My girl question
- Thread starter perry
- Start date
The thing is, it only works if you mean it and don't give a darn if she does split.
If I had advice for myself 10 years ago it would be to 'not waste time on people I knew were not right.' This is precious time my freind.
OK. For what it's worth, here is my rather harsh two cents worth based on my own experience.
A hetro, single man and woman can almost never be "just good friends". Inevitably one (or hopefully both) parties end up wanting more from the relationship. In this case it sounds like you are the one who has fallen. My condolences. While it is possible she is interested in you and just not wanting to seem "too keen", my feeling is that her behavior is intended to keep you at arms length because she does see you as only a friend.
Women are pretty perceptive about when we like them. Lets face it, men aren't the most subtle of creatures. They can tell. My advice is this. On your next outing with her, towards the end of the night, lay your cards on the table in as clear and plain way as you can. Let there be no confusion about your feelings. Simply say something along the lines of "look, I'm guessing you might know by now, I think your really great and I'd like it if we could be more than friends. I was just wondering how you would feel about that."
One of two things will happen. Either she will tell you she feels the same and has been waiting for you to finally grow a pair and ask, or she will tell you no, just friends and things will be embarrassing and awkward for you. If the second one is the case I advise walking away tactfully, taking as much of your pride with you as you can.
There is nothing worse than spending time with a woman you have feelings for when they don't feel the same. And it will only get worse when she starts dating one of those other jokers and you have to pretend to be happy for her. Trust me, I have been in your shoes. The time has come for your final play, my friend. Good luck.
A hetro, single man and woman can almost never be "just good friends". Inevitably one (or hopefully both) parties end up wanting more from the relationship. In this case it sounds like you are the one who has fallen. My condolences. While it is possible she is interested in you and just not wanting to seem "too keen", my feeling is that her behavior is intended to keep you at arms length because she does see you as only a friend.
Women are pretty perceptive about when we like them. Lets face it, men aren't the most subtle of creatures. They can tell. My advice is this. On your next outing with her, towards the end of the night, lay your cards on the table in as clear and plain way as you can. Let there be no confusion about your feelings. Simply say something along the lines of "look, I'm guessing you might know by now, I think your really great and I'd like it if we could be more than friends. I was just wondering how you would feel about that."
One of two things will happen. Either she will tell you she feels the same and has been waiting for you to finally grow a pair and ask, or she will tell you no, just friends and things will be embarrassing and awkward for you. If the second one is the case I advise walking away tactfully, taking as much of your pride with you as you can.
There is nothing worse than spending time with a woman you have feelings for when they don't feel the same. And it will only get worse when she starts dating one of those other jokers and you have to pretend to be happy for her. Trust me, I have been in your shoes. The time has come for your final play, my friend. Good luck.
- Thread starter
- #64
About 2 today she said she was feeling a little bad and would let me know an hour if she would still make it for dinner at 5. At 4:25 I text and ask if she'll make it. At 4:45 she says no, she's feeling too bad. I know it's not a lie, but, damn, she knew I was cooking and didn't say anything all day?
Got a damn pot full of beef stew and a bucket of biscuits. And she is giving me the silent treatment saying I didn't want her to come over anyways. I tried to call and she didn't answer even though she was slowly responding to texts. I'm ready to throw in the towel now. Hate to do it, but I am the type of person to give up right now and never look back. Do I give her the chance or just be done with it?
Got a damn pot full of beef stew and a bucket of biscuits. And she is giving me the silent treatment saying I didn't want her to come over anyways. I tried to call and she didn't answer even though she was slowly responding to texts. I'm ready to throw in the towel now. Hate to do it, but I am the type of person to give up right now and never look back. Do I give her the chance or just be done with it?
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It's been long enough. Forget the talk and just make a move. If she doesn't respond favourably after all this time, then you know where you stand. Simple as that. So just get her in a good mood, a drink or two, some laughs, and move in for the kiss.
I still say you owe it to yourself to lay the cards on the table as I mentioned above. Once you have done that, if you do not get the response you like or if she is still playing games, then move on. But if you don't spell it out to her and make things clear before walking you might always wonder, "what if?"
Women, even in this day and age, still want men to make the first move, which seems to be the one thing missing here. She's probably wondering why he hasn't made a move yet, so I can't see more talk helping. Women are not the most logical creatures, as we all know 
, but respond more to emotion and feeling.
, but respond more to emotion and feeling.
I agree 100%.
- Thread starter
- #69
Figure out when to make your move I hope!
Perry, I don`t mean this to sound to harsh, so please don`t take it that way but you sound like a *****. By that I mean insecure, no confidence, probably trying to do things to please her, rather than do things that are natural to you.
In my experience, which has been good experience, women want a guy who is solid, confident, his own person, respectful because that`s his character; courteous because that`s his nature, but not *** kissing or fawning.
She`s feeling bad... that`s fine. You tell her your sorry to hear that, no big deal, you`ll freeze the stew and serve it up when she`s better. Tell her if she feels like talking later, you`ll be home watching the game tonight... and sound caring but not overly dissapointed, because you`re resiliant and **** happens and you can deal with that. You are a man and your role, no matter what they tell you on Dr. Phil is to be a Rock... dependable, strong, weather resistant...
If you are true to yourself and stick with your values, not trying to please everyone, you will never have to worry about this dating question. If you act like a man then the girls around you will act like women... they will feel the need to match your metrosexual, mixed up manhood.
Trust me on this... and don`t think I`m at all suggesting you have to be some tough guy. Anything but. Be a gentleman but be a man.
In my experience, which has been good experience, women want a guy who is solid, confident, his own person, respectful because that`s his character; courteous because that`s his nature, but not *** kissing or fawning.
She`s feeling bad... that`s fine. You tell her your sorry to hear that, no big deal, you`ll freeze the stew and serve it up when she`s better. Tell her if she feels like talking later, you`ll be home watching the game tonight... and sound caring but not overly dissapointed, because you`re resiliant and **** happens and you can deal with that. You are a man and your role, no matter what they tell you on Dr. Phil is to be a Rock... dependable, strong, weather resistant...
If you are true to yourself and stick with your values, not trying to please everyone, you will never have to worry about this dating question. If you act like a man then the girls around you will act like women... they will feel the need to match your metrosexual, mixed up manhood.
Trust me on this... and don`t think I`m at all suggesting you have to be some tough guy. Anything but. Be a gentleman but be a man.
oops, I meant, the will NOT feel the need to match your metrosexual, mixed up manhood.
Hey I let my wife read this thread and she has known women like this. She says what is going on here is, from what she has read, is that this woman was never interested in you sexually and wanted to see what her "worth" was. By that she means, how much men will shell out on her.
She also says, you're being creepy by trying to stick with her through all this drama. It's a sign of a co-dependent personality. You need to take the "get a clue" approach.
PS - My wife says this part:
Should have been responded with, "Well, to be honest, I am kind of ashamed of you to take you out" and let her feel the sting.
My wife is EVIL!
She also says, you're being creepy by trying to stick with her through all this drama. It's a sign of a co-dependent personality. You need to take the "get a clue" approach.
PS - My wife says this part:
Should have been responded with, "Well, to be honest, I am kind of ashamed of you to take you out" and let her feel the sting.
My wife is EVIL!
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I like this approach. Put all out there man. She's not a mind reader. Even if she is doing the "sabatoge" thing, you will have been a gentleman and voiced how you feel about it. Nothing ever wrong with that.
Yeah but whom among us hasn't, in hindsight, done foolish things because a woman has gotten into our heads? I know I have, plenty of times.
It is very easy to see what someone should do from an outsiders perspective. It is never so clear when you are in the middle of it. And, although there seems to be a lot of drama going on here, no-one wants to walk away from somebody they like until they feel as if they have given it every possible chance of working out. My feeling is that this might not be "the one" for you. But hey, it's certainly worth making every effort to find out for sure. If nothing else it will give you more appreciation for the right one when she does show up.
I agree, I was like that a little bit. I just thought it would be better to get a woman's perspective in here.
He said she's come to his house pretty much every weekend for a couple of months. She's got to be at least somewhat interested. Plenty of chances - but has yet to make a move. He's been a gentleman this long, so more talk a la being a gentleman isn't going anywhere here. Essentially he's waiting for her to give the ok before making a move, and women don't like that at all.
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- #80
I'm trying not to let it get in to my head. I'm willing to walk away before laying it out with the way she behaved today. I didn't do anything to bring on that sort of response. How hard would it have been to tell me this morning that she was feeling bad? Why wait and let me cook the food? I really believe she had no intention of coming over tonight. She coulda said this morning, "Hey, I'm feeling bad today. Don't cook the stew, we can just order pizza if I feel good enough to come over."
I think CEFranklin said what I really needed to hear. Or his wife did. I'd sent her an email asking if she wanted to come eat the leftovers on Monday. If she doesn't respond, then I'll leave that damn crockpot on her doorstep and be done with it. If it wasn't for that silly thing... I'll be bored for a couple days without all our text messaging, but I think it's best for me at this point. I don't care what coulda been. I'm convinced she isn't worth my time any more. Thanks folks
