Loving the responses in this PIF.
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Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk
A PIF for comedians
- Thread starter Jbird45
- Start date
I live farawy from the USA, but I can't resist to share this with you guys
Why Fly Fishing Is Better Than Sex:
15 - You don't have to hide your Fly Fishing magazines..
14 - It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fly Fish with you once in a while.
13 - The Ten Commandments don't say anything about Fly Fishing.
12 - It's perfectly respectable to Fly Fish with a total stranger.
11 - When you see a really good Fly Fisherperson, you don't have feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together.
10 - If your regular Fly Fishing partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you Fish with someone else.
9 - Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fly Fish by yourself.
8 - When dealing with a Fly Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.
7 - You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy Fly Fishing stuff.
6 - You can have a Fly Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without getting sued for harassment.
5 - There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.
4 - Nobody expects you to Fly Fish with the same partner for the rest of your life.
3 - Nobody expects you to give up Fly Fishing if your partner loses interest in it.
2 - You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily to enjoy your favorite activity.
And the number one reason why Fly Fishing is Better Than Sex...
1 - Your Fly Fishing partner will never say, "Not again? We just Fished last week! Is Fishing all you ever think about?"
Or maybe this is a better way to look at this subject?!?!? This was also from the Internet:
Why Fly Fishing Is Better Than Making Love
1 Fish don't mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.
2 If you go fly fishing and you catch something, then that's good. If you're making love and you catch something, that's bad.
3 You can catch and release a fish. And you don't have to lie, and promise to still be friends after you let it go.
4 In fishing you lie about the one that got away. In making love you lie about the one you caught.
5 You can catch a fish on a 65 cent fly. If you want to catch a woman you're talking dinner and a movie minimum.
best regards
Ganko
Why Fly Fishing Is Better Than Sex:
15 - You don't have to hide your Fly Fishing magazines..
14 - It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fly Fish with you once in a while.
13 - The Ten Commandments don't say anything about Fly Fishing.
12 - It's perfectly respectable to Fly Fish with a total stranger.
11 - When you see a really good Fly Fisherperson, you don't have feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together.
10 - If your regular Fly Fishing partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you Fish with someone else.
9 - Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fly Fish by yourself.
8 - When dealing with a Fly Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.
7 - You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy Fly Fishing stuff.
6 - You can have a Fly Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without getting sued for harassment.
5 - There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.
4 - Nobody expects you to Fly Fish with the same partner for the rest of your life.
3 - Nobody expects you to give up Fly Fishing if your partner loses interest in it.
2 - You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily to enjoy your favorite activity.
And the number one reason why Fly Fishing is Better Than Sex...
1 - Your Fly Fishing partner will never say, "Not again? We just Fished last week! Is Fishing all you ever think about?"
Or maybe this is a better way to look at this subject?!?!? This was also from the Internet:
Why Fly Fishing Is Better Than Making Love
1 Fish don't mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.
2 If you go fly fishing and you catch something, then that's good. If you're making love and you catch something, that's bad.
3 You can catch and release a fish. And you don't have to lie, and promise to still be friends after you let it go.
4 In fishing you lie about the one that got away. In making love you lie about the one you caught.
5 You can catch a fish on a 65 cent fly. If you want to catch a woman you're talking dinner and a movie minimum.
best regards
Ganko
I'm in. This one is about the occupational hazards of being an engineer.
Some years ago, a lawyer, a doctor, and an engineer were sentenced to death in France. On the appointed day, they were taken to the guillotine.
First, the lawyer was placed in the machine. The huge, heavy blade dropped, but got stuck before reaching the lawyer's neck. Traditionally, if the execution failed to kill the prisoner, this was taken as a sign from God that they should be spared, and their death sentence commuted. So, it was decided the lawyer should be allowed to go free.
Next, it was the doctor's turn. The huge, heavy blade was hoisted to the top, the prisoner was strapped down, the blade released...and became stuck in exactly the same place. The doctor was allowed to walk.
Finally, the engineer was brought forward. The executioner hoisted the huge, heavy blade to the top. The engineer examined the machine carefully and said: "See that? I think I can see the cause of your trouble right there!"
Some years ago, a lawyer, a doctor, and an engineer were sentenced to death in France. On the appointed day, they were taken to the guillotine.
First, the lawyer was placed in the machine. The huge, heavy blade dropped, but got stuck before reaching the lawyer's neck. Traditionally, if the execution failed to kill the prisoner, this was taken as a sign from God that they should be spared, and their death sentence commuted. So, it was decided the lawyer should be allowed to go free.
Next, it was the doctor's turn. The huge, heavy blade was hoisted to the top, the prisoner was strapped down, the blade released...and became stuck in exactly the same place. The doctor was allowed to walk.
Finally, the engineer was brought forward. The executioner hoisted the huge, heavy blade to the top. The engineer examined the machine carefully and said: "See that? I think I can see the cause of your trouble right there!"
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Not in. But here is the weirdest/stupidest joke I have ever heard. A favorite of my father.
So a guy walks into a restaurant, sits down, refuses a menu, and orders a bowl of plain lettuce. When the waitress brings the lettuce, he begins sticking it into his ears.
When he finishes that, he orders another bowl of lettuce, and when that one arrives, he continues sticking lettuce into his ears.
When he is done with that, he calls the waitress over again and asks for another bowl of lettuce. The waitress informs him that they are out of lettuce, and asks if cabbage would do? He says that would be fine, and she brings him a bowl of cabbage. When the cabbage arrives, he begins sticking it into his ears.
At this point, a man sitting at a neighboring table can't contain his curiosity any further, so he says to the guy, "Hey, sorry to bother you, but I just have to know......why in the world are you putting cabbage into your ears?!?"
The guy responds, "Because they are out of lettuce."
So a guy walks into a restaurant, sits down, refuses a menu, and orders a bowl of plain lettuce. When the waitress brings the lettuce, he begins sticking it into his ears.
When he finishes that, he orders another bowl of lettuce, and when that one arrives, he continues sticking lettuce into his ears.
When he is done with that, he calls the waitress over again and asks for another bowl of lettuce. The waitress informs him that they are out of lettuce, and asks if cabbage would do? He says that would be fine, and she brings him a bowl of cabbage. When the cabbage arrives, he begins sticking it into his ears.
At this point, a man sitting at a neighboring table can't contain his curiosity any further, so he says to the guy, "Hey, sorry to bother you, but I just have to know......why in the world are you putting cabbage into your ears?!?"
The guy responds, "Because they are out of lettuce."
Respectfully in this tremendous PIF. I have enough hardware / software in my den at this time. And, most of my jokes are rather censorable.
At dinner one night, one cannibal turns to another and asked, "Does this clown taste funny to you?" 
A guy walks into a bar with his friend. Don't you think the second one would've noticed? 
A photon checks into a hotel. The desk clerk asks if he has any baggage. The photon says, "no, I'm traveling light."
A panda walks into a restaurant and orders dinner. After he finishes eating, he pulls out a gun, starts firing away, and heads for the exit. The host, confused and afraid, asks the panda why he did this. Tossing a dictionary at the host, the panda replied, "I'm a panda. Look it up," heads out the door.
Following the panda's instructions, the host finds the entry for "panda" in the dictionary and reads:
Panda (n): A large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats shoots and leaves.
Following the panda's instructions, the host finds the entry for "panda" in the dictionary and reads:
Panda (n): A large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats shoots and leaves.
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day....
One remarked, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday..."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
One remarked, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday..."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
A Women's Little Instruction Book
Woman don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.
The woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.
Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the shower to pee.
Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is
There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop."
Woman don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.
The woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.
Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the shower to pee.
Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is
There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop."
Great PIF!! 
Unfortunately, I don’t qualify as a comedian (just ask the LOTH)!!
Unfortunately, I don’t qualify as a comedian (just ask the LOTH)!!
Mary's had but one dream her entire life: to become a millionaire. Her entire life she worked hard, scrimped, and saved. By the time she was 30, she had saved up $900,000. But she also received a terminal diagnosis; her doctor told her she only had weeks to live. Mary quickly contacted her attorney, to draft her will and asked her pastor to pray with her.
A couple weeks later, Mary died, but not before she had distributed all the money she'd earned to her doctor, her pastor, and her attorney to be buried with her.
After Mary was buried, her pastor turned to Mary's doctor and her lawyer, the only two other mourners, and made a startling confession. "Mary gave me $300,000 and asked me to bury her with it. But the church roof suddenly needed to be replaced and the church itself had lots of things that needed to be repaired. I wound up using $100,000 of Mary's money on all the repairs. But I did bury her with the remaining money."
Mary's doctor replied, "I, too, have a confession to make. Some of the hospital's equipment failed and we needed to buy some replacements. I wound up using half of Mary's money to buy the new equipment. But I did bury her with the other half."
Shaking his head in disgust, Mary's doctor reprimanded the other two. "Gentlemen, I am shocked at the two of you. Mary asked you for one favor on her deathbed: to bury her with her money. Instead, you both broke your promise and spent her money. You should be ashamed of yourselves."
"You buried Mary with all the money she entrusted to you?" asked the doctor incredulously.
"Of course!" the lawyer replied indignantly. "I honored Mary's wishes. I made sure to bury her with a $300,000 personal check!"
A couple weeks later, Mary died, but not before she had distributed all the money she'd earned to her doctor, her pastor, and her attorney to be buried with her.
After Mary was buried, her pastor turned to Mary's doctor and her lawyer, the only two other mourners, and made a startling confession. "Mary gave me $300,000 and asked me to bury her with it. But the church roof suddenly needed to be replaced and the church itself had lots of things that needed to be repaired. I wound up using $100,000 of Mary's money on all the repairs. But I did bury her with the remaining money."
Mary's doctor replied, "I, too, have a confession to make. Some of the hospital's equipment failed and we needed to buy some replacements. I wound up using half of Mary's money to buy the new equipment. But I did bury her with the other half."
Shaking his head in disgust, Mary's doctor reprimanded the other two. "Gentlemen, I am shocked at the two of you. Mary asked you for one favor on her deathbed: to bury her with her money. Instead, you both broke your promise and spent her money. You should be ashamed of yourselves."
"You buried Mary with all the money she entrusted to you?" asked the doctor incredulously.
"Of course!" the lawyer replied indignantly. "I honored Mary's wishes. I made sure to bury her with a $300,000 personal check!"
- Thread starter
- #34
Last call!
Since the replies have slowed down I have decided I will pick a winner tomorrow. If you still want in now's the chance!
Since the replies have slowed down I have decided I will pick a winner tomorrow. If you still want in now's the chance!
One atom to another, "I think I've lost an electron".
The other one says, "Are you positive?"
The other one says, "Are you positive?"
- Thread starter
- #37
Well gents, this was a tough decision. There were some really good jokes and it made it a tough choice. I even had to get the wifes opinion to help me make a choice.
In the end though, i have to go with @Niched_edge for the Stevie Wonder shaving joke. It was too punny.
So congratulations niched_edge! Please send me a PM with shipping information and i will get it in the mail at some point.
And thank you to everyone for the replies. I got a good laugh from all of them and now have some new material. Thanks!
In the end though, i have to go with @Niched_edge for the Stevie Wonder shaving joke. It was too punny.
So congratulations niched_edge! Please send me a PM with shipping information and i will get it in the mail at some point.
And thank you to everyone for the replies. I got a good laugh from all of them and now have some new material. Thanks!
Well done PIF. It was quite fun!
Grats to Niched_Edge!
Grats to Niched_Edge!
