Decorating tips for the recently divorced modern man

[SII]

At the risk of sounding inept ... I need some help.


Long story short; recently divorced father of two (6 year old girl, 3 year old boy). I do not have primary custody, so my children stay with me, or will when I return from the AOR, every other weekend and portions of the summer.


My divorce was finalized two weeks after I put boots on the ground, and over the past few months I've known that I'll be heading home to a place that is still largely a reminder of a life I'll never have again. For the sake of the children I didn't 'sanitize' the home as much as I wanted to prior to departure, but know when I return I will have to make that home mine.


*Before I left I did the assumed things - replaced the mattress, all the linens, and anything that touches the bed.


But now here I am, a bachelor at the age of 34, with no idea how to start. I guess I'm looking for ideas, brands, designs, etc, for a mature single man who also has children. Staple items a man should have in his home, brands and items that are timeless would be nice.

I don't want to be reminded of a life I wasn't supposed to have each time I walk in the door. I want my home to be comfortable and feel warm and inviting. I also know that eventually I will begin dating, and I don't want to have a typical bachelor pad to bring her back to.



This seemed like the appropriate place to post this. If there are any suggestions I'm open to just about anything. If this spurs creativity that is awesome, this could become a theme as I know my wardrobe needs some assistance, as does the garage

Thanks in advance.

 

[verdict]

Hello SII, I don't mean to be lazy and simply link you but I highly suggest this website: http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/

Also, you should start decorating the house with you know, stuff that's yours. I don't know if you have a collection, but maybe a nice watch case to display your watches. Or if you have a lot of shave gear, now's the perfect time to put those on display too.

Are you a big theater/media guy? Maybe a new soundsystem would be nice, along with a big television for football games. If you want to entertain the kids too, maybe you can buy an Xbox 360 (you're not old, I hope you know what I'm talking about!!) with a Kinect system so the kids will think you're cool...and if you start bringing dates over, social video games will be a good way to have fun.

Are you an audiophile? Maybe a record player with some big studio headphones is the answer.

If you're a cook, or you want to start, now's time to take back the kitchen. Don't let your health take a hit. Start filling up the kitchen with nice espresso machines (if you're into coffee) , blenders, GRILLS (!!) and treat yourself. Want to fill up the kitchen fridge with that 36 pack of Gatorade from Costco? You can do that too!

Or, if you are an electronics guy, maybe it's time to build your own pc. Building your own rig will take your mind off of things, and will give you sense of space that is yours.

And also - maybe you can start lifting weights if you don't. If you have an empty basement, maybe you should fill it up with weights. Craigslist has a lot of used weights that aren't expensive. Get yourself a bench, a power rack and a barbell and you're set.

 

[fine wine]

I would only bring "stuff" into my home that pleased me and a few things that the kids like. Show who you are. If you are going to bring women to your home, [and be damn careful about that] be honest and let her see first hand your "style". Thats all I can say........JR

 

[luvmysuper]

Don't make the mistake of redecorating your place into a "mans house".
It may feel good on the spur of the moment, but you'll regret it down the line.

 

[SII]

Verdict - link was good for ideas, thanks for sharing.

Luvmysuper - don't worry about that one! That was the initial intent of my post here! I'm a grown up. But I haven't been a single man in quite a while and if there were ever an opportunity to do some reinvention in my home it is now. In a lot of ways this is a new beginning for me and I couldn't think of a better time to start, or a better place, than coming off a deployment with seven months of time to think things through.

Blue Raccoon - kids room were taken care of before I left as that was one thing I knew I could control.

 

[Doc4]

Man that sucks.

I would suggest going slow, and putting a lot of thought into whatever you buy. Buy quality, once, after you are certain what exactly you want.

Let's say you need a dining room suite ... what's your budget? ... what can you get for that budget? ... what sort of stuff is available at a lower or higher budget? ... now again, what is your budget, really? If spending a little bit more can get you something of much better quality, maybe you want to put more of your money into this item. If you can get something almost as good for a lot less, then maybe you want to get the cheaper item and put the extra money elsewhere where it can get more "bang".

My preference would be to buy either quality or crap ... something that is a kick-@$$ heirloom, or something that is the cheapest stop-gap that will fill in until I can afford the good stuff. Or maybe for some stuff you just stick with cheap crap forever (you can get a cutlery set for $20 that will never wear out ... maybe that's good enough for you forever, and you never need the $150 version.)


Remember, it's YOUR house, so buy stuff that YOU like. But it's not supposed to be so personal that it's tacky, fugly, or some hideous combination of the two. Take a trusted friend who has good taste with you.

Consider repainting the inside of the house. Not to some bizarre colour or anything ... no 'cry for help dark purple' ... but just a subtle change of shade can be all you need to change the vibe inside the house and take it from the old life into the new life. Plus, it gives you something to do and stay active.

 

[Slash McCoy]

Shag carpet. Lots of fine art, like velvet elvises or a painting of a bunch of dogs playing poker. A lava lamp. A few red lightbulbs to set the mood. A nice wet bar. A BIG shave den display. A round, rotating bed, like the one Austin Powers has. Hey, it's your place, right?

 

[Legion]

This is a bit slack, but have you thought about getting an Ikea catalogue? They have lots of photos of "rooms" which are set up with all the furniture, and there are all sorts of different styles. At worst it might help you nail down what kind of look you are after, at best you can just call them and say "have page 33 delivered to me". I just got some book cases from there, and it was all pretty easy to build and the quality seems good for the price.

 

[Mike'sWorld]

+1 on avoiding the "man den" look. Having said that, don't be afraid to let your personality and preferences guide your decisions. This will prevent your place looking like the waiting room of a dentist's office, or like the set of a movie. Use color and textures and fabrics that make a statement about who you are. Be tasteful. And good luck.

 

[Celbob]

A good place to get some great ideas is by looking at some model homes. The people who set them up are professionals and do a great job putting a home together. I have walked through a number of them and when I see something I like I take a picture. There are places that sell the furnishings from model homes. On another note, the most important thing is the fact you have your kids, this is where a home starts. Thanks for your service.

Bob

 

[MrMurphy]

Been in your situation, same age, though my divorce occurred 2 years after my final PCS. No kids in my case.

I'm a 3d Modeler for gaming, so my computer desk and area are a workspace. I don't own a whole lot, everything's still stored mostly in Gatorboxes and Rubbermaids, because I'm still moving about quite a bit. But as others said, don't be afraid to buy quality, buy once. I've shed a lot of the, basically, crap, that she had filling up the apartment, so i'm narrowed down to just the essentials and keepsakes.

Start in one place, like your wardrobe. Work your way out from there.

 

[jones2289]

+1 to Ikea, depending on what you're looking for.

If you're in the market for any lower end furniture; check it out. I had never been inside an Ikea store until about a month ago, and was pretty impressed. It's definitely not heirloom quality stuff that you'll have for decades, but it is a step above the flimsy junk from Target, Walmart, etc. The best part is that everything's set up showroom style, and they have model rooms set up to give you an idea of what everything will look like together. This also gives you a good opportunity to check out the quality of the furniture.

I bought a couple of four drawer dressers to store dvds, video games, etc.. I also got an 8 cube organizer that was pretty sturdy. The dressers are about 3.5 feet tall by 2 feet wide, and way 100 lbs each. They're still particle board, but much heavier than the really cheap stuff. For those three things, I got out the door for $300.

Even if you only buy a couple of cheap chairs or something, they have a lot of neat stuff, as well as cheap kitchenware, lamps, bedding, etc. You could get some cheap bedding, curtains, etc, and change the look of a few rooms for not much $.

 

[RABIDMONKEY]

This is a bit slack, but have you thought about getting an Ikea catalogue? They have lots of photos of "rooms" which are set up with all the furniture, and there are all sorts of different styles. At worst it might help you nail down what kind of look you are after, at best you can just call them and say "have page 33 delivered to me". I just got some book cases from there, and it was all pretty easy to build and the quality seems good for the price.

+1
Im a single guy in house , Ikea has some cool stuff

 

[lamina]

Do you have books? Some nice shelves or the usual Ikea's Billy model, a best-seller here in Europe, available in several colors.Easy to assemble, contemporary design and functional. Books are always a division warmer. Not to talk about all things and good top-of-mind ideas when we see a nice book shelf!!

Put your razors/pogonotomy articles in the main entrance of your home, in a beautiful wooden cabinet. Excellent ice-breaker and it allows you a new subject of conversation when opening the door to that girl you're dating for some weeks now...Would you like to come up for some coffee?? Yes, please...What a nice collection!! Oh well, you know...

Decorating did you say? Don't forget a nice and huge plant like this one (I have several all around) to introduce a note of green and impromptu laziness, as just Mother Nature can have.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monstera_deliciosa

or this one

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aspidistra

Just some water and it's done, same for holidays or long trips around, they're tough plants!! Cactae will be nice too but your kids...DAAAAAAADDDDDYYYYYYY!!

Talking about kids, buy them an hamster: just an excuse to do things with them and create new bonds and other lifestyle being Mom out. It's not a Grand Danois or a St.Bernard eating and you'll see, you'll love it, easy care and adorable creatures.

Have you already your kitchenware? If not, buy just two knives: a regular chef's knife (for 90% of the kitchen tasks...) and an utility knife for vegetables or pelling fruits (the other 10%...) and you're done. Pan and pot too, of course.

And the more important changes are mental, the interior ones: past is sterile!! You have the opportunity, and chance yes, to start a new path and life with your kids around.

Best wishes!!

 

[M80]

How about a urinal in the bathroom?

 

[eliev]

IKEA certainly has some great products for the price. Whatever you do, don't buy everything all at once. I made that mistake and ended up disassembling some of my furniture and donating it.

 

[ouch]

I'd suggest decorating your house to match your new wardrobe.

 

[imfallen_angel]

All I can say, since you don't state anything about old furniture still there, etc., is simply go with what feels right.

Rearrange the place and stay within budget.

Figure out the rooms, and what you want to make with them.

A few rules I'd recommend is:

1) it's your place, make it yours
2) allow for things for the kids so that'll be fun and enjoyable when they are over
3) do NOT fix anything in the hopes to amazed potential dates, be yourself and your place is an extension of yourself.


When I was single again, I had to rebuild my life, no house and just about nothing. I went from a tiny 2 room bachelor apartment (that didn't cause any trouble in meeting women), to a great 2 bedroom apartment. I bought the furniture one piece at a time within 1-2 weeks, and bought them because they were nice, they were standard wood type things, and made it a very comfortable home, and in time, once I gained full custody on my kids, they had a home.

I eventually met a woman that walked in my place, stumped to see a single father that had such a nice place, and as "a joke" started talking about how the furniture would look good in a house if we moved in together.... on the first "date". We eventually got married, so she was "right", and most of that furniture is still in use today. That was over 11 years ago, and we did end up getting a decent house.

But my point is, during my single years, I didn't stop myself getting what I liked, and if your goal is to make your house a home, then go with what you like and not what you might get judged on.

Consider it "your moment" to do what you want. The one thing that I remember from my single years was that once I realized that I didn't have to answer or bother about someone else, I was free to do anything my way, it was awesome. (still is as my wife is open about such things and freedom about purchases)

So find a motif that you like and go with it. This is regardless of brand and such.

It's a question of what your budget allows.

As far as staple items, it depends on your taste.... try to think about things that you remember being something you liked throughout your life... grandfather clocks? Mahogany wood? Mirrors? leather? high or low contrasts?

What about building stuff yourself? If you have a garage or basement that allows you to work wood? If you are an interest but never did it before, might be a good time to go take a course on it.

I've started working on making things myself, and it's quite fun and gives you the feeling of doing unique things, that the kids will inherit one day.

 

[bassopotamus]

Decorating is really about what makes you comfy. There was an article about decorating man caves on another site a while back, and it just honked me off. It wasn't a one size fits all approach, but many of the suggestions were just lame unless it means something to you (a trophy animal on the wall doesn't mean jack unless you shot it yourself). I'd consider doing one room at a time.

If I could start from scratch, I'd go sort of clubby English style (Or what I Assume that to be...): dark woods, leather furniture, oriental rugs, etc. But that's me, maybe not you. I will say, if it fits your budget, a nice leather chair and ottoman is a killer thing to have. I got a pretty swell Natuzzi set from my In Laws when I finished grad school, and it is great. Feels good, looks good, and just acquires character as it ages.

I have pretty mixed feelings on Ikea, in all honesty, and I've owned tons of it over the years, in part because of what Doc says above. Either buy for life, or buy really cheap. My gripe with Ikea is that their mid priced stuff is expensive for what you get (it's all just particle board with a veneer at best). Their cheap stuff on the other hand, can be a life saver, but it really isn't any nicer than what you could get at Target. When we bought our first house, we looked at some of their couches and such, and skipped it, becuase for a little more, you could get more solid stuff from a furniture store

 

[rearviewmirror]

if I was ever lucky enough to have my own place.. I would have a 60" TV and 2 over-sized leather La-Z-Boys.

when I first moved out of my house as a 'seperation', the only thing I had in my apartment was a big comfy couch, a tv and a bed.
Actually, that was really all I ever had.