So I was married 2.5 yrs ago. Moved into her home, turned mine into a rental. She has a HEAVY handed "Paris" theme. All the cheap chinese "Paris" pieces of decor you see at places like TJ Maxx and homegoods. I don't really care. I'm not particularly interested in home decor. But here's the thing. I'm a former chef. I have a LOT of kitchen equipment I use and need. Most of it is stuff that belongs on the counter. Most of it gets veto'ed for not matching decor... so every time I cook, I must dig out an entire kitchen of instruments, set them up, use them, clean them, and store them. Again, I dealt with it.
Over time, the few pieces of decor I left out (mostly gifts or family heirlooms) have gone missing. Given away, thrown out or sold without a word said to me until I asked about them.
During quarantine, she was bored and so decided to redecorate the second floor of our home. She asked me what I wanted. I told her the things I'd do. She told me what theme/style she wanted. Basically paint everything white and then use copper, glass and vintage wood accent pieces. I like copper, glass and wood (not thrilled about white, but whatever) so I started buying pieces of actual vintage copper cookware and glass and wooden decor. She got mad, told me to leave it to the Interior decorator (oh she hired an interior decorator who has been paid literally THOUSANDS of dollars to decorate two rooms... one being the kitchen).
So, she and the decorator buy several EXTREMELY poorly made Chinese light fixtures with cheap/bad wiring. I had to fix the wiring and install them... these fixtures cost hundreds of dollars each. Another ~10 G's spent on a new couch (similar to our old couch but white instead of grey and smaller) and various tables. And finally the decorator comes back for a final install of art pieces/decor.
She literally bought virtually identical pieces to everything I had bought and my wife got upset about and made me get rid of. The decor is 90% the same as what I had bought for <$200... she won't even tell me what it cost, but I'd guess, minimum $5000. There's three vintage carboys (giant glass bottles for beer brewing). I found these SAME items for $10/... she said no... I asked what the decorator charged her (again, for the EXACT SAME THINGS SHE REFUSED WHEN I SUGGESTED THEM)... she won't even tell me.
Now I assume this is partly my wife telling her what I like and trying to get a nice compromise in the decor... but buying cheap chinese "retro" pieces instead of actual vintage pieces that are made well... and paying dozens of times as much for them is not a compromise in my eyes.
So... I find a piece that is exactly what my wife wants for $10-50... suggest it to my wife and am told "I'm paying a decorator to buy this stuff, stop looking for it"... then the decorator (billing $100/hr) finds the same pieces, but cheaper and crummier for hundreds of dollars, buys them and tacks on a fat finders fee... and suddenly my wife LOVES them.
Case in point... part of the decor is half-dead Rosemary... everywhere. I have THRIVING Rosemary plants on the porch that for three years I've tried to get my wife to let me put inside the house... absolutely not. Decorator, goes out and buys half dead ones and charges god-knows what for them... and now they're not only fine to be in the house, they're a vital element of our home decor. I'm not kidding Rosemary every direction I look.
Anyone been in a similar situation? Is there some trick to getting a wife to not implicitly assume you know nothing about home decor and that paying some kid to tell her what looks good is better than actually deciding what you like for yourself?
Over time, the few pieces of decor I left out (mostly gifts or family heirlooms) have gone missing. Given away, thrown out or sold without a word said to me until I asked about them.
During quarantine, she was bored and so decided to redecorate the second floor of our home. She asked me what I wanted. I told her the things I'd do. She told me what theme/style she wanted. Basically paint everything white and then use copper, glass and vintage wood accent pieces. I like copper, glass and wood (not thrilled about white, but whatever) so I started buying pieces of actual vintage copper cookware and glass and wooden decor. She got mad, told me to leave it to the Interior decorator (oh she hired an interior decorator who has been paid literally THOUSANDS of dollars to decorate two rooms... one being the kitchen).
So, she and the decorator buy several EXTREMELY poorly made Chinese light fixtures with cheap/bad wiring. I had to fix the wiring and install them... these fixtures cost hundreds of dollars each. Another ~10 G's spent on a new couch (similar to our old couch but white instead of grey and smaller) and various tables. And finally the decorator comes back for a final install of art pieces/decor.
She literally bought virtually identical pieces to everything I had bought and my wife got upset about and made me get rid of. The decor is 90% the same as what I had bought for <$200... she won't even tell me what it cost, but I'd guess, minimum $5000. There's three vintage carboys (giant glass bottles for beer brewing). I found these SAME items for $10/... she said no... I asked what the decorator charged her (again, for the EXACT SAME THINGS SHE REFUSED WHEN I SUGGESTED THEM)... she won't even tell me.
Now I assume this is partly my wife telling her what I like and trying to get a nice compromise in the decor... but buying cheap chinese "retro" pieces instead of actual vintage pieces that are made well... and paying dozens of times as much for them is not a compromise in my eyes.
So... I find a piece that is exactly what my wife wants for $10-50... suggest it to my wife and am told "I'm paying a decorator to buy this stuff, stop looking for it"... then the decorator (billing $100/hr) finds the same pieces, but cheaper and crummier for hundreds of dollars, buys them and tacks on a fat finders fee... and suddenly my wife LOVES them.
Case in point... part of the decor is half-dead Rosemary... everywhere. I have THRIVING Rosemary plants on the porch that for three years I've tried to get my wife to let me put inside the house... absolutely not. Decorator, goes out and buys half dead ones and charges god-knows what for them... and now they're not only fine to be in the house, they're a vital element of our home decor. I'm not kidding Rosemary every direction I look.
Anyone been in a similar situation? Is there some trick to getting a wife to not implicitly assume you know nothing about home decor and that paying some kid to tell her what looks good is better than actually deciding what you like for yourself?