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An act of kindness on the street.

This thread reminds me of something that happened to me and a work associate, years ago.

We were working in engineering at a rather large defense contractor, and had a meeting to attend. On the way to the conference room, we stopped at the men's room.

While exiting to the hallway, my buddy saw a guy approaching, and held the door for him. We had seen this guy before and didn't know him, but he had a disability that required him to use crutches.

Now, my co-worker was just being kind, but the disabled man was having none of it, and responded with:

"Are you going to hold my d*ck for me too?"

We were floored.

I get that this man felt that he didn't want to be treated any differently because of his disability, and that he was capable of opening the door, but my co-worker was doing exactly what he would have done for any able-bodied person, and merely showing courtesy.

Yikes.

Sadly, we learned to never show this person any sort of treatment that might be construed as special, which actually meant we treated him differently from everyone else, and feared showing him any kindness.
It is interesting meeting people with disabilities, you never know what to expect when it comes to holding a door open or something similar.
We have a friend who's husband is disabled, born with no legs and about ten years behind mentally.
Great guy! Goes to work everyday and is very active! He expects no help from anyone but when you do help he is grateful. Just do not touch his wheel chair! That's his baby!
 

FarmerTan

"Self appointed king of Arkoland"
This thread reminds me of something that happened to me and a work associate, years ago.

We were working in engineering at a rather large defense contractor, and had a meeting to attend. On the way to the conference room, we stopped at the men's room.

While exiting to the hallway, my buddy saw a guy approaching, and held the door for him. We had seen this guy before and didn't know him, but he had a disability that required him to use crutches.

Now, my co-worker was just being kind, but the disabled man was having none of it, and responded with:

"Are you going to hold my d*ck for me too?"

We were floored.

I get that this man felt that he didn't want to be treated any differently because of his disability, and that he was capable of opening the door, but my co-worker was doing exactly what he would have done for any able-bodied person, and merely showing courtesy.

Yikes.

Sadly, we learned to never show this person any sort of treatment that might be construed as special, which actually meant we treated him differently from everyone else, and feared showing him any kindness.
Sad.

I once DID have to hold THAT, for a patient. It was in a public restroom, and I was transport for him. He was kind of kind about it, but none of us really know how we might feel/behave until we end up in those moccasins....
 
Sad.

I once DID have to hold THAT, for a patient. It was in a public restroom, and I was transport for him. He was kind of kind about it, but none of us really know how we might feel/behave until we end up in those moccasins....

Oh, I agree. This man was dealt a terrible hand, and probably had some anger and resentment over it. I understand, but our hearts are always in the right place. We never intended to belittle or demean him, obviously.

I will still (always) try to do the right and courteous thing but sadly I am also now mindful that it may be somehow misconstrued.
 

FarmerTan

"Self appointed king of Arkoland"
Oh, I agree. This man was dealt a terrible hand, and probably had some anger and resentment over it. I understand, but our hearts are always in the right place. We never intended to belittle or demean him, obviously.

I will still (always) try to do the right and courteous thing but sadly I am also now mindful that it may be somehow misconstrued.
It's better to do what you did, than what he did to you.

Keep it up. We are to turn the other cheek, no matter that it will most likely get slapped as well. Jerks do what they do, and I try hard not to laugh when they get kicked by karma, lol.

(And yes, I try NOT to pray that they kicked by karma. But I do fail most of the time!)
 

FarmerTan

"Self appointed king of Arkoland"
I was just reading Matthew 7.12 in my devotions this morning and thinking about it. This world would be a far better place if we actually lived by those words.
And it is amazing how the actions the Christ describes in the verse transcends all of time and space. No religion on earth should have a problem with that statement. What a pleasant reminder my friend.
 

luvmysuper

My elbows leak
Staff member
To the point made by @gpjoe I always try to imagine the spirit in which an act was conducted. It makes a difference. It certainly would have in the case he mentioned if the gentleman had tried to understand the intent was just to be a decent human to other humans and not to denigrate his abilities.
I'll relate a story I'm sure I mentioned here before.
I was in a bowling league a few years back, and we had finished up. I headed outside to wait while my wife used the ladies room.
As I stood there near the curb in thought, a fellow probably not more than 10 years younger than me walked up to go inside. He got close enough to reach for the door, then turned, looked at me and said "Are you ok pops?"
Now, initially, I was a little thrown by a guy nearly my age calling me "pops", but I'll admit 2 things:
1. I look older than I am.
2. He had a genuine look of concern on his face.

I surmise that my face, while meandering my thought hallways, might have made it look like I was a fella who was confused about where he was, or what he was doing.

I smiled at him and said "I'm good, thank you for asking!" His face brightened, and as a result, we both probably remember the incident much more pleasantly than if I had taken offense over some silly word like "pops".
 

FarmerTan

"Self appointed king of Arkoland"
To the point made by @gpjoe I always try to imagine the spirit in which an act was conducted. It makes a difference. It certainly would have in the case he mentioned if the gentleman had tried to understand the intent was just to be a decent human to other humans and not to denigrate his abilities.
I'll relate a story I'm sure I mentioned here before.
I was in a bowling league a few years back, and we had finished up. I headed outside to wait while my wife used the ladies room.
As I stood there near the curb in thought, a fellow probably not more than 10 years younger than me walked up to go inside. He got close enough to reach for the door, then turned, looked at me and said "Are you ok pops?"
Now, initially, I was a little thrown by a guy nearly my age calling me "pops", but I'll admit 2 things:
1. I look older than I am.
2. He had a genuine look of concern on his face.

I surmise that my face, while meandering my thought hallways, might have made it look like I was a fella who was confused about where he was, or what he was doing.

I smiled at him and said "I'm good, thank you for asking!" His face brightened, and as a result, we both probably remember the incident much more pleasantly than if I had taken offense over some silly word like "pops".
Lol, reminds me of the time my dad dispersed a bunch of young hooligans! I've no time to tell it now, but stay tuned my friends. It's werth the wait!
 
I was raised right with manners. car doors, building doors, whatever. moved up to NY and got the cold shoulder. women especially didn't like door holding Patriarchal toxic masculinity. this was late 90s before things exploded on line. I just slowly tapered off of it. some women would race me to a door so they could exert their... independence. some I dated would after they saw the pattern. back in the day, if a man unlocked and opened a car door for his woman and she wouldn't reach over and unlock his as he walked around to the driver's door, that was a tell for the quality of the relationship and her longevity in it.

came home to visit and was driving mom around. we go to the bank and I'm following her in, droned out. I almost run her over because she just stopped. why is she just standing there? what's happening? oh... ah... I step around her and grab the door. she walks in and never a word is spoken.

I never forgot the lesson, or that others don't get to dictate my behaviors. on occasion, I'll tell someone "you're welcome" as they go in a door and not acknowledge it if I'm grumpy and they give off a vibe about it. the older I've gotten the more willing I am to offer to reach up on the high shelf in the grocery store, etc...
 
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