures. I don't know how many times I've heard people threaten to quit if another manager was hired. so, I can't simply request to be put into another department because I know there are those who would feel like their toes are being stepped on.

 

[WhosYerBob]

At my last employer a much younger manager took it upon himself to drive all the older guys like myself out. And upper management thought so highly of the younger guy that they never asked themselves why his group had such high turnover.

The MO was the same in each case; bring them onto his team, tell them they didn't know squat; refuse to assist them with getting to know how he expected things to be done; talk trash about their work in front of the other staff; spread terrible rumors about them behind their backs, deliver horrible verbal abuse in front of the other staff during closed door meetings, etc.

This behavior would go on for a period of many months, then culminate in an explosive confrontation after which the oldster was accused of various trumped-up charges, then they would be fired on the spot and escorted out of the building without being allowed to collect their personal belongings. Everything would happen in roughly 5 to 10 minutes, then the oldster would be on the street.

I observed this harassment occur on several occasions - then it began to happen to me.

As I saw the MO play itself out - exactly like the previous occasions - I prepared for my departure. Any electronic data I needed for future employment went home (contact lists, email, etc. - nothing that was company confidential). All my personal belongings slowly went home in my bag. All of the actions against me were documented. I made sure that when everything came to it's culmination, I was ready to leave on my terms.

And arrive it did. Explosive confrontation. Trumped up charges. Screaming obscenities in front of the other staff. The whole nine yards. I didn't say a word, just turned on my heels, stopped by my cube for my coat, logged out of the computer and walked out. As soon as I got home, I sent a long email to our upper management saying that I quit and the reasons why, and put into motion a process that eventually got the guy removed as a manager.

It was the best decision I ever made. No, I didn't have another job lined up. And yes, it took awhile to find a replacement job. But now I earn more than I did at the old job, have better benefits and a much friendlier work environment.

 

[gaseousclay]

And arrive it did. Explosive confrontation. Trumped up charges. Screaming obscenities in front of the other staff. The whole nine yards. I didn't say a word, just turned on my heels, stopped by my cube for my coat, logged out of the computer and walked out. As soon as I got home, I sent a long email to our upper management saying that I quit and the reasons why, and put into motion a process that eventually got the guy removed as a manager.

wow, glad to hear it worked out for you. you and others here mention documenting everything....as in just write everything you've witnessed down? the problem with this is that there are always two sides to the story and whose is more credible. I could document things til i'm blue in the face and I feel like it wouldn't do any good. may I ask what 'process' you put into motion that got your former manager removed? i'm wondering if I should prepare myself for an eventual showdown or grin and bear it?