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Best way to soften beard hair?

You need hot water. Your whiskers will be naturally hydrophobic, but hot water will break down the outer layer ( the cuticle) allowing the inner layers to absorb water, expand, and soften. A shower, hot towel, or lots of splashing the face. This will take about three minutes. After then, Noxzema and a good cream or soap will keep the whiskers soft and the razor's path lubricated.
 
For me, really hot water splashed on my face for a few minutes works wonders to soften my beard. As hot as my face can comfortably stand. However, I've also found that if I wash my face with Noxzema and hot water before I lather, I can get by with water that isn't as hot. My theory is that the oils from my skin coat my beard hair and prevent water from contacting and softening the hair. The really hot water or the Noxzema remove the oils and let the hot water contact and soak into the hair. My oil theory is somewhat substantiated in the observation that cold water shaving or pre-shave oils both deliver a shave with more tugging and a much tougher beard.
 
As with most, shower, wash face with some kind of soap (I use Dial glycerin) then lathering and shaving.
Maybe a different blade as well. That's been my experience as well.
 
For me, the hot towel is a good way for softening.
I usually have 2 or even 3 hot towels in the space of about 30 seconds, then either face lather with soap or a shaving stick or make the lather in a bowl with cream
I like a thick "Santa Beard" lather
This is usually enough for a good shave
 

TexLaw

Fussy Evil Genius
I have a nice, hot shower before shaving and wash my face with a good quality, moisturizing soap (i.e., something that also makes for a good shampoo). I rinse my face off last, and my whiskers swell noticeably from the treatment. I leave my face wet when coming out of the shower, and I'll continue to splash water on it while getting whatever else done that I need done for my shave. I'll often spread a little "protolather" on my beard while starting my lather in my bowl. I finish my lather on my face, so that gives a little more time, as well.

What works VERY WELL for me, really, is to work up a little bit of a sweat before that shower. Even just 10 minutes of exercise in the morning can make a large difference.
 
Hot water. It breaks down the water-resistant outer layer of the hair, allowing it to soften. It can take up to three minutes of hydration to really soften the beard. Pre-shave, hair conditioner, letting lather sit on your face can all help, but hot water is the essential element IMHO.
 
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