Beat Poetry Shack

[luvmysuper]

In honor of the fine poetic posts made in other threads, I open this with a post originated by Thunderball. I used his because it was quite handy. TopGumby has some fine examples as well, which he can choose to move here (or I will if he doesn't)

If you see a fine example of members poetry in another thread, please post it here so we can all enjoy.
If your an unappreciated poet or lyricist, post you offerings here.

And now for your reading pleasure;

After being inspired by some of the outstanding examples of poetry being posted in the past few days I came up with this little bit of poesy for you all while sitting at work.


When you first stumble upon the B&B
You may be o’erwhelmed by what you see
Gentlemen debating, discussing, and rating
Giving priceless advice for free

From whisky to razors, and blades to creams
You’ll slowly work out what everything means
And get in over your head in meaningless threads
And see SuperSpeeds at night your dreams

From DEs to straights this hobby is deep
Your online expenditures have made your wife weep
No matter the time, you find you’re online
Having lost the compulsion to sleep

‘I’ll be fine’, you say, ‘just one more thread’
As visions of Penhaligon’s dance in your head
As you wait for a reply the time ticks by
And you find 40 new posts you’ve not read!

Some might question why you choose to stay
On this humble shave forum all night and all day
It’s best to refrain from trying to explain
(They wouldn’t understand what you’d say)

So for those of you wondering, have I lost my mind?!
If I keep playing with razors will I really go blind?
Keep posting! replying! selling! (and buying)
For B&B is classiness defined.

 

[thunderball]

A few ditties composed today :

The Young Honemeister

To remove a small burr from the edge
Of my scary big black Boker wedge
I fastened it nice in my father’s big vice
And had at it with a 15-pound sledge.


O'Blade, Wither Art Thou?

T’was on B&B I was shown
A man with some skills and a hone
I sent him my straight on April the 8th
And now he won’t answer his phone.


The Well-Groomed Sailor

During times of inclement weather
I never load up with a Feather
Since this wild pitching ship once caused me to trip
And left me piecing my face back together.


Glad She's Gone

‘How many brushes do you need!?”
My unsettled ex-wife she would plead
‘I need as many as a dollar has pennies’
And my jewels met hard with a knee.

 

[luvmysuper]

The Nid Hog mentioned that the colognes he uses were Mainstream 60 years ago, and Top Gumby posted this in response

(Sing to the tune of 16 Tons)

Some people say a man should run with the crowd
Your scent should be trendy and not too loud
You should wear ocean breezes and citrus notes
But if you steal Grampa's stuff, well you can't go wrong

You wait sixty years, what do you get
You smell like Old Spice whenever you sweat
Don't you try to give me that Aqua De Gio
I get my cologne at the five and dime store

I was born too late to fit my time
So I grabbed some English Leather and made it mine
To be a little different, well that's my goal
So I bathe my face in Lilac Vegetal

You wait sixty years, what do you get
You smell like Joe Friday, the cop from "Dragnet"
You can bet that the ladies put on quite a show
Whenever I go.... past the Old Folk's Home

 

[luvmysuper]

In the Limerick vein;

There once was a fellow named Dave
Who used a DE for his shave
Now he constantly fusses
buying soaps and new brushes
And brags of the money he'll save

 

[luvmysuper]

Another great one by TopGumby;

Welcome to Badger and Blade!
Just think of the money you'll save!
You've been thinking, you say,
Of the old fashioneed way
To get a close comfortable shave.

You've got millions of questions, we know
Just take a deep breath and go slow.
No, my good man, that's called "goo from a can"
The brush and the mug aren't for show!

Yes, that razor you found will do fine
No pressure, relax, take your time...
Oh, you want two or three? Try B/S/T
It's not RAD 'till you've got at least nine!

Yes, those brushes can cost quite a lot
Wow, look at all that stuff that you've bought!
Now that you're through saving, it's on with the shaving
What's that? Oh, the blade goes in near the top.

There! How did your first wet shave go?
It's really exciting, we know!
That shaving utensil- It's called "styptic pencil"
Don't worry, in a week it won't show!

What's that? You've acheived BBS?
The goal at the end of your quest!
Yep, they're all getting robbed, those poor cartridge slobs
And now you're wet shaving obsessed!

Yes, these forums do quite a nice job
Of letting you learn and hobnob
One word of advice: You'd better think twice
About debating Witch Hazel with ClubmanRob!

 

[luvmysuper]

Yet another TopGumby post about the reformulation of Old Spice, and the use by members of the Vi John clone, Ivy Club (or Club de Ivory)

(sung to the tune of the theme to "The Bridge on the River Kwai" or the Colonel Bogey March)

Old Spice...ain't what it used to be
It's gone...all limp and powdery
But Vi-Jon, made something sim'lar
So we're all in the Club d'Ivoire

You can....pay an enormous fee
To smell...just like a maître d’
Your fees are smaller, at Family Dollar
Where you get that Club d'Ivoire

 

[luvmysuper]

And finally, by TopGumby, a shaving Haiku

The spry Injector
A Spring breeze apon my face
Alas, feels like Atra

(All shaving Haiku is 5,7,6)

 

[The Nid Hog]

Gentlemen, the poems are magnificent. There was once a time when I feared that I would spend my twilight years sending limericks to Leatherneck. Thank you for setting the bar so high.

Haiku from an autumn afternoon contemplating shaving.

Spring blossoms faint scent
Dead mouse rots behind the sink
Lilac Vegetal

Chanel No. 5
Take it apart, mix again
Reborn as Clubman

Blade I failed to change
Skin torn, thin stream of crimson
Bay rum burns my soul

 

[luvmysuper]

Gentlemen, the poems are magnificent. There was once a time when I feared that I would spend my twilight years sending limericks to Leatherneck. Thank you for setting the bar so high.

Haiku from an autumn afternoon contemplating shaving.

Spring blossoms faint scent
Dead mouse rots behind the sink
Lilac Vegetal

Chanel No. 5
Take it apart, mix again
Reborn as Clubman

Blade I failed to change
Skin torn, thin stream of crimson
Bay rum burns my soul

That's fantastic. I love the LV Haiku.
I'm going to be printing this post out frequently.

 

[RichGem]

Originally Posted by _JP_

[HIPHOP]

OCD in the BST!
Lookin' there for shavin' goodies!
Buying all them that I see.
To feed my ever-lovin' ADs!

[/HIPHOP]

 

[luvmysuper]

In the "Speak like a Pirate" Thread

Yes, I am a Pirate
200 years too late
the cannons don't thunder
there's nothing to plunder
I'm an over 40 victim of fate

 

[strat1117]

Cushion of lather.
Flashing steel so fine and sharp.
Rough cheeks become smooth.

 

[Topgumby]

My favorite Gillette?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What one Gillette do you need?
Of course, a 40's Super Speed
Then again, the Red Tip's nice
So you may have to buy "just one" twice

The three piece Tech works well for me
So maybe you should get just three
The Fat Boy was the Gillette de jour
Perhaps you should make room for four

Slims and Sheratons are pretty slick
Really, you should have five or six
The New's a bit of shaving heaven
To be complete, you should have seven

The Super Adjustables are great
You guessed it - the minimum is eight
You should know the Knack's devine
Just one now has become just nine

You need a Rocket in your den
In for one, you're in for ten
The Senator is awful fun
I think you should have ten plus one

With one for shaving, and one for show
Then twentytwo is the way to go
Then there's all the others I forgot...
Screw counting 'em, just buy the lot!

 

[thunderball]

My favorite Gillette?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What one Gillette do you need?
Of course, a 40's Super Speed
Then again, the Red Tip's nice
So you may have to buy "just one" twice

The three piece Tech works well for me
So maybe you should get just three
The Fat Boy was the Gillette de jour
Perhaps you should make room for four

Slims and Sheratons are pretty slick
Really, you should have five or six
The New's a bit of shaving heaven
To be complete, you should have seven

The Super Adjustables are great
You guessed it - the minimum is eight
You should know the Knack's devine
Just one now has become just nine

You need a Rocket in your den
In for one, you're in for ten
The Senator is awful fun
I think you should have ten plus one

With one for shaving, and one for show
Then twentytwo is the way to go
Then there's all the others I forgot...
Screw counting 'em, just buy the lot!

A way with words has this fellow...well done sir, well done!!

 

[luvmysuper]

A way with words has this fellow...well done sir, well done!!

I agree. Pretty amazing! Bravo.

 

[luvmysuper]

Cushion of lather.
Flashing steel so fine and sharp.
Rough cheeks become smooth.

Man I love shaving Haiku.

 

[strat1117]

Man I love shaving Haiku.

Thanks. Here's another:

Silver tip badger
Handle perfectly balanced
Soap has met its match

 

[luvmysuper]

Thanks. Here's another:

Silver tip badger
Handle perfectly balanced
Soap has met its match

Ok, I guess I'm going to have to get cracking on this, I'm just to busy reading the great stuff.

 

[The Nid Hog]

Wow--lots of very good stuff! I'll have to get back to work when I get a chance.

 

[The Nid Hog]

Outside my window
Leaves begin to fall. My beard
Simply fades to gray.